How To Deal With A Low Sex Drive Part 6

Now that you have a better understanding of your landscape, let’s see what rich ores lie beneath. It’s time to test-drive your dick and ass.

Set some time when you can be alone, away from any distractions including your partner. This is about you and you, not you and him. Prepare your self-pleasuring sessions with a little shopping expedition. Buy lubricants with different textures and smells. Consider using videos or reading sexually arousing stories to eroticize the context.

It bears repeating that if you can’t sense the physiological signs of your arousal, if you don’t figure out what you like and don’t like (and communicate it to your partner), sex will remain a chore instead of a choice.

But the more important reason to follow the recommendations you’re about to read is that masturbation primes the body’s sexual plumbing. Pleasuring yourself regularly creates a cycle of craving that amps up your libido and warms the path to partner sex.

Ready, Set, Explore.

Whether it’s a masturbation sleeve for your dick, a butt plug for your ass or a massager for your prostate it’s time to stroke, touch, caress and insert.

Get a sense of ownership and agency of your body. Experiment with different kinds of touch. Harder, softer, quicker, slower. Every man is different–there is no right way to do this, only your way.

Experiment with different speeds and pressure. Tighten and loosen your pelvic floor muscles while you’re doing all this. Try crossing your legs and exerting rhythmic pressure on your genital area. Rock your pelvis. Breathe deeply. Relax. You’re not a lab rat and this is not a science experiment. Listen to your body. What does it want? What does it respond to? How is it reacting?

Men may have the same parts but they don’t have the same number of nerve endings in those parts. That’s why what turns your friends on may turn you off. Nipple play, for example, can bring you to orgasm or bore you to tears. It all depends on the concentration of nerve endings in your nipples.

Don’t use vibrating toys until you’ve done these exercises a few times with just your hands. Vibrators are healthy ways to get stronger stimulation but skin to skin contact is the best way of gaining mastery, competence, confidence and comfort in what your body responds to. Once you feel at ease with your fingers doing the walking you can graduate to motorized stimulation.

Put Your Phone On Vibrate.

If Cleopatra could find something to pleasure himself so can you. A curator of New York’s Museum of Sex says there’s evidence the Egyptian queen kept a hard-shelled gourd filled with bees for use as a primitive vibrator. He literally took the sting out of masturbation.

Now, you don’t have to go to those lengths but it wouldn’t hurt to become a busy little bee and do some field research. So go to an adult toy store or shop online and buy a range of products made with different materials, speeds, and power. Vibrating toys made of plastic are popular because they’re terrific at transferring vibrations, but some men prefer vibrators made from silicone because of the higher quality material and varied textures.

Resources

How the Media Gets You to Hate Your Body Part 2

Excerpt From Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat

It’s well documented that when women see impossibly beautiful women in magazines their body image drops faster than Marie Antoinette’s guillotine. But the most fascinating studies show that men report significant body consciousness when exposed to gorgeous women in magazines, too.

For example, in a study published in Human Communication Research (2009 ), Dr. Jennifer Aubrey at the University of Missouri found that men exposed to ads and editorial features with beautiful women suffered immediate and long-lasting body consciousness.

This confounded Dr. Aubrey because the men were mainly exposed to images of women. Why would men have such a dramatic reaction to images of beautiful women? In a later study, Dr. Aubrey answered her own question: The supermodels reminded men that they weren’t good looking enough to date such beautiful women!

In yet another study, this time in the North American Journal of Psychology (2006), male subjects were exposed to photographs of muscular men in magazines like Maxim, FHM and Men’s Health. Immediately after exposure they reported significantly lower levels of body satisfaction.

If that ain’t poetic justice, I don’t know what is.

The media’s power to make yourself feel bad about how you look is almost omnipotent. Once you submerge yourself in over two decades of body image research it’s easy to reach a startling conclusion: Reading a fashion magazine does to your body image what smoking does to your lungs.

But Isn’t The Media Just Reflecting What Guys Want?

Everybody knows that men want the kind of skinny chicks the media presents. Everybody, that is, except guys. It’s news to them. As you’ll see later in the book, attractiveness studies show that men seldom pick the below-healthy weight body types you see in the media as their ideal form of beauty.

This is a critical point to absorb because so much of your suffering is based on a demonstrably false assumption of what guys like. Yes, men judge women harshly. Yes, they base their desire almost entirely on appearances (at least at first). In fact, they emphasize it so much they’re unwilling to have any type of romantic relationship unless they are first sexually attracted.

