Most Comfortable Position For Anal Sex
For good anal positions, think of intercourse as a gay Super Mario Brothers video game. The guy who’s topping you, a plumber named Mario, arrives in an outlandish realm (your ass) to battle King Virgin and rescue the milky white Prince Prostate.
The king has set two main traps that keep Mario from massaging Prince Prostate and letting his waters run dry. The first is the Giant Gate we just talked about—the internal and external sphincter muscles protecting the prince with the force of a squeeze-cement job.
In the last post, we figured out how to trick the sphincter into releasing its hold and voila, the Giant Gate swung open, allowing Mario, and later his brother Luigi and depending on your inclinations, everyone in Topland, access to the Prince’s fruited plain.
But now we must concentrate on the easiest anal positions. Immediately upon entering, Mario slams into a second trap that seems to come out of nowhere—a wall. This wall knocks Mario on his ass and causes all the minions in the puborectal kingdom to cry out in pain.
Mario doesn’t have many choices. Sure, he could try to force himself through the wall, but he wants to pleasure Prince Prostate, not put him in traction.
He certainly can’t dig under or jump over the wall because the attempt itself would put the Prince in the ICU.
What can Mario do?
Make The Anal Wall Disappear
Mario doesn’t need to go under, over, or through it. For the most comfortable position for anal, he just needs you to make the wall go away. Let me explain.
Most of us think the plumbing in our ass goes down a straight line like the garbage shoot in an apartment complex. But it actually curves in two places. The first curve occurs almost immediately upon entering the sphincter (causing that wall Mario’s penis keeps slamming into).
As you learned in the anatomy post, this curve is caused by the puborectal sling, a strong, supportive muscle that wraps around the rectum. The curve creates a “rectal wall” that stops the penis from entering. Take a look:
As you can see, the puborectal sling acts like a rope holding back a stage curtain. When the rope is released, the curtain straightens out and the “rectal wall” disappears, giving your partner unfettered access to the goods within.
So how do you make that “rectal wall” disappear?
Do this: hold your left hand up as if you’re shaking hands. This is your rectal wall. Now take your right index finger and poke the middle of the palm at ninety degrees. This is the penis stabbing the rectal wall. The pain will knock you into the middle of next week.
Now, angle your palm (back of the hand turning toward the floor) 45 degrees and poke again. Better, but it still hurts, right? Now, raise the tip of your right finger up by approximately 45 degrees and poke.
Ahh, feels nice, right? Notice the finger slides up the “rectal wall” rather than poking and jabbing at it. Imagine it with lube. Magic!
Best Positions For Anal Intercourse
In this example, you are not stabbing the rectal wall because you “straightened out the S-curve” (your palm) and adjusted the penis’ angle of entry (your index finger). The wall “disappears” allowing Mario to screw Prince Prostate like he owes him money.
Now, how do we take what we just learned with our palm and index finger and apply it to anal sex?
THE SECRET TO STRAIGHTENING YOUR S-CURVE
There is only one thing that will straighten your S-curve: The position of your legs in relation to your torso. The closer your legs are to your torso, the more your S-curve will straighten.
Before I show you what your S-curve looks like in sexual positions, it might be helpful to see what it looks like in ordinary ones.
Illustration: Shape Of The Rectum’s S-Curve While Standing
As you can see your S is at its “curviest” when you’re standing up.
Illustration: Shape Of The Rectum’s S-Curve While Sitting
As you can see, the sitting position straightens the S-curve significantly (although not completely).
Illustration: Shape Of The Rectum’s S-Curve While Squatting
As this illustration shows, the S-curve is at its straightest when your knees are pulled up close to your body. Any position that creates at least a 90-degree angle—like squatting — will dramatically straighten your S-curve. No position will completely straighten it, though, so you will have to make adjustments.
The puborectal sling that causes the S-curve varies from person to person. Some slings are exceedingly relaxed and rest loosely around the rectum, so they straighten easily and make the “rectal wall” completely disappear.
This is why some guys can bottom for Thanos without raising an eyebrow.
Some slings are exceedingly tense, rest tightly around the rectum, and do not straighten easily, keeping the “rectal wall” up.
This is why some guys couldn’t bottom for a gnat with erectile dysfunction.
Some slings have different shapes and lay in slightly different locations. Thus, it’s almost impossible to say which position will best straighten the sling’s S-curve for you. It’s strictly a function of your anatomy. The only way you’re going to find out is to try different positions.
Know Your Sling
Let’s get a better understanding of your S-sling by hauling out the lube and exploring your man cave. Start on your back with your legs spread, knees straight, back of the ankles touching the bed. Draw a lubed-up butt plug the way I showed you in the earlier exercises. Go straight in (gently, like Winnie The Pooh, not Vlad The Impaler!). Notice you hit the wall caused by the S curve? Ouch!
Now, do the exercise again but this time start with your knees bent, soles of your feet on the bed. Depending on the curve caused by your S sling you may feel a little or a lot of “the wall.”
Now, do the exercise again but this time start with your knees around your ears (or as close as you can). Most guys will feel very little of the wall.
Finally, do the same exercise in the shower. Squat down to the ground and draw your finger in.
Wall? What wall?
Exactly. It disappears. This brings us to…
The Best Position For Pain-Free Bottoming
In the last three illustrations, you saw how standing, sitting, and squatting affect the puborectal sling and the “curviness” of the S-curve. Now, let’s put on some imaginary x-ray glasses and see what an erect penis would look like inside a rectum using variations of the missionary position.
Illustration: Penis entering a partner who is in the missionary position with his legs extended.
As you can see, the penis hits the rectal wall at almost ninety degrees. It will be painful for both partners. Let’s try a different position. What if the bottom partner raised his knees?
Illustration: Penis entering a partner who is in the missionary position with his knees bent.
As this illustration shows, the S-curve is significantly straightened, decreasing the severity of the rectal wall. Penetration is doable but you would still experience a fair amount of initial pain. Now, what would happen if the bottom partner pulled his knees toward his chest?
Illustration: Penis entering a partner who is in the missionary position with his knees toward his chest (similar to squatting).
Good Anal Positions
As you can see, the penis does not encounter a rectal wall (or very little of it). Clearly, the squatting position–whether you do it on your back or with the weight on your feet–straightens out the S-curve better than any single position.
Squatting with the weight on your feet is more effective than mimicking it on your back because you can spread your legs farther and your hands are free to control the action.
When Mario is on his back with you squatting on top of him, he becomes more passive, preventing him from entering forcefully. This allows you to guide the penis in on your terms. Once that’s done it doesn’t take much to roll over with the penis inside you to get in different positions.
The Problem With Squatting
Although it’s the easiest position for anal, there are some disadvantages to squatting. There’s a certain awkwardness associated with bottoming for the first time (as there is for anything) and squatting exacerbates them.
First, it opens up your body to visual inspection in ways that being underneath your partner does not. That’s not a problem if your abs can cut tomatoes and you want your partner to see every inch of you. But if you’re so skinny you could blindfold yourself with dental floss or if you’ve packed enough pounds that restaurants hand you estimates instead of menus, squatting might make you feel exposed and vulnerable.
Squatting also increases a sense of separation because you can’t kiss and your torsos, especially the heart areas, aren’t touching. Some guys need to feel the heat of their partner’s body to feel more secure.
And finally, it’s hard to feel “taken” or submissive when you’re on top of the dominant. Squatting will absolutely make bottoming easier but it has more baggage than Terminal B at LAX, so it’s probably not the very first position you should try.
Now that you know the best positions for anal intercourse it’s time to understand the Best Angle Of Entry For Anal Sex.