Combining Blowjobs With Prostate Massage Part 1

If you want your partner to experience a seismic orgasm that would register on a Pacific Rim Richter scale, then massage his prostate while you’re blowing him. This, of course, would require you to penetrate his rectum with a lubed-up finger and stimulate his prostate gland.

There’s just one problem if your dude is Mr. Macho Top. He will most likely perceive you finger-banging his bum as a violation of his masculinity. What’s next? he’ll ask. Designing the Macy’s Christmas window? Figure skating? Cock-flavored lollipops? We’ll talk about the best way of convincing him later. First, as every gay man likes to say when he’s in a tight spot, “Let me back up.”

Let’s talk a little more about the prostate. It’s a walnut-sized gland located between the bladder and the penis (just in front of the rectum). It produces fluid that nourishes and protects sperm. During orgasm, it squeezes this fluid into the urethra where it mixes with sperm and comes out as that whitish semen many of us think of as the nectar of the Gods.

Obviously, the prostate is crucial to a male’s experience of orgasm.  You constantly experience “ejaculatory inevitability”—the point when you’re about to come and you feel it deep inside before anything comes out. The vas deferens, seminal vesicles, and the prostate generate that feeling.

If the prostate plays such a critical part of a man’s orgasm, it makes sense that stimulating it is going to dramatically heighten the pleasure of an orgasm.  Being anally penetrated doesn’t say anything about your masculinity. It simply means you discovered a way to make your orgasms more pleasurable.

Dorothy, You’re Not In Ken’s Ass Anymore

Stimulating the prostate in just the right way can create enormous sexual excitement. In some men, simply stroking the prostate can make them spontaneously orgasm.

The biggest obstacle to massaging the prostate is getting past the two sets of sphincter muscles that guard the goods inside.

Everybody Has Two Sets of Sphincter Muscles.

The two sphincters sets are distinct but overlapping bands of muscle tissue. And while they serve the exact same function (regulating grand openings and final close-outs) they go about it in different ways. You are most familiar with the external sphincter because you can order it to tighten and release. Here, try it. Squinch your starfish by using the muscles to stop yourself from peeing. Got it? Tighten, release, tighten, release. Now, this time with feeling! Tighten, release! Tighten, release!

Now do five fast tightens. Get it? You can boss that part of your butt around. Feel like taking a crap but there’s no bathroom around? No problem. You can will your external sphincter not to open. At least for a while.

But the internal sphincter? You can’t tell it to do shit. And I mean that in every sense of the word. You are not its boss. Like your blood pressure and heartbeat, you cannot directly control it.

Do this: Put your hands in front of you as if you’re praying. Now intertwine your fingers down to the webbing and press your palms together as tight as you can. Now keep everything connected and completely relax both hands. Notice the small opening between the side of your thumb and your index finger? This is the opening to your anus. If somebody tried to poke their finger through that opening it would feel snug but it’d go in pretty easy.

Now tighten both hands as hard as you can. The left hand is the internal sphincter you cannot directly control. The right hand is the external sphincter you can. Keeping the left hand tight as a drum, completely relax your right hand. Your right hand (external sphincter) is relaxed so a slight opening was created. But your left hand (internal sphincter) is so tight that it won’t let a poking finger through very easily.

Welcome to anal play’s first dilemma: The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing. Or more accurately, the left hand doesn’t care what the right hand is doing. The internal and external sphincter can and often do work independently of each other. In order to make penetration smooth and effortless both sphincters have to get on the same page.

Next in Part 2 of our series:  Techniques!

 

 

RESOURCES

9 Must-Know Techniques For Giving Good Head

I do enjoy the sensation of feeling it in my mouth; when poked it’s hard and firm but the texture is silky smooth. It’s like licking a popsicle made of steel but kept in a taut silk bag.

—K.

The traditional way of giving head—what I call the “selfless blowjob”—is a no-strings-attached gift to the man. It’s giving without getting and it will eventually end up making you feel used and sexually bored. But in “selfish” blowjobs pleasure is distributed evenly and in many ways, tilted to your favor.