The Male Gaze is alive and well, but what it seeks is not the unhealthy women you see on TV, magazines and movies. Men are turned on by what you rarely see in the media: Normal curves, healthy weight, and slender-to-average waist-to-hip ratios. It isn’t men insisting that you be so skinny to be desirable–it’s you. You internalized the media’s beauty ideal and projected it onto what men want.

Let’s look at one of the most fascinating body image studies done in the last ten years. Researchers at UCLA wanted to know which contributed more to women’s body dissatisfaction: the ubiquitous media standard of beauty or the desire for male attention.

Well, the only way to separate those variables is to study women who are not interested in men–lesbians. So they designed a study (“Body image satisfaction in heterosexual, gay, and lesbian adults,” Archives Of Sexual Behavior, 2009)– that recruited gay women to participate in the same kind of study typically reserved for heterosexual women. The researchers were convinced that lesbians would have much higher body esteem because they are not motivated by the reward of male attention. If they didn’t want, welcome or seek male attention, it made sense that they’d score higher on body esteem assessments.

Well, a funny thing happened on the way to proving that hypothesis. It was completely wrong. Lesbians were not at a lower risk for body dissatisfaction than heterosexual women. As the researchers concluded, “It is widely assumed that the desire to attract and retain a male partner contributes to body image concerns. The finding that lesbians (who desire female partners ) and heterosexual women (who seek male partners) are similar in body dissatisfaction raises questions about the relative importance of attracting a mate versus adhering to broader cultural ideals of attractiveness for women’s body satisfaction.”

Most of us would have expected a diff answer—that lesbians in gen would have been more satisfied with their bodies because they’re not seeking male attention. So why are they so dissatisfied. Why? Media influence. Women in society being bombarded by image designed to make you feel bad. no matter who they wanted to go home with.

The conclusion is fairly astounding: The media has more power to influence your body image than the desire for male attention.

 

How To Give Great Head Part 5

What do you have when you’re holding two balls in your hand? A man’s full attention. What’s known commonly as a man’s balls, or nuts, or marbles, or twins is the duo composed of the testicles and scrotum.

The testicles are the “family jewels” themselves, and the scrotum is the antique silk sack that stores the jewels. Together, they are the origin of life—literally where it all begins. The balls are where semen is produced, making them essential to the reproductive process.

Considering their stature as the source from which all of humanity flows, the balls often don’t receive nearly the appreciation they deserve when it comes to being stimulated.

Fondling a man’s balls should be included in your blowjob starter-pack, as it’s a sign of competency and to my mind, decency. Remaining mindful that the testicles are extremely sensitive, they can be stimulated by touching, tugging, licking, and humming. Yes, humming. Place his balls in your mouth, hum “Ommm,” and learn why Buddhists consider that sound to be the highest expression of consciousness.

A No Man’s Land Called The Perineum

I was talking with a few friends recently and one of them said that a blowjob simply consists of sucking the penis and fondling the balls.

“Taint!” I protested.

The perineum, more commonly known as the “taint” (cuz it t’aint the balls and it t’aint the ass), resembles buried gold: hidden from sight, and filled with riches. The strip of tissue is concentrated with nerve endings, making it an obvious candidate to be licked and sucked. The taint is also an outer access point for what’s widely considered a man’s inner G-spot, the prostate.

Playing with the taint can boost a guy’s pleasure receptors more than an open bar at a strip club. It also opens the door to new regions of arousal, specifically the back door. Speaking of which, let’s talk about…

Butthole Surfers: His Rectum

Our tour of the hidden world of male pleasure now takes us to the butt hole, or more formally, the rectum. The rectum contracts in rhythm with the genitals during orgasm, meaning the butt hole is so rich with nerves that it propels a guy’s climax with him likely being unaware of it. Imagine what awaits when a little extra attention is paid to it!

The butt hole contains two rings known as sphincters, which work independently and in different fashions. Men have control over the external sphincter as they can flex and contract it. The internal sphincter is controlled by an involuntary part of the nervous system so it’s harder to control consciously. Fortunately, both sphincters can be trained and tamed to allow sensuous finger play. More on that later.

