How To Have Anal Sex Without Pain
The Psychological Causes of Physical Discomfort
Two beliefs will prevent you from attempting or enjoying anal sex. They’ll both tense your body tighter than a camel’s ass in a sandstorm. Let’s tackle the first one because it’s the easiest to fix.
“THIS IS GOING TO HURT”
The belief that anal sex hurts creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. It renders you unable to relax, making sex painful, and thus manifesting what you dreaded.
Psychologists call this belief “anticipatory pain.” We all experience it in different areas of our lives. For example, if you fear needles you might feel anticipatory pain at the thought of getting a flu shot. It works emotionally, too. You could feel it about attending an ex-lover’s wedding.
Anticipatory pain is the body’s normal response to perceived threats. Your expectations of anal sex, what you believe it will be like, can either intensify or eliminate the amount of physical pain you experience.
The Negative Power Of Dread
A while back there was a fascinating experiment that shed some light on anticipatory pain. Scientists attached electrodes to 35 subjects, delivering electric shocks that ranged from a slight buzz to something at the level of a strong insect bite. Subjects got a choice: Receive stronger shocks immediately or mild shocks 15 minutes in the future.
Basically, it was a choice to dread or not. Get a stronger hurt right now or a milder hurt 15 minutes from now. A full 70% of the time subjects opted to receive the more painful shocks now rather than wait for the less painful shocks in the future. Here’s what the scientists concluded:
“We infer from this that dread—the anticipation of negative outcomes—is a powerful force. But how powerful? We were trying to measure dread. And we think these findings show that dread is so painful that people will pay a significant price, in the form of more physical pain, to avoid it.”
What does all this have to do with butt sex? Anticipatory pain, dread, will lock up your sphincter and puborectal muscles tighter than two coats of paint. The more you believe bottoming will hurt, the tenser your body will get.
If your self-talk is filled with the language of expected pain (“this is going to hurt like hell,” “I’ll never walk again!” “BRACE FOR IMPACT!”) you can bet your butt will clench for its safety as hard as it can.
But It Does Hurt! (Doesn’t It?)
Maybe you’ve tried to bottom before and indeed, it hurt like hell. Maybe you’ve heard horror stories from your friends. Or maybe it hurts even when you stick your pinky up there. How could a penis NOT hurt going in?
Here’s how: Because the entire anus, from the sphincter to the anal canal to the rectum, is made up of incredibly supple, flexible muscle and tissue. With the right conditioning, it can stretch and expand way beyond its current size without causing harm or pain.
To get a sense of the flexibility in your puborectal region, picture this: During rectal surgery, your anus can be safely stretched to the point that the surgeon’s hand can easily pass through the anal canal.
Moving Beyond Anticipatory Pain
The first step to overcoming anticipatory pain is to acknowledge that bottoming doesn’t have to be painful. The evidence for that is everywhere–from friends who love to bottom and never complain about pain to perhaps your own experiences topping guys who could easily and painlessly take you in.
Of course, evidence, logic, and reason can only take you so far. After all, fear is often irrational. That’s why you need something stronger than just an intellectual acknowledgment that pain-free bottoming is possible.
What you need is an iron-clad guarantee.
The only way to prepare for anal sex is to insert fingers, toys, or penises into your rectum. No matter what you practice penetration with, there comes a point at which going further in the insertion will induce pain.
You’re at choice.
You can exercise patience, stay where you are, let the body get sensitized, and then move forward or you can push through into pain.
Hence, when it comes to bottoming, pain is a choice. You can choose to do the things that avoid pain (back up/remain still) or you can choose the things that don’t (keep inserting). Once you understand this, you don’t have to fear pain because you can choose not to do painful things.
The best way to remind yourself that pain is a choice? We think the author of How To Bottom Like A Porn Star has the cleverest idea. Sign his NO PAIN CONTRACT. By signing it you promise to never, EVER go past your comfort threshold with the exercises in this book or the lovers you go home with. Not even a little bit. The terms are simple: No Pain, No Way, No How, Not Ever.
Signing the author’s NO PAIN CONTRACT will help you go on a voyage you might otherwise not take. It’s your word to yourself that it will be a safe, enjoyable journey, not some painful slog requiring an upgrade to your health insurance.
Have A Pre-Coital Cigarette
Ahhh, now that you’ve signed the contract, doesn’t it feel like the weight of a huge penis has been lifted off your shoulders?
You have contractually obligated yourself to anal sex with NO PAIN. You have now replaced anticipatory pain with anticipatory pleasure. Congratulations! Now let’s talk about that second belief that can put your butt in a headlock.