Selfish blowjobs require the giver to think of himself first and your partner second while aiming for mutual pleasure. It doesn’t mean doing something your partner doesn’t like just because you do. For example, it might bring you great pleasure to bite his dick with your back molars, but that would inconsistent with the concept of mutual pleasuring. Selfish blowjobs are not about denying your partner pleasure but in prioritizing yours. It’s about finding the overlap between two parties, the sweet spot that allows the giver to get as much or more as the given.

Tune In So You Can Turn On

Have you ever seen a speaker tap a microphone that’s obviously working and ask, “Is this thing on?” You need to do the same thing to your partner’s dick—tap it and ask, “Am I turned on?” Because if you’re not, you’re never going to enjoy blowing him.

Get in touch with why you like masculinity’s Main Representative and you will certainly start liking blowjobs. For most guys, it’s a curious mix of feeling powerful and submissive as described here:

“I love LOVE giving my partner head. I love the feeling of knowing that I’M in control, teasing him, knowing that it’s all me that’s making him curl his toes and go crazy from the teasing. I love hearing him moan as I do what I do, hearing him say I’m amazing, pulling my hair etc.”

—P.

“I’m pretty submissive so the act of a blowjob ranges either from teasing him and watching him squirm to being dominated and deep throated. I’ve definitely come before while sucking someone so it’s mostly a mental thing. At this point, I kind of just love having a cock in my mouth, especially my SO’s [significant other’s] who I adore and who is always really mind blown by it.”

—L.

But attraction to power dynamics aren’t the only reason to want his hardness in your mouth. It’s also about the pleasure you get from seeing him in so much ecstasy that it renders him incapable of thought. And because his erection is a symbol of his attraction for you, it makes sense that you would want to pleasure it. Its hard but silky sensation has a good “mouth feel” and having it there creates a tender after-it’s-done intimacy.

Once you understand why you like penis, it’s time to express that desire with your lips, tongue, throat, and hands. But not just for him; for you. As I’ve said before, to truly give great head you have to see it as critical to your own sexual satisfaction. You have to see blowjobs as a principal way for you to pleasure yourself, not just him. If you don’t, you’ll see it as a chore, not a choice; a task, not a turn-on.

Once you approach blowjobs with the idea that you are going to get as much or more pleasure than your partner, then you’re ready to apply the techniques we’ve talked about in the book. If you can master the nine most important techniques below, everything else is just frosting on the cake (white and creamy!):

1. Your Mouth Has To Be Wetter Than A Cucumber At A Gay Prison

The wetter your mouth the better it’ll feel to him and the easier it will be on your mouth, lips, tongue and throat. You’ll slip, slide and glide easier and get more pleasure out of what you’re doing. The fastest, most convenient way to produce more saliva while you’re giving him head is to visualize biting into a lemon or to “gleek” – placing the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth for a few moments (it pools the saliva under your tongue).

2. Always Start Slow And Gradually Build Up

Apply the law of reciprocity—how would you want him to go down on you? You’d want a slow build. Think of an iron warming up, not a rocket taking off.

Everything should start gently and slowly (the grip, the pressure, the speed) and build toward a climax, with an emphasis on the journey, not the destination. Think of a giant roller coaster. You don’t just get on it and jerk away at 60 MPH. It chugs slowly and inexorably toward the top and then…all hell breaks loose.

3. Don’t Forget The Balls! People Always Forget The Balls!

It’s every guy’s main complaint. The scrotum sack isn’t there for decoration (if it were it’d look a lot prettier). It’s a joy palace packed with sensitive nerve endings that can make the difference between him momentarily enjoying a blowjob and fantasizing about it for a month.

4. Use Your Hands As An Extension Of Your Mouth

After a few minutes of mouth-only action, you will drive him crazy if you add your hands to the mix. Mouths can’t create the pressure or friction most guys need to maximize their pleasure (especially to ejaculate).

5. Use Your Tongue To French Kiss The Head Of His Penis

This is one of those “If you don’t remember anything else” tips because the sensation is so extraordinary.