The Male WTF Spot! His Prostate

While western religions have helped turn the male anus into a forbidden zone in the bedroom, other belief systems have assigned mystical importance to what’s hiding in a guy’s butt. The Tantra philosophy, which has influenced Buddhism and Hinduism, considers the prostate a sacred spot and a man’s emotional center. Does that mean if he’s being a pain in the ass he’s just trying to understand himself better? Doubtful, but isn’t it rich to think that the way to his soul might be through his butt hole?

The prostate gland is a walnut-shaped bulb located about 2-3 inches inside a guy’s rectum. The fluid excreted by the prostate makes up about one-third of the total volume of semen and contains various enzymes, zinc, and citric acid. You can “milk” the prostate by sliding your finger into a guy’s anus, then tickling or stroking the prostate in a downward motion.

Now that you know how a penis is built and how it works, let’s take a look at some sexy examples. Get ready for our pictorial list, The 20 Most Beautiful Erect Penises In The World. If dicks are real estate, you’re about to take a tour of oceanfront property.

RESOURCES

Gay Dating Advice: A Golden Rule For Texting Ambivalent Guys

 

Be quirky.  Be fun.  Be observational.

Your job is to make him smile, to associate you with good times, a chuckle or a laugh.  Which text do you think a guy would rather get:

“Hi, how are you?”

Or

“I just saw a drag queen on a mini-scooter stop at a
 red light and fix his make-up. Can you beat that?”
 
Here’s another example– which text do you think would make him want to get to know you better?

“Sup.”

Or

Do you think naming two puppies Millie Vanilli is a little over the top?

Asking his opinion is one of the most effective ways of engaging him, especially if you do it with wit.  Don’t be afraid to be a little off-the-wall.  It sets you apart from the rest of your tired sisters.

Interest, smiles, and laughter–these are all values you want to bring to the table.  Now the truth is there’s nothing wrong with asking him how his day’s going as long as you’ve put the funny in it:

My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator….which was followed by me being accused of being a lesbian and trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How’s YOUR day?

Now THAT’s how you ask a guy about his day!  Remember, you can’t overtly flirt with someone who’s hesitant about you, so you have to create value—even in the ways you say hello.  You can also do it by engaging their curiosity. You could send a message like:
 

You:  You’ll never guess what happened to me last night! 

Why it works: It hints at something funny or adventurous, and who doesn’t want to chuckle or hear something fun?  Even better, he’ll think you’re setting it up to say that you met this cool guy (him) last night.

So when you throw a curve ball at his expectations he’ll be more intrigued.  The challenge with this flirt idea is that you have to deliver on the promise. So get creative. Think of something funny that’s happened to you or just pretend it happened. Here’s an example:

Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Beyonce, and Harry Potter. WTF!

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

Dealing With A Low Sex Drive–Part 5

Have you ever seen a speaker tap a microphone that’s obviously working and ask, “Is this thing on?” That’s actually what happens with low libido men. All the physiological signs of arousal are at work but they still ask themselves, “Am I turned on?”

Men with low libido are less able to accurately estimate heartbeat, blood glucose levels and muscle contractions. This tends to create a greater disconnect between the physical signs of arousal (rapid heartbeat, muscle tension, etc.) and your subjective experience of it (“Am I turned on?”). In other words, your fires may be stoking but you can’t sense the heat.

We are going to close the gap between your physiologic response and your subjective awareness and we’re going to do it with a mirror, a hand, and a sex toy. Yes, we’re going to chart your erotic terrain. It’s only by understanding what your body responds to and how it responds that you’ll be able to pick up on its subtleties, interpret them correctly, and act on them appropriately.

In earlier posts, we saw how awareness of, respect toward, and attention to your body’s desires improves your sense of well-being. It’s no different in bed. Let’s apply the skills we learned in cultivating sensuality and make it work in the bedroom. It all starts by asking yourself the mother of all sex questions: Do I like it like this or like that?

Discovering Your Pleasure

Low libido people tend to have a one-way relationship with their bodies. They speak and their bodies listen. It’s time to switch roles. Listen and let your body speak. It has a lot to say and believe me, you’re going to love what you hear.

Your body has lots of pleasure zones. Some are obvious, some aren’t. Your job is to find out what’s hot and what’s not. There’s no better way to do that than to be, as Jerry Seinfeld once bragged, “the master of your own domain.”

