Revealed! The First Gay Sex Manual Written Exclusively For Tops!

How To Top Like A Stud: A Penetrating Guide to Gay Sex debuts today. Our first reaction was, “Boy, that’s going to be a short book.” Cuz we’re thinking, get it up and stick it in. But that’s after a few margaritas. Pre-cocktails it makes total sense. What if the smelly smellies turn you off? What if you lose your hardon? What if you just don’t know what to do?

There’s actually a lot about topping that even tops struggle with. Is your dick big enough? Are you masculine enough? Can you keep it hard with a condom on? Are you hurting him too much? This useful gay sex manual takes the top’s perspective on intercourse. What’s the right angle of penetration? How do you make your partner relax so it doesn’t hurt him? These are all great questions and they’re answered comprehensively.

You bounce from bars to parties to apps looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now and end up with Mr, Let Go Of Me. Does any of this look familiar?

1. You went out to the bars and the only guys who hit on you seem a little creepy:

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But suddenly your luck changes, and Mr. Man asks if he can buy you a drink:

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You’re like:

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But then you find out he’s from out of town and MARRIED with kids:

 
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You move on and see a vision of male beauty that leaves you Dev. A. Stated…

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And you’re like:

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So you hit on him.  And he reacts like:

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You hammer one or maybe nine shots to ease the pain:

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You have a little trouble getting up in the morning:

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You remember last night’s tragedy:

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You turn on GrindR because you need a distraction:

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And all you see is miles of:

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5 hours later:

 

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Your BFF calls and asks how your weekend went, and you’re like, “dude…”

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Everyone has had this happen: you’re in the middle of the text thread with a cutie and suddenly he stops responding. He’s part of a breed single people know as “the Vanishing Texter.” Typically, he only answers direct questions. So, you can text him, “hey, what’s going on?” And he will respond right away. But the minute you try to keep the thread going he falls off the face of the earth. The question becomes, why does he bother responding if he’s not interested?
[Read more…] about How To Deal With The “Vanishing Texter.”

And Now for Our Next Guest….

The radio DJ put me on “mute” and I could hear him talking to the morning show producer as the commercials played in the background. “Who is this guy? Why are we interviewing him? The hell’s his name, anyway?”

You know it’s going to be a bad day when it’s ten seconds before the commercials end and the DJ of the #1 station in the market doesn’t know who you are, what you’re doing there or what he’s going to ask you.

Welcome to the organized, disciplined phenomenon known as Morning Drive radio. [Read more…] about How Macho Morning ‘Zoo Crew’ Radio DJs React To Gay Guests.

Question:

Is This A Fashion Model Or A Porn Star?

Answer:

Both.

It used to be that the only thing male models and porn stars had in common is that they both had to sleep with people they didn’t like to get in front of the camera. But now fashion icons like Marc Jacobs and Calvin Klein date porn stars and fashion companies like Andrew Christian and Addicted use gay porn stars to model their wares.

What’s going on here? It’s getting harder and harder to tell the shirtless guys parading in front of the cameras from well, the shirtless guys parading in front of the cameras. Test your Gaydar by voting in our Male Model vs Gay Porn Star poll. Scroll to the bottom for the answers. Good luck!

 

Answers: All the porn stars are on the left. And now that you know who they are, learn their secrets in the international best seller, How To Bottom Like A Porn Star. The Guide To Gay Anal Sex. It takes 60 seconds to download it on your pc, mac or phone. Spice up your love life and start having porn star sex!

 

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Seriously, does a clever drag queen name ever get old? NEVER.  This infographic memorializes the winners of our national survey.  Enjoy!

 

Media:  This infographic is copyrighted.  You may re-publish by linking to likeapornstar.net.

 

 

 

You know, well-meaning but DULL.

 

Well, we have just the antidote to your yawn-producing BJs–a new book by our resident sex advice columnist, Woody Miller!

 

Rather than do the introductions we’re actually going to give you the introduction of Woody’s book.  Enjoy your soup!

 

Introduction

Raise your hand if you’re wondering what you can learn about giving head that you don’t already know. I mean, you’re gay for chrissakes! Doesn’t it come with the territory?

Now, slap yourself with that hand and ask for bla refund because I don’t want anybody that naive reading my Pulitzer Prize-winning copy. Of course I can teach you a lot, not just because I’m gay but because of what I do for a living.

I’ve been writing a gay sex advice column called Need Wood? Tips For Getting Timber for the last twelve years. I got started when an editor at a gay magazine asked if I’d like to write a funny, informative sex column. “Sure,” I said. “Send me your cutest employees and I’ll get started.”

That led to a book called Men Are Pigs But We Love Bacon, and ultimately a co-hosting gig on The Sex Inspectors, a heterosexual TV show that aired on Britain’s Channel 4 and America’s HBO. I got the role because of my answer to the final question on the screen test: “What do you think of women who fake their orgasms?”

“Not much,” I said. “Men can fake whole relationships.”