6. Make Some Noise

Sweet smacking sounds, squelchy, sloppy slurping and slovenly sucking are music to a man’s ear. He’ll put it on Spotify and mark it as his favorite playlist. Sex sounds are primal passion boosters; their power cannot be overstated.

7. Keep Him On Edge With The Peacock Technique

Use a “suspense and resolve” approach to build anticipation and create memorable experiences. Remember, it’s not what you do to him. It’s where you take him. And you can take him to the edge of space with a Tease-Lure-Escalate-Resolve model.

8. Keep The Same Rhythm When He’s Close To Climaxing

There’s such a thing as momentum during sex and you don’t want to change anything when you sense it. If he starts approaching “ejaculatory inevitability,” keep the same grip, pressure, speed, rhythm and moisture until he finishes completely. Do not change anything (unless he asks you to—and it’s usually “Faster! Harder!”) It’s fine if you don’t want to swallow or even get semen in your mouth—pull your mouth off his cock but keep going with your hands. It’s also important for you to keep going until he has completely stopped coming. Better to have him pull you off than to leave him too early in his hour of need.

9. The Most Important Technique Of All!

There is one last technique and it’s critical to an effective blowjob. Everything else we’ve talked about falls apart if you skip it. Let me re-introduce it by asking you to solve a riddle. But here’s the thing—YOU CAN’T USE A CALCULATOR. Are you ready?

You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get in. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

It’s YOU, silly. My point, and I really do have one, is that it’s easy to lose yourself in an activity that requires you to pay attention to other people. You should approach a blowjob the way you approach a sex toy—by asking yourself how it can give you the most pleasure.

That means asking yourself a lot of questions throughout a blowjob session. Like, am I comfortable? Does this feel good to me? How can I make this feel even better? How can I enhance the physical sensations I’m experiencing? What can I do that will turn me on more?

And the most important question? It’s for your partner: What can HE do to give you more pleasure?

Oh, Swell

When it comes to blowjobs you can go from “I don’t want to do this” to “I don’t want this to stop” by simply tuning in to what turns you on about a penis and learning techniques that give mutual pleasure. In fact, this is how you should approach any sex act. 

 

RESOURCES

Gay Sex: How To Give Great Head Part 2

The first thing that’ll help you change your mind about blowjobs is to reframe why you’re doing it. Whenever we do something for somebody else we quickly turn it into a “chore.” A job. An unwelcome necessity to keep your partner happy.  You should be doing this for yourself because it gives you pleasure. 

Are You Groaning About Groins?

Perhaps the reason you don’t enjoy giving blowjobs is that guys you’ve gone down on smelled like swamp ass.

There’s also understandable anxiety about one’s mouth coming in contact with the part of a man’s body that excretes bodily waste. Even if not a drop of his pee enters your mouth, plenty of guys can’t tolerate the faint scent of urine and sweat that can build up while his package is tucked into underwear.

Unlike ovens, a man’s penis is not self-cleaning, so it’s important to make sure your partner washes his private areas thoroughly before oral sex. This is especially important for uncut guys, as their foreskin retains a natural lubricant known as smegma, which can accumulate and acquire an unappealing odor.

If you’ve had bad experiences with smells and odors, good news! Your man can cure it with soap and water! Yes, it’s that easy. Sometimes you’ve got to draw a line in the sand by punishing bad behavior (“no bjs for you, buddy, until you clean up!”) and rewarding good, clean deeds (“Spread your legs, I’m coming in!”). The simple truth is that you have to be demanding of your men. Quick story to make my point: 

A Jewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach. He’s playing in the water, she is standing on the shore, not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly onto the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He was swept away.

The grandma holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries: “Lord, how could you? Haven’t I been a wonderful grandmother? Haven’t I been a wonderful mother? Haven’t I kept a kosher home? Haven’t I given to the B’nai B’rith? Haven’t I lit candles every Friday night? Haven’t I tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?”

A voice booms from the sky, “All right already!”