Let’s say you discover your orgasms are much more powerful if you avoid directly stimulating your prostate and focus on the area slightly below it. You not only discovered something pleasurable, you gained a profound understanding of how your body works, and in turn, gained mastery over it. You’ll gain new respect (and wonder) at your body and be more willing to share it with the person you love.

Filling Yourself Out Like An Application.

The best way of ‘listening’ to your body is to ‘map out’ your hot spots. You’ll see lots of techniques in this series of posts but they’re essentially variations of a three-step process–hauling out a hand, a sex toy and asking the same question you learned in cultivating sensuality—“How can I make this more physically pleasurable?”

By understanding how your body responds to touch, pressure, temperature, moisture, positions, fantasies, and environment you will become more confident in bed. It will be easier to sense the signs of physiological arousal, act on it, and just as importantly, communicate it to your partner. Believe me, he wants to know. Knowing how to turn on a man is a gay man’s biggest turn-on.

Mapping The Goods.

A lot of men cover or avoid their body so much they’ve never actually taken a good look at their pleasure centers. It’s hard to conduct erotic cartography when you’re too embarrassed to look at the map.

So haul out a hand mirror, guys, we’re going to do a little aerial reconnaissance.

I will leave you to decide on how to conduct the guided tour of your personal landscape. The goal isn’t to become an anatomical expert as much as to familiarize yourself with the location, look and power of different joy-joy zones, from the head of your penis (where most of the sensitive nerve endings reside) to the anus to the prostate.

Use That Mirror

Look at your genitals by spreading your legs and using a mirror. Lie down on your back or sit up. Put your feet up against the walls or squat. There is no “correct” position. Explore yourself.

You’re not there to see if you like the look of your dick or ass (if you’re a lifelong practitioner of body shame it’s a safe bet you won’t), but to understand what they look like, to make them more real for you.

Just like looking at your face in the mirror gives you a sense of your personhood, looking at your undercarriage gives you a sense of your sexual self. Don’t judge; notice.

Explore with the mirror several times over the next couple of weeks. Shock and shame may dominate the first session as you’re not accustomed to seeing body parts that are almost always covered up.

It’s only in subsequent sessions that those feelings attenuate, affording you a better sense of how you’re put together. If you’re like most men, you’re going to be initially surprised by the size, shape, color and texture of different areas of your dick, ass and perineum. Some of your discoveries will be pleasing, some won’t. Try not to judge. Notice.

NEXT WEEK: Now that you have a better understanding of your landscape, let’s see what rich ores lie beneath. It’s time to test-drive your dick and ass.

Resources

Can You Make Fun Of Gays Without Sounding Homophobic?

I’m constantly facing the line between acceptable and unacceptable humor when I write my column.

For me, the line is clear.  Everything is fair game except slander and anything that could incite violence.

Bad taste is not a good enough reason to draw the line.  Neither is getting your feelings hurt.  After all, offending people is at the heart of a lot of humor.

Now, who should draw the line– *That’s* a difficult question.

It certainly can’t be lesbians.  I mean, do we really want to be dictated to by a bunch of easily offended women?   Most lesbians I know won’t go to restaurants because they’re insulted by the first three letters in the word “Menu.”

And it can’t be gay men.  They’re not available anyway–they’re too busy working out at the gym.  Don’t get me wrong.   I’m not saying gay men are shallow.  I’m saying you’ve stepped in deeper puddles.

Forget bi-sexuals.  They’re no help.  They’ll just confuse the issue.

Drag queens?  Please.  They can’t form a thought without lip-synching to it.

My point, and I do have one, is that it shouldn’t be up to gay people to decide who’s allowed to make fun of them and what they can say.

But it shouldn’t be up to the radio shock jocks, either.  I went on one of those shows and they were encouraging people to play a game they called “Smear the Queer.”

Excuse me, but that sounds like an open invitation for people to inflict violence.

Or what about those DJs who created a fictional character named “Stinky, the gay pedophile roommate?”  They’ll defend that by saying, “Oh, lighten up it’s just one character.”  Really?  Then why do I feel personally slandered with the accusation of criminal conduct?

I’m no stranger to making hamburgers out of sacred cows.  Hell, I serve them to lesbian vegetarians all the time.  But…

Wait, that’s redundant.

Anyway, there really is a difference between an insult and a slander, between an invitation to howl and an incitement to violence.

Nobody should be immune from humor but at the same time, nobody should be stigmatized or feel physically threatened by it, either.

