Got any advice for guys who like sex in the shower? I’ve got a typical apartment bathroom—not much room to move around so my options seem limited.
— Wet behind the ears
Dear Wet:
You’ve come to the right place. As founder of a new chain of household goods—Bed, Bath & Bend Over – I’ve got some great suggestions.
Researchers at George Mason University and Indiana University recently studied the sexual behaviors of 24,787 gay or bisexual-identified men who had a same-sex encounter within the last year.
They surveyed these guys through the internet and while they acknowledge that their primarily white sample is not “representative of the general population,” they still say their findings might encourage gay men’s sexual health professionals to stop focusing purely on disease and anal sex, because gay dudes aren’t having nearly as much anal sex as they might think.
Here are some of the study’s more interesting findings:
GENTLEMEN PREFER KISSING (AND BJS) – During their most recent same-sex encounter, 75 percent of all men gave oral sex, 74.8 percent kissed on the mouth, 74 percent received oral sex. Only about 35 percent of all men went full-blown anal. Apparently the question, “Are you a top or a bottom?” only matters one-third of the time.
QUESTION:
In a previous column you wrote about a study that hooked up the peckers of homophobes to a machine that measured blood flow when they watched gay porn. Really fascinating stuff. But I have another use for that machine. See, I have a lot of friends who claim they’re bisexual. I’d love to hook them up to that machine, show them hetero porn and see what the peter meter says. Is it possible to buy one of those things?
— Buy-curious
Dear Buy-Curious:
Of course you can. For $8,000. The penile plethysmograph determines if there’s sexual arousal by measuring the circumference of the penis. A stretchable mercury-filled band is fitted around the penis and connected to a machine with a video screen and data recorder. Any changes in penis size, even those not felt by the man, are recorded while he watches porn. Computer software shows graphs detailing the degree of arousal.
Now wait’ll you hear what the machine was originally invented for: [Read more…] about The Machine That Measures Bisexuality
QUESTION:
Do you think there’s such a thing as “Lesbian Bed Death” syndrome or is it an urban myth? And do you think there’s a gay male version of it?
— Ain’t Sure
Dear Ain’t:
About 20 years ago a major sex study showed that women in lesbian relationships had significantly less sex than women in heterosexual ones. Since then, lesbians have been the victims of drive-by “lesbian bed death” jokes. Like, what do you call it when you’re paralyzed from the waist down? A lesbian relationship.
The study’s findings may have been true 20 years ago but I doubt it holds any juices today. [Read more…] about Can Lesbian Bed Death Happen To Gay Couples?
QUESTION:
I know reading and giving body language has a lot to do with whether you’re going to get, as you like to say, “you’re prey”, in the sack. But what kind of body language signs should I be using and looking for? It all seems so confusing.
— Body stutterer
Dear Body Stutterer:
Hand gestures are the first thing to look at because they’re so expressive and give so many clues as to what “your prey” is feeling.
As Tracey Cox, my co-host on HBO’s Sex Inspectors says, “Under pressure our bodies leak. Our true feelings come gushing out in gestures.”
For instance, men who are interested check and adjust their appearance. Wait. That’s every gay man in every gay circumstance. You’re right. This is confusing. Still, if he’s not interested he probably won’t care what he looks like to you.
Another mark of interest: If he stands with his hands on his [Read more…] about Gay body language: How To Read It; How To Use It
Question:
Do you think eating well can improve your sex life?
— Dying to Eat
Dear Dying:
Yes, I do but not in the sense that if you eat, say, blueberries, that somehow you’re going to put an extra “o” in “ooohhh.” [Read more…] about Can Diet Help Your Sex Life?
You know what the top two questions to my gay sex advice column are?
1. How can I bottom without pain
2. How do I get myself clean enough
The problem with these questions is that I can only write about them so much without my column turning into The Gay Bottom Handbook. But then I thought, hey, why not ? (Creating a handbook; not turning my column into one).
Introducing Gay Anal Sex: How To Bottom Without Pain Or Stains, the ebook that answers every question you ever had about gay sex. If you’re wondering how some gay bottoms can swallow living room sectionals when a finger gives you excruciating pain, then this book’s for you.
You’ll discover simple tricks and techniques that’ll short-circuit the pain so you can finally experience the sometimes earth-shattering orgasms male anal sex can give you.
At $9.99, it’s a recession busting, cherry-popping read. Click here to order:
I used hypnosis to quit smoking. Do you think it would help with erectile dysfunction? I’ve read you enough to know there are medical and psychological reasons for impotence but how do you tell one from the other?
— Feeling Sleepy
Dear Sleepy:
Your problem reminds me of the time I ran into a sobbing 12-year-old boy outside the mall, holding a hundred dollar bill.
Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong.
His mother had given him two hundred dollars to buy the family Christmas gifts. He hadn’t even entered the mall when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills and ran off.
“Why didn’t you scream for help?” I asked. [Read more…] about Can Hypnosis Help Erectile Dysfunction?
Question:
One day I was staring at my balls after I beat off and realized they were moving by themselves. At first I thought it was because I had just ejaculated, but they move by themselves whether I’ve masturbated or not. Do they have a life of their own? Why do they move?
— Movin’ on up…and down
Dear Movin’:
The movement is what experts call “testicular circulation”—blood coursing throughout the scrotum via internal streets and avenues known as veins and arteries.
When your balls are practically doing the tango with each other it’s because of the cremaster and dartos muscles. They move testicles in and out like the line outside my editor’s bedroom.
Remember, testicles are sperm factories and they’re heat sensitive. Sperm need to be kept at a certain temperature or they’ll start dying like flies in a jar—slowly and painfully.
When the “boys” get cold, they snuggle up and get warm. When they’re hot they hang lower than the scruples of a circuit queen looking for her next bump.
Ever notice how just before orgasm, your testicles get into a lock-and-load position? That’s the cremaster and dartos muscles working it as hard as you are.
Want to try a cool experiment? Make the boys dance. Next time you’re in bed with a guy (and if you’re like the rest of my readers, that should be in about 10 minutes), touch the upper inner portion of his thigh.
Watch closely as his testicles move in the direction away from where your hand is touching. It’s called the cremasteric reflex, which keeps the boys out of harm’s way. When the “threat” is over, the testicles will come back to whatever position they feel safe in. Usually, your partner’s mouth.