A few minutes later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there. He is smiling and splashing around as if nothing had ever happened.

The voice booms again. “I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?”

She responds, “He had a hat.”

My point, and I do have one, is that you must demand more of your men if they expect a blowjob. Take heart from these demanding guys, who make no bones about their expectations:

“I only, ONLY give blowjobs if the guy looks after himself, especially down there (shaven, cleaned, and a good diet). I’ve slept with guys who didn’t look after themselves (bad diet, didn’t think about cleaning down there, didn’t shave) and it’s unpleasant to the point where the cum made me want to hurl.

I’ve also given blowjobs to guys who did look after themselves. One guy in particular was very into being in tip-top condition, had a Pinterest-worthy diet and he was a bit of a clean freak. It was absolutely magical to suck his dick. It was smooth and everything smelled nice. His cum had the slightest sweet tinge to the taste but other than that it was tasteless and had no smell, and it was so smooth and silky in my mouth too. I literally could have sucked his dick all day. He was also very vocal about his pleasure, which I found satisfying. I think there is a lot to be said for having a guy look after himself down there.”

—N.

“I love blowjobs only if guys meet my criteria. If it’s a dick that I really find attractive, attached to a guy who knows what he’s doing in that department (grooming, diet for the sake of cum taste, etc.), I want to suck it for hours. Even longer if it’s a guy who’s vocal and shows the pleasure he’s receiving through squirms and moans and shudders.”

—A.

“I can’t feel like I’m OBLIGATED to blow him. When I go down on my manfriend, I really want to, and I suck that thing like I’m on The Price is Right and I want to win the fucking convertible. You’ve got to worship the dick, but on YOUR terms. That’s all I’m sayin’.”

—D.

But It’s Uncomfortable!

Some guys actually like giving head but don’t want to put up with the physical discomfort they experience. Their lips are easily stretched to the limits of their elasticity, or they can’t take more than two inches before they choke like a crow with too much in its craw.

We’ll explore overcoming the physical discomfort of giving head in the next chapter, so you can cross discomfort off your list now. Meantime, admit it, do you…

Suck at Sucking?

If the reason you don’t enjoy giving oral sex is because you’re bad at it, I admire your self-awareness. Maybe you’ve been told your blowjobs are heartless, dry and toothy, and you see no point in subjecting other penises to such mistreatment. Bartender, another round of lack of confidence, please!

Kudos to your sensitivity, but incompetence is a flimsy excuse to rob yourself of giving or receiving pleasure. I remember a friend telling me that after one of his first attempts at giving a blowjob, his date said, “If this were a restaurant, I’d send it back.” He was crushed. But not for long, because it gave him the determination to get better.

 

RESOURCES

Gay Dating Advice: Is Backing up from a Guy You like Playing Games?

I had lunch with an acquaintance who’s going out with one of my best friends. A best friend who’s not that into my acquaintance. Oh he likes him fine, and they do a lot together but it’s clear that the acquaintance is falling in love and my best friend is not.

As we sat there over our chicken caesar salad I tried to hint to him that his best course of action is to backup and give my bff some space. “Look,” I said.  “when two people come at each other and one is running a lot faster than the other one is there’s going to be a crash. The faster one is going to flatten the slower one. The job of the person who’s going faster is to slow down and mirror the slower one.”

“But isn’t that playing games,” he asked.” Any time somebody has to pretend that they’re not as interested in the other guy is playing a game.”

Is that true? I don’t think so. Slowing down when the other guy is clearly not as into you isn’t playing a game: it’s honoring where that person is.   It’s understanding that the other person has not had the number or kind of experiences he needs to see you fully.

Time, distance, and space give him the opportunity to work things out in his head about his feelings and it activates the age-old quote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Playing games is an attempt at manipulation.  But is listening to the other person and giving them what they need playing a game?   I don’t think so. All of us have been in a situation where we’ve dated people we weren’t that into. The more that person pushed the more we backed away. But when that person backed up and created space we experienced a natural phenomenon: nature abhors a vacuum. When one is created you will either step into it and create more closeness or you will back out of it and break the vacuum.