The line between acceptable and unacceptable humor should be dictated by society’s evolving and sometimes competing values.   Fairness is one.  Non-violence is another.  But so is laughing at yourself, having the ability to take a joke without squealing like a stuck pig.

Gay Dating Advice

QUESTION
I tend to be a somewhat shy/naive person when it comes to flirting. Socially I am fine and do well making friends but when it comes to flirting I feel like I am out of my league. I really do enjoy conversations with people but after a great conversation, I always go home alone. The guy and I will usually hang out a couple more times and then we just fade out or I make a friend out of the deal. I am just bad…no HORRIBLE at picking up signals. I have friends ask me, “what happened with you and that guy you were with last night?” I reply “we had a good time and then we went home.” They always reply with something along the lines of, “You mean you both went home…alone…separate?”

They always point out things like body language and tell me how they knew the guy was flirting with me. On a side note I don’t invite my friends out with me, but I don’t live in a big city and when I go out with somebody I am bound to run into somebody I know considering most of the gay people hang out on one street here, luckily I have great friends that will come up and say hi but leave me and my date alone for the rest of the evening. Even if I am at the mall with friends they always pointing out that some guy was checking me out, but they always end up getting numbers and I end up wondering how they know these guys are into them. Well, one time I did know that a guy was into me at the mall, because he followed me to three different stores but then I got a “you want some candy?” vibe and ran.
 

I never pick up on body language or flirting, honestly I rarely ever know a guy is flirting unless he says so, BLUNTLY! My friends say that a smile it flirting, but I smile and say hi to people all the time and I am just being friendly. Online it tends to be worse. I really enjoy chatting but when I see a profile that really interests me one of two things happen: 1) I send a message and get a response, we go back and forth a couple times then I never know when the right time to ask the guy if he wants to go out. 2) I send a message, get a response and then I just don’t know what to say next in order to keep the guy’s attention.

 
I mean I know that this is online and most guys are looking for sex but I do want something more substantial. Problem is how do I get it? Not saying I don’t hook up with men, but for some reason asking for sex is easier than asking for a date. Crazy I know, but that is for another day. Please help me I cant be the only person who is signal-reading challenged right?

 
Sincerely,
 
Walking With Blinders On

PS- Also when is flirting too much? I don’t want to come off as desperate or give the “you want some candy?” vibe!

Dear Walking With Blinders On:
What we have here is a cut and dried case of fear. It’s like you don’t want to get on the field unless you are absolutely certain of what you should do when you should do it, and how you should do it.

I understand that you are suffering from “signal interference” in the sense that you are not processing flirting signals correctly. I get that. But you have a bigger problem: Your unwillingness to get in the game and make mistakes.

Yes, there are plenty of books and advice that will teach you how to flirt, how to read body language, how to meet gay men, hell, even how to bottom for them! But none of these books are going to be of any help if you are unwilling to put yourself out there. And by putting yourself out there I don’t mean just going out to bars, parties, and social events, but to actually take a chance and make a move.

The best advice I can give you is to “act as if.” Whenever you go out, act as if the guy you’re interested in, and talking to, is flirting with you. Simply assume it and act accordingly. If you’ve misread him then so what? You’ll be friends. But if you don’t misread him and he in fact is flirting with you then you have a real crack at his, well, crack.

I don’t want to go into all that is involved with getting your flirt game on because that is a longer conversation best saved for my books. But I do have to say you can’t make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. You keep holding up the eggs and wondering, dithering actually, what is in the egg, whether its protein goodness is meant for you, and whether or not there is something in there in the first place. Just crack it! If there’s nothing in it move onto the next egg.

Once you start assuming that good-looking guys are flirting with you, in other words, “acting as if”, it will all become clear to you. And all your bellyaching about misread signals will go away. Your fear is allowing you to conceptualize the problem too much. The problem isn’t so much your inability to interpret signals (I grant you that it IS a problem) but the paralysis that overwhelms you.

Now go, and crack a few eggs.

How To Give Great Head Part 4

I have a friend who calls his penis “Richard” because it’s long for Dick. I bring this up for two reasons. One, guys will often give their penises a pet name. Two, the nickname will always insinuate that his dick is so big it’s in the next room mixing drinks.

Be that as it may, the penis can sometimes get a bad rap. We call rude, aggressive guys “pricks” and characterize cruel actions as “dick moves.” Clearly, the penis needs a little PR.

