Should You Post Dic Pics On The Apps?

 

It all comes down to what you want. If you’re looking for a hot & sweaty hook-up, then by all means, present your prick. But if you’re looking for something more, you may want to hit the pause button before you upload your goods.  

Overall, I think it’s a really bad idea to post your package.  Unless you want to attract nothing but dick pigs, it’s going to work against you.  I don’t care how big and beautiful it is, posting a picture of your penis makes you look like a tramp whose cousin sells hot dogs to the waiting johns outside your bedroom door.

 Being online isn’t that different from being in a bar.  What would you think about a guy who walked around with his dick out of his pants?  Class with a capital K.  

I like what Comedian Margaret Cho says about the issue:  

“Don’t show your cock. Seriously, it’s just not right. It never photographs the way you want it to, it either looks weird and small or weird and big. If he likes you, he will like all of you! He doesn’t need to see it first. If you see someone’s junk on their profile, it just makes you not want to contact them.

And please don’t show your hole! Again, it will look weirdly small or weirdly big, no matter how nice it actually is. I don’t care if you have a red eye flash on your camera. Its not gonna look good!” 

Bottom line: 

If all you want is a hookup with somebody who wants a dick and doesn’t care who it’s attached to, knock yourself out.   For the majority of guys—even the ones who want no strings sex– dick picks are beyond the pale.

Be very, very careful about the pictures you post.  They are your ticket to hotter guys.  Here are just some of the interpretations guys will make if you take the wrong approach:

 

Your Pictures	What He’s Thinking
You only have a few pictures	You’re hiding something
You don’t have any shirtless pics	You’re fat.
You don’t have face pics	You’re uglier than the inside of a hot dog
You only have headshots	You’re as big as a house.
You don’t have pics that connect your face to your body.	You’re handsome but fat so you borrowed somebody else’s body pics.   Or you’ve got a great body but no face so you borrowed pictures of somebody’s face.
You don’t have enough pictures.	You look like the pictures you didn’t post.
Fuzzy pictures	You could scare the moss off a rock
Pictures taken from far away	You’re older than dirt.
You’re not smiling	Moody bitch.

 

 

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Yes, You Should You Photoshop Your App Pics

No, I’m not recommending that you use photo editing equipment to LIE, but I do think you can use it to tell the truth better.   Here are examples of acceptable photo editing:

Removing Red Eye

Let’s say you have a great pic but the red eye makes you look like the Creature That Time Forgot.  There’s nothing wrong with taking it out.  But keep it honest—don’t replace it with a color your eyes have never been.

Increase the contrast to make your skin seem clearer.

Just make sure you’re not giving yourself an alabaster look, Mr. Olive Skin. 

Cropping

If there’s a huge amount of space between your head and the top of the

photo, you will look short (GASP!).  Whether or not you are actually short, make sure you crop the photograph so that there is little to no space between the top of the photograph and your head.  It’ll make for a better pic.

My Recommendations On Photo Editing Applications

You don’t need to spend $800 on Adobe’s Photoshop to do the simple things you need for a dating site.  Here are my recommendations (all free or reasonably priced):

MAC

iPhoto (comes installed free but about $79 if you want to upgrade).  http://www.apple.com/ilife/

GraphicConverter ($39.95).  http://www.lemkesoft.com/content/188/graphicconverter.html

Pixelmator  ($59)  http://www.pixelmator.com/

PC

Corel PaintShop Photo Pro X3         http://store1.corel.com/

Photo Explosion   http://www.avanquest.com/USA/software/

 

MAC & PC

GIMP.  Without a doubt the most advanced FREE photo imaging application out there.  The only rap on it is that the learning curve is a bit steep.  Download at:  http://www.gimp.org/downloads/

And now for the one of the most controversial questions on hookup sites:

SUMMARY (from the series so far)

• Take more than 50 digital photos.  You’ll need lots to choose from, plus you should rotate pictures to keep them fresh.

 

• Avoid self-portraits.  They’re mediocre at best; creepy-looking at worst.  If you can’t find a friend to take them for you, at least use the automatic snap function on a real camera.

 

• Use my Rule Of Nines to eliminate all doubt about what you look like.  For hookup sites:   three body shots, three face shots and three shots with face connected to body.  For dating sites:  Three body shots (don’t edit out face), three face shots, three action shots (doing something you love).

 

• Photo Guidelines:  SMILE, pretend you’re looking at somebody you find attractive, look directly at the camera, ditch the sunglasses and baseball caps, use natural lighting, don’t just use eye-level shots–mix up different angles.

 

• Do not post pictures of your penis or that other orifice you sit on.  

 

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How To Meet Guys On Facebook

 

You’re reading this, our new series on dating, because you’re either not meeting guys on Facebook or the ones you are meeting make you doubt that God exists.  Yet you maybe feel a little funny about using Facebook to make the first move on a guy you don’t know, but as you’re about to find out, you can do it in such a subtle way that guys will think they’re chasing you. That’s why our series motto is “chase him until he catches you.”

Before we get into the series, a few words.  Facebook is an awesome way of meeting single dateable guys.  But you can’t use the same techniques you’d use on dating or hookup apps like GrindR.

For one, few people go on Facebook to hook up or date.  Yes, guys are always up for that.  If we could turn Facebook into Faceporn, we’d have done it already.  But the truth is, most people don’t join the site to find the love of their life.  And even those who do find it hard to navigate it as a dating app.