But enough about me. Let’s talk about you. If you’re like most guys, you’re giving what I call “Canadian blowjobs.” You know, well meaning but dull. Not just for him, but for you.

That’s about to stop. Because with this book I’m going to show you how to give the kind of head that’ll get you married or promoted. Raise your hand if that last sentence offended you. Now, slap yourself…okay, that’s getting redundant. My point, and I do have one, is that this isn’t going to be a dry, boring, tedious roundup of BJ banter. It’s going to be a politically incorrect, no-holds-barred romp that’s going to leave you locked, cocked and ready to rock your man. Or men, ya hooker!

More importantly it’s going to do what no other book on the subject has done: Show you how to enjoy a hard penis on your terms; to discover the joys of your partner’s genitals without feeling pressured to do or act in ways that aren’t comfortable, comforting or sexually exciting. It’s about appreciating the strength, length, width and hardness of an erect cock because of what it can do for you, not for what you can do to it.

 

You know, like a porn star.

Many gay men think that blowjobs are something you do for your partner. While you can get a lot of pleasure out of “giving,” things can go sour if you lose or ignore your own urges and desires. I have a different proposition: Blowjobs are for you as much as they are for him. They shouldn’t be a chore but a choice you make for your own pleasure.

I call my approach the “selfish blowjob” because it’s more about you than him. Yes, of course, your partner will get a lot out of it, but his satisfaction, while necessary, is beside the point. It’s your pleasure that matters.

 

That’s the key to giving head like a porn star—not just pleasing your guy but pleasing yourself. It’s not just about what you can do to a dick, but what it can do for you.

 

Many gay men can sum up their feelings about giving blowjobs in one word: Meh. The good news is that by the time you finish this book, you will have a completely different attitude (and aptitude!) about giving head.

I’m going to show you how to turn a Meh into a Meow. I’m going to show you how to think of it as a turn-on, not a turn-off. By the time I’m done you’re going to be gagging for it (as opposed to on it). You’re going to see blowjobs as an effective way for you to pleasure yourself, not just him.

 

Like a porn star.

 

In fact, this is what separates this book from all others on the subject. Learning techniques is fine—if all you want to be is a skilled worker. But to truly give great head, you have to see it as a critical to your own sexual satisfaction.

I’m not just going to show you the art of getting through giving. I’m going to show you something far more powerful: How to get so turned on by blowjobs that they become necessary for your sexual satisfaction. I’m going to show you that it’s possible to like them so much that you will beg your partner to let you do it. Like this guy:

“I have no idea why but there are some days where I’m actually craving the feel of cock in my mouth and I basically need to persuade my boyfriend to let me do it. I think it’s partially to do with his scent that he emits during sex.”

—T.
 
 
You are going to hear from over forty different people on why they love giving blowjobs. Their stories and anecdotes come from blog posts, columns and discussion boards all over the Internet (especially Reddit. In fact, if the quote isn’t directly sourced, it means it came from a Reddit thread).

Many of these quotes are from porn stars others are from “civilians.” Both have something in common: They LOVE giving head. Some quotes are informative, some are moving, some are shocking and some are funny. Put together you’ll see a common theme: It is possible to turn a boring chore into a stellar choice. It is possible for the giver to like giving blowjobs as much or more than the men receiving them.

Let’s find out how you can, too. Your pleasure-mobile just pulled up and it’s going to take you places you’ve only dreamed about. Hop in.

QUESTION

I have so much better luck meeting guys online than offline that I’ve completely given up going to bars. I’m 48, very healthy, active, good looking, and blessed to look 35.

Here’s my problem: When I put with my true age on my profile I get no responses. Absolutely zero. It doesn’t matter if it’s GrindR or Mister or all the other ones in between. If I lie and place the exact same words and pictures (only this time saying I’m 35), I get lots of responses. LOTS. It’s the exact same me…only the real me gets zip and the dishonest me gets plenty. I’m at a loss as to how to proceed. Even people my own age don’t respond to my 48 year-old ads, but they respond to my 35-year-old ads. I think the whole gay community is fucked up.

I don’t believe in being dishonest. I don’t want to start a relationship where the first thing I say is a lie. I don’t even want a one night stand if I have to be dishonest to get it. But I also don’t want to be without sex for extended periods of time. What should I do?

[Read more…] about How To Lie About Your Age And Get Away With It.

Dating can be scary. Let’s just put that out there and admit it. If you’re not looking for a hook-up, but actually want someone to spend your life with, then going on a first date might prove rather daunting. After all; you could be meeting Mr. Right, the one you’re going to be with forever. So, it’s no surprise that we get ourselves worked up into a frenzy of nerves before meeting someone for the first time. The problem is, these nerves can make grown men trip on their words, can cause the most talkative of people to become mute, and seemingly disconnect the mouth from the brain so that you start saying things without thinking first. Then, after that first mistake, the anxiety becomes even worse and things begin to unravel. How do I know this happens? Because I’ve been there many times.

[Read more…] about Taking The Nerves Out of First Dates.