It’s all too common to oversimplify the penis as a dumb burrito, just hanging around with his two bros all day until it’s time to urinate or ejaculate. In reality, the cock is a nuanced, complicated, beautiful creation that ought to be understood and appreciated in full, not sucked or stroked mindlessly. It’s strong but sensitive, hard but fleshy and the external expression of a man’s soul. Let’s take a closer look:

Fans of The Glans

If you put a tuxedo on a guy’s penis, the glans is the part that would be above the bow tie. The head might be considered the public face of the penis, its spokesman. If the penis has got anything to say, it’s the head that will do the talking (be careful though, because it’s known to spit when it speaks). It’s the mushroom-shaped tip of the penis that is visible on guys who have been circumcised, and which magically appears when the foreskin is pulled back on uncut guys. Peekaboo!

The penis glans has a much higher concentration of nerve endings than the shaft, so the head is an essential part of bringing a man satisfaction and release. The glans has a coronal ridge separating it from the shaft (the outer edge of the “helmet”). Sexual scientists have identified the head as being the most significant area of stimulation the closer a guy is to climax, and you can only imagine the experiments that were used to reach that obvious conclusion.

The glans likes to be licked, kissed, sucked, and rubbed against the insides of your mouth and throat. It should never come in contact with your teeth for the same reason Kanye West should never come in contact with a microphone: Someone’s going to get hurt. The head of a penis is very sensitive—baring your teeth will do it no favors.

The head of the penis is more diverse and complex than it appears at first glans, so let’s get on our knees and take a closer look at what we’re about to put in our mouths.

The Eye Of The Tiger: His Peehole

Ever notice that the penis always seems to have a mischievous grin? That’s the urinary meatus, commonly known as the pee hole—the opening through which urine and cum flow. There are two lips covering the pee hole and they’re dying for a kiss. Pucker up!

Although what comes out of the pee hole may gross you out, know that there are relatively few “germs” in urine due to the ammonia it contains. If a man washes properly his dick is generally one of the cleanest parts of his body. 

But the urinary meatus is more than just a utilitarian tube for bodily fluids. It is a supremely sensitive part of the custard cannon and can be tenderly stimulated by licking and kissing. In fact, here’s a little known secret: “French kissing” the pee hole will catapult you into the blowjob hall of fame contention. The sensation is so delicious, so unbelievably stimulating that the laziest guy on earth will turn to you and say, “You make me want to get a job.”

Why Is The Head Of The Penis
Shaped Like A Mushroom?

One theory is that it is designed to be more like a shovel, or specifically a “semen displacement device.” Scientists at the State University of New York at Albany speculate that the penis evolved into a shape that allowed the second or third guy entering a woman’s vagina to “scoop out” the semen of the men who ejaculated inside her prior to his own entrance.

“Thus, the human penis may enable males to substitute their semen for the semen of their competitors,” the researchers wrote.

The V-Spot: His Frenulum 

Did you know that dicks have a V-spot – a sort of hot spot in an already erotic zone? It’s a small triangular region where a thin strip of skin called the frenulum attaches to the glans. The frenulum is the band of tissue that connects the foreskin on the underside of a man’s penis to the corona; on circumcised guys, the frenulum streams toward the corona in a V shape, which is how this pleasure zone derived its nickname.

The V-spot is loaded with erogenous nerves that can amplify a man’s orgasm. If it’s true that men think with their penis, then this is the command center. The V-spot responds to caressing, whether with your tongue, lips or fingers. Those who master the art of pleasing it will be rewarded with a penis that acts like a puppy at mealtime.

Get Shafted

Ahhhh, it’s time to meet Big Daddy. The shaft is what separates a two-inch cock from a ten-inch monster. It defines a guy’s sense of manhood (which is why so many guys lie about its length), and makes your mouth water when you imagine it sliding into your mouth.

The shaft is the part of the penis that runs from the base of the head to a guy’s balls, and it comes in an infinite variety of lengths, girths, curves, and textures. Sometimes it’s smooth and sometimes it’s veiny, sometimes it’s short and thick and sometimes it’s long and lanky. Sometimes the oral sex stars align and it’s long, thick, and worthy of the name “Richard.”