Here’s why:  Imagine putting the kind of dating profile on Facebook that you’d put on Match.com (“Looking for a soul mate who likes long walks on the beach”).  

Where your friends, family, office workers, exes, college and high school friends could see it.  

Oh. My.  God.

You Can’t Turn Facebook Into GrindR.

Clearly you can’t do that.  Facebook is designed to plug you in, not hook you up.  The expectation is completely different. People are on it mainly to keep up with friends, find out what’s happening and make new social connections.

HOWEVER.

That doesn’t mean guys aren’t open (actually, HOPING) to meet a guy (YOU)  who’s going to make their socks fly off their feet.   In fact, most single gay men want to meet others like them on Facebook. 

But you have to be inordinately indirect on the site and let’s face it, men are about as subtle as a brick through a windshield.  They instinctively know that they can’t just hit on you, but on the other hand they don’t really know how to go about it. 

So they try Big Footing it, get pushed back and give up.  Or, they simply use Facebook as a way of connecting AFTER they meet a guy they’re interested in.

Either way, it’s time for you to take control of your love life.  Well, maybe not control.  How about a nudge?  Because that’s all it’s going to take.  This series isn’t about how to set a trap for a man.  It’s about starting a conversation with handsome, generous, funny men who may not know that you live right up the cyber road from them.

It’s about inviting them, and in a very real way, giving them permission, to start a dialogue with another beautiful guy–you!

The best thing about Facebook is that you can take control in a way that you can’t on dating sites.  For one, almost everyone gay is on Facebook, and that’s not even close to being true about gay dating apps.

Second, if you contact any guy for any reason on a dating app, boom!  You’re hitting on him.  You’re clearly showing romantic interest.  Not true on Facebook.  At least, not with the methods you’re about to read.  

Using Facebook’s Strengths

So, if you have any reservations about being the initiator, throw them out the window because Facebook helps you save face.  Whoever speaks first on a dating app demonstrates interest but it’s not true on Facebook.

Whoever speaks first on Facebook is just being friendly.

Meeting cute guys on Facebook requires subtle weapons of mass seduction.  It requires shrewdness and the patience of a tree.

We’re going to get some sap in this series. We’ll be covering the following:

• I’m Ready For My Close-Up, Mr. DeMille:  Posting Great Photos
• How to build a Profile That Attracts The Kind of Guys You Like
• How to Find Your Type Of Guy on Facebook
• How To Read Between The Lines of His Profile
• Facebook Flirting Strategies
• Cool Facebook Shortcuts That Will Make Your Flirting Life Easier

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Texting Resources:

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Our Series On Meeting Hotter Guys On The Apps

 

Gay online dating is a lot trickier than it seems.  At first, you’re filled with the hope of a newborn fly in an all-you-can-eat restaurant—rubbing your pincers together at the looming buffet.

But after a while you realize that a lot of that delicious fruit you see on the table is actually made of wax.  And those succulent cuts of meat are often a mirage.  But you spin your web anyway and hope for the best.  And then it seems the only thing that you attract are freaks, flakes and flamers.

Wasn’t online supposed to be your sexual savior?  You’re dating salvation?  What the hell happened?  

Look at your profile.  Most of the answer’s in there.  

As a former advice columnist and a consultant for gay dating apps, I’ve seen thousands of people hook up, date or marry over the years.  But I’ve also seen thousands fail and give up.  

What separates the winners from the losers? 

At first, I figured it could only be one thing:  Their beauty.  To prove it I looked at “exit interviews” (people telling us why they’ve left the site). I looked at the profiles of the guys who wrote, “I left because I met somebody on the site” and the profiles of guys who wrote, “I left because I got so few responses.”

Boy, was I wrong.  There were just as many good-looking guys in the failure pool as there were average-looking guys in the successful pool.  

After looking at thousands of profiles I can tell you the real reason why some guys succeed and some don’t.  It isn’t their beauty; it’s the way they present themselves. 

I’ve put everything I’ve learned as an advisor to gay dating sites into this ebook.  I guarantee that if you follow my advice you’re going to improve the quality and quantity of hits you get.   The secret to getting laid (with hotter guys–anybody can get laid if they lower their standards enough), getting a date or finding a husband online is to master three keys:  

ATTRACTION  

How to get high-quality guys to look at and respond to your profile.

RESPONSE 

How to get the guys you hit on to respond to you.

MEET

How to ask for, set up and get a face-to-face (or face-to-something) meeting.

These are the three keys.  Not by chance is this series of posts set up in exactly those areas:  Attract, Response, Meet.  Almost every post is set up in two sections:  What to do if you’re on a hookup site vs a dating site.  While there is a lot of overlap, the two often require different strategies.

Which brings me to a most salient point.  Whether you’re online to get laid or get a date, this series assumes that YOU WANT TO DO IT WITH HOTTER GUYS.   Everything in this ebook is geared to attracting a higher quality type of guy.  If you just want to date or hookup with anybody that’s breathing you don’t need this series. 

I say this because you’re going to read some eyebrow-raising stuff–things you don’t need to do if you just want to meet average or below average guys.  But if you want to up the heat factor then follow my advice–it’s backed by a lot of research and observation.  

Next week:  The Secret to Posting Great Photos

 

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