How To Prepare For Anal Sex
Do hygiene worries stop you from bottoming? They should. Have you seen what comes out of men when they go to the toilet? It’s amazing we don’t need hazmat suits to get out of the bathroom alive!
You are absolutely justified in your hygiene fears. The thought of a partner pulling out and seeing his manhood covered in heirloom chocolate would make anyone throw themselves screaming from a helicopter.
Of course, I’m exaggerating. It is exceedingly rare to experience the kind of shit show you fear. Besides, you can avoid all of the unpleasantness—stains on the sheets, nose-scrunching odors, and general after-sex embarrassment with just a few precautions.
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HOW SHIT WORKS
We cannot have a conversation about keeping yourself clean without a full understanding of a delicate subject: How you eliminate waste from your body.
Your fears of needing a pooper-scooper device by your bed are based on a misconception that feces are stored in the rectum. In fact, they are not. As you can see below, feces are stored in the sigmoid colon, which sits above the rectum. The Sigmoid Juncture (a type of sphincter muscle) prevents stool from entering the rectum unless you consciously allow defecation to take place.
Illustration: Stool is stored in the Sigmoid Colon, not the rectum or anal canal. Unless your partner has an Anaconda for a penis, it is never going to loosen the Sigmoid Juncture, which prevents stool from entering the rectum.
Once defecation occurs, a combination of anatomical structure, neural switches, and reflex triggers make it impossible for stool to remain in your rectum. Now, often there is residue, for sure, and we’ll talk about cleaning it up later in the chapter. But for now, know that your rectum is a pipeline, not a storage device. It is the Panama Canal between the sigmoid colon and your sphincter. Ships can only pass through; they cannot anchor.
Some guys have written to tell me they find more than residue or “bacon bits” in their rectum. Ships can get stuck and drop anchor in your Panama Canal if the Sigmoid Junction isn’t tightening properly.
If you find small boulders up there you might be also suffering from a case of mild fecal incontinence. Not enough to show up in your underwear, perhaps, but enough so that there’s actual shit stored in your rectum.
If that’s the case, put yourself on a program of pelvic floor therapy, otherwise known as Kegels. They’ll strengthen the Sigmoid Junction, along with all the muscles and tissues in the puborectal area.
How the body makes sure that things don’t ‘slip’ into the rectum accidentally. You’ll go forward with confidence knowing there’s no possibility of a ‘shit bomb’ going off!
Find Out How Dirty You Are Without Inserting A Finger
You don’t have to stick a finger where the sun don’t shine to assess the level of fudge and sludge in your anal canal. You can just look at the toilet after you’ve deposited the remains of the day. The size, shape, and color of your poop will determine how much residue is left in your rectum.
Let’s start the analysis with the sound your stools make as they hit the toilet water. I’d like to quote Dr. Mehmet Oz’s unforgettable observation:
“You want to hear what the stool, the poop, sounds like when it hits the water. If it sounds like a bombardier, you know, ‘plop, plop, plop,’ that’s not right because it means you’re constipated. It means the food is too hard by the time it comes out. It should hit the water like a diver from Acapulco hits the water [swoosh].”
After hearing the swoosh sound (hopefully) look down. Your stool should be…
Best Fiber Pills For Bottoms
How to clean butt for anal sex? Eat enough fiber so your stool hits the toilet like an Acapulco diver. That way, a shower, and a little finger-mopping would be the only preparation you’d need before sex.
Fiber Keeps Your Shit Together
Soluble fiber dissolves in water but isn’t digested, so it absorbs excess liquid in the colon, forms a thick gel, and adds lots of bulk to your feces as it parades up Intestinal Hill and down to Rectum Road, picking up stragglers. It also softens and pushes through impacted fecal matter.
Fiber Shapes Your Shit
Ever see those old videos of Tokyo transit police using giant swab sticks to push passengers into overcrowded trains? That’s what insoluble fiber (like broccoli) does.
Since it won’t dissolve in water and can’t be absorbed by the body, it passes through your stomach essentially intact, compacting brown “passengers” into the intestinal train and giving them the best shape to go through the colon and out your anus without breaking off and leaving unwanted specimens.
Fiber Is Your Ticket To Cleanliness
This is how to clean butt before anal–by “bulking up” waste matter and shaping it for easier transit. Fiber ensures that feces leave the rectum and anal canal virtually intact, leaving you with just a smidge of sludge, a slight residue that’s easy to clean with a finger job.
The problem is that you most likely suffer from a serious fiber deficiency. How do I know? Because the American Dietetic Association says so.
The recommended fiber intake for men is 30-38 grams. The actual intake? 10-15 grams. This means, you, the average guy, eats less than half the recommended amount of fiber!
The news is worse than you think. Some health experts believe men should eat 60 grams of fiber a day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept a clean rectum, is to consistently eat about 40 grams of fiber a day. Here are a few tips on how to do that…
Should You Use An Enema?
It’s only natural to want a butt so clean your partner’s penis practically sees its reflection upon entering. Will an enema or a douche get you there? Let’s investigate.
Enemas and douches are prescribed by doctors to alleviate constipation and/or clean out the rectal area before surgery. Both flush water up the rectum. As gravity forces the water down it removes toxins and waste, contracting the rectum which results in a bowel movement.
The chief difference between enemas and douches are how high up they flush and the tools they use to get the job done. Because enemas are used to treat severe constipation, they need to go up past the rectum into the colon and that usually involves tubes, syringes, and sometimes even small hoses.
Douching, on the other hand, is used to clean the rectum, not the colon. Typically, this means using a syringe, a bulb, or maybe a plastic bottle (like the Fleet brand sold in drug stores).
When gay guys use enemas they think, “Wow, my ass was a lot dirtier than I thought it was.” In reality, the enema made their rectum dirtier. See, enemas shoot water way past the rectum into the sigmoid colon, where stool is stored. The water gets past the Sigmoid Juncture, the sphincter that keeps stool from entering the rectum, and flushes the stool downward, filling your rectum with fecal matter it didn’t contain before you used the enema.
Illustration: How Enemas Make Your Butt Dirtier
Here’s what you need to know about using enemas to clean yourself out for anal intercourse:
Should Gay Men Douche Before Anal Sex?
First, the good news. As you can see from the illustration below, anal douching with a bulb avoids the mess that enemas can make. They can also significantly reduce the “anal leakage” enemas can produce.
Here’s the bad news: Anal douching carries similar risks to using an enema, depending on what tools you’re using. Most gay guys douche with a bottle of Fleet, an ear or ass syringe (typically a seamless 8” bulb with a detachable tip), or some type of home kit they put together. As you can see from the chart below, the risk factors for douching are lower than an enema but they still pose significant risks…