The shaft is filled with erectile tissue that expands and contracts based on a guy’s arousal and blood flow. Compared to the uniform sensitivity of the head, the shaft is more versatile when it comes to the amount of pressure or friction applied.

Next week:  On to the balls.  Never forget the balls!

RESOURCES

How To Deal With A Low Sex Drive Part 4

In our continuing series on sexing up your bedroom…

The Bed

Add a romantic canopy or tent, even if you’re not sleeping in a four-poster bed.  You can simply hang it from the ceiling with eye hooks.

If you have plain looking curtains, try spicing things up a bit by replacing them with billowy, lacy curtains. These look terrific and if you have a quiet, low-speed fan in the room, the curtains will sway back and forth, creating a billowy motion.

Soundtrack Your Love Life

Besides lighting, nothing creates an atmosphere and maintains the mood more than music.  Make sure the entire stereo, not just the speakers, is in the bedroom.  There’s nothing worse than leaving the room to change the CD.

Kick your romance quotient up a notch or two by burning your own playlist.  If you want to go classical, you can’t go wrong with Making Out to Mozart, Shacking Up to Chopin or Bedroom Bliss With Beethoven.  If you want something more contemporary try some of the seductive vibes in Ultra Chill albums.

Fragrances

Consider scenting the room with a more masculine scent.  Specifically, lavender.  French studies reveal that men respond more favorably to rooms scented with lavender.

Bedroom Don’ts

If you want your bedroom to be sexy, clean it.  Laundry piled on the dresser, mountains of loose change and dirty clothes on the floor are enough to make a Viagra pill go soft.  Anything that doesn’t promote a romantic or relaxing atmosphere has to go, including…

Pictures

No photos of the family.  When your partner yells “WHO’S YOUR DADDY!”  he doesn’t want to be looking at a picture of your father.  It’ll just confuse him.

And please, no pictures of ex-boyfriends.  They’re okay for one-night stands but if you actually know the name of the guy you brought home (a good sign you want to date him) then ditch the ex pics.

Pets

It’s okay to have an animal in the bedroom if it’s you on all fours. Otherwise, keep them out.  Do you really want your cat coughing up a hairball when you reach the moment of truth?  Or a dog that pokes you with a cold wet nose in an inappropriate spot?  Close the door on Fido and Frida.

Clutter

Papers, clips, staplers, pens, dirty laundry, clean laundry, keys, spare change, PLEASE.  Nothing kills a romantic mood faster than clutter.   If you have a small bedroom, just eliminating clutter can make it look a lot bigger.  Have a designated storage space (a decorative box for instance) for spare change, papers and anything else that’s cluttering the room.

Miscellaneous Items

Laundry:  If it absolutely can’t go anywhere but the bedroom, at least keep it in a shut hamper without stray socks or sweaters hanging out of it.

Exercise equipment:  Another bad idea in the bedroom.  There is nothing romantic, relaxing or soothing about something that looks like a medieval torture device NASA threw out of the shuttle.

Television:  It’s a WMD–a weapon of mass distraction.  Take it out of the room, unless you’re going to watch an erotic video together.  If you can’t bring yourself to do it, how about a compromise? Hide your television (and other electronic equipment) inside a large armour, so it doesn’t take away from the romantic look of your room.

Bedroom Do’s

There are three items you might consider putting in your bedroom:

Aquarium: It’s relaxing and adds a touch of nature

A tabletop fountain or waterfall: water is symbolic for renewal

An upholstered bench: It tends to make the bed bigger and more inviting.

From Sensuality To Sexuality

Remember, there is a point to all this emphasis on sensuality.  It trains your mind to take a back seat to your body.  It keeps you in the moment and out of your thoughts.

Cultivating sensuality means training yourself to be aware of what your body likes.  By giving yourself fully to the sensation of pleasure, you bypass your inner critic.  By emphasizing the primacy of your senses, your body can reset the wiring in your mind.   Our first-order goal is to enhance your sense of well-being which promotes sex which reinforces well-being which increases sexual desire.  Cultivating sensuality on a daily basis will pull you into this reinforcement cycle.

When you allow your body to experience joy, you gain a better appreciation of it.  You will do things for it the way it does things for you.  The mind-body connection is a dance.  You’ve been letting your mind take the lead and all it’s done is step on toes, wrench backs and move the wrong ways.  It’s time to let your body take over for a little while.  It’s a wonderful partner when you learn to follow its lead.

Resources