Giving somebody space to figure out whether they want to fill the vacuum or break it isn’t playing games.  It’s gift-giving, to them and to yourself.

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

Giving Great Handjobs Part 2

Ol’ Faithful

The most elementary handjob involves grasping your man’s shaft with one hand while cupping his balls with the other. Guide your up-and-down strokes with your wrists, not your arm. Do this: Stick your arm straight out in front of you with your thumbnail facing the ceiling and your hand shaped like it’s gripping your partner’s member. Now keep your wrist still and move your arm up and down in exaggerated motions. Got it? Okay, now keep your arm still and move your wrist up and down. Great.

Now, keep moving your wrist up and down and move your arm with it slightly. THIS is the perfect way to stroke him—a lot of wrist and very little arm. Your stroking should span from the base of the penis to just above the ridge of the head.

The contact between your hand and your man’s head will make him tingle, but be sure that your hand is not passing the ridge with abrasive force. Massage and tickle his balls while you stroke in order to get the semen-producing parts of his penis fully operating, and soon he’ll be shooting out his magic potion.

Corkscrew

Make a ring with your thumb and index finger and position your hand at the base of your man’s shaft, then use your other hand to make a similar ring around the head of the penis. Now bring those two rings together toward the middle of his shaft, twisting in opposite directions, using your wrist and elbows to maximize torque.

Launch & Orbit

Send your man into outer space with this technique, which uses two types of motion to help him lift off. Use your dominant hand to grasp the shaft and stroke it in your regular style (the launch), then place the other hand, palm open, atop the head of the penis and begin massaging it in a circular motion (the orbit). It might take some practice for you to master the harmony of the up-and-down and circular stimulation. It’s a little like patting your head and massaging your belly in circles—it takes a minute or two to get it right, but it’ll be well worth it when you see the look on his face.

Doggy Style

One of the ways to add novelty to an activity your man is intimately familiar with is to offer a technique that he can’t fully enjoy by himself. Have him get on his knees in front of you, then pull his dick in between his spread thighs and begin stroking. The position accelerates blood flow to the penis and gives your man a new sensation from what he is used to. It also gives you easy access to his taint and butt hole so you can amp up his orgasm.

Hand As Butt

Here’s a technique that varies from his solo stroke sessions. Pretend your hands are a telescope and look through them. Keep your hands in that position and lower them to crotch level. Now have him penetrate your hand-created faux-butt. Essentially, all you’re doing is keeping your hands still while he pumps his way to satisfaction—talk about an easy day’s work!

Bookends

For this method, your hands are flattened on either side of his penis with your fingers pointing up. Pretend your hands are bookends propping up the bestseller between them. Now move them up and down in parallel motion. Vary it by having the hands go in opposite directions. Vary it even further by turning the “bookends” on their side, where your thumbs are positioned toward the head and your pinkies toward his pubic hair.

Fire Starter

This technique is similar to Bookends in that both of your hands are flattened on either side of your man’s penis, but with your fingers parallel to the floor. Instead of moving your hands in unison, alternate directions. Imagine you’re warming your hand up, or rubbing kindle to start a fire, then let his cum douse the flames!

Knob Twister

Grip one of your hands around the base of your man’s penis, and keep it stationary to help blood concentrate in the shaft and head. Use your other hand to gently grip the head, then begin twisting this hand (make sure it’s lubed!) as if you were turning a doorknob, opening an erotic euphoria that your man won’t want to step out of.

V-Spot Pinch

Again, gripping the base of your man’s dick with one hand, use the other to trace the underside of his shaft until you get to the V-Spot and begin tickling it. Next, form a ring with your thumb and index finger to twist circles around this super-sensitive area. After stimulating the V-Spot for a few seconds with this motion, remove the ring from around the head, and begin gently pinching the V-Spot, rubbing it in soft circles.

Bottomless Pit

Turn your hands into an infinite love tunnel with this technique, in which you grip the top of your man’s penis with one hand and slide it down the shaft. Before his head is fully exposed, use your other hand to repeat this same motion, and continue “stacking” your fists on his dick so that it feels like your man is penetrating a bottomless cavern. You can also reverse this technique, with the hands moving upward from the base to the head, giving your man the sensation that all of the life is about to be drained from him.

Now that you’ve tickled his pickle are you brave enough to toss his salad? Let’s set the table and see if you’re game. Watch for our installment next week!

 

RESOURCES

How To Deal With Your Own Cynicism

I have a friend who’s pretty much given up on finding anybody worthwhile dating. He doesn’t update his dating apps anymore, doesn’t go to gay bars, and generally avoids people outside his immediate circle of friends. He feels like dating never bought anything positive into his life.

How does he deal with this kind of cynicism?

The first thing is to take inventory. The only common denominator in your dating failures is you. Yes maybe people were cruel, maybe people ditched you or don’t pay attention to you for a variety of reasons, but you are the common thread. Take some responsibility.

It’s far more valuable to ask yourself, “What role have I played in my dating failures?” than to point the blame at someone else and have three fingers pointing back at you.

Another thing is to stop asking the question that bedevils most single gay guys: “Why can’t I find quality guys to date?” The better question to ask is, “Am I a quality guy to date?” You do not have the power to change other people but you do have the power to change yourself.

You don’t have to be positive Pollyanna but you do have to ditch the cynicism if you want to move forward. Most guys at a gay bar, upon meeting a cutie, might ask, “Can I buy you a drink?” But if you find yourself turning the question into, “Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?” then you know you have a little work to do on your cynicism.

Cynicism repels decent guys. Take inventory and make sure you’re not spraying your own personal brand of repellent on the guys you’re attracted to.

 

Resources

Gay Texting: Don’t Be so Chintzy with Your Vowels

Is it right to text as if every letter costs a dollar?

“K.”  “cu L8r.”  “Ur2much.”

Are those examples of new texting vocabulary or simply The New Laziness?  I can’t decide. On the one hand, it is shorthand. On the other hand,  I want to show you the back of my hand when I get texts like that.

Of course, I do it too, shamefully,  but I’m not going to let a little hypocrisy get in the way of a good blog post.  I really do get it – – sometimes you’re just in such a hurry it doesn’t make sense to spell out a word when you can type out a shorter version of it. Texting isn’t just a new vocabulary– in some ways, it’s a new language. A beaten-up type of language.

Take the humble word, ‘okay’. Texters spell it with the letters OK.  But the true aficionados have shortened even those two letters to one: K. But even that has morphed into two letters: KK. Now, why would you go from the word okay to the letters OK to one letter, K, and then to 2 letters –KK?

Simple. Texting is becoming a new language. Or more to the point, a bastardized language with its own rules and preferences. But back to acting as if every vowel cost you a dollar. Does it hurt you in the dating game? I think like anything else it depends on a lot of things: how old you are, how old your intended is, and how you want to come across. For the most part, I think an over-reliance on shortened words, especially in the beginning stages of courtship, is not a good thing. When the words you type and the letters you use to make up those words, are the only thing that you’re being judged on (and YOU ARE)  then the argument goes for spelling things out.

Even if it’s not as much fun. Ifugt mydrft.

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

I’ve always been intrigued by articles that title themselves, “How to Have Gay Sex.” Seems like it should be self-evident, yes? Actually, no. Nobody gets schooled in the art of gay sex. The only real teacher is experience. But experience can be a cold, not to mention painful, master.

Women don’t need to be taught how to receive a penis between their legs. But men absolutely have to be taught that. An average-sized man is going to fit into an average-sized woman with very little problem. That is not necessarily true between two men. Actually, that is ABSOLUTELY not true.

Somebody once told me that reaching a man’s pleasure center – – his prostate – – is like eating lobster. You have to work really hard to get to the meat. He’s right about that but he left out, as most tops do, the other side of the equation. What about the lobster? He’s the one getting his shell cracked! [Read more…] about Introducing the Latest in Our “How to Have Gay Sex” Series.