The #1 Thing You Can Do To Attract Guys To Your Facebook Profile

 

Now that you know all the elements to building a flirt-friendly profile on Facebook, you’ve got one thing left to do:  Social proofing it.

Itʼs a bad idea to contact guys on Facebook if you don’t have at least 50-100 friends.  Friends will help you meet attractive guys in ways that may surprise you. Itʼs not about using your friends as wingmen (though it helps), or being introduced to their friends (although that helps, too). Itʼs about a powerful psychological phenomenon called “Social Proof.”

I give you two scenarios:

SCENARIO #1

You’re on Facebook and you have very few friends.  You have a few decent pictures of yourself in the photo section.  You see a cute guy online and you send him a flirty message.  You get shot down.

SCENARIO #2

You’re on Facebook with the exact same profile as scenario #1, only you have at least 100 friends and lots of great pictures, many with great friends having a fun time.  Especially with lots of guy friends.  You send the same cute guy online the same flirty message as scenario #1 and he responds positively.  

Whatʼs up with that?

The difference is a concept called Social Proof. In the first scenario you didnʼt have any perceived social value. In the second, you did. You subconsciously ʻprovedʼ to other guys that youʼre warm, interesting and fun–somebody worth knowing. How do they know this? Your friends. Theyʼre evidence of value. The more friends you have, the more perceived value you have.

Social proof is a well-studied psychological phenomenon. In the absence of reliable information, strangers judge you by whom youʼre with and how they react to you. If youʼre surrounded by good-looking people having a good time, your perceived value goes up. If youʼre alone, circling Facebook like a man-hungry widower, your perceived value goes down.

Social Proof is why you canʼt stand going out to dinner by yourself.  Subconsciously, you know youʼre being judged as a boring, no-fun loser and my God, who wants to date THAT?

The movie Legally Blonde has a classic example of social proof. Reese Witherspoon pretends sheʼs heartbroken that an ugly guy broke up with her, causing the women around her to instantly want to know the guy– somebody they were previously ignoring.

Bars “social proof” by artificially creating lines outside the door even though theyʼre half empty inside. People think, “Gee, the bar must be worth going into because there are so many people waiting to get in.”

There is a fundamental attribution error in social proof (you can be an ass and still be surrounded by fun people; Wheaties will not make you athletic, even if the latest Olympic hero tells you so), but it exists and youʼre a fool to ignore its power.

Bottom line:  Don’t contact cute guys until you’ve done two things:  Built up the number of friends and uploaded a LOT of pictures, including many with friends having a great time.  Especially cute friends.  

Other Reasons Why Loads Of Friends Matter

Fifty to a hundred friends are your starting point.  You need a lot more.  When you meet someone new offline that you like, find them on Facebook that same night and send a friend request. This is how you build a big network in just a few weeks. 

Apart from social proof, you need lots of friends on Facebook because:

 The more friends that post to your wall, the more “in-demand” and fun you appear to be.  And P.S. It really is fun to have lots of people you care about posting to your wall.

The more friends you have, the more friends you’ll get.  Facebook was built on that premise.  And the more friends you have, the more searching possibilities you’ll have.

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

Texting Resources:

The Guide To Gay Texting

From Text To Sex

How To Talk Dirty In Bed

 

Sex Resources

How To Bottom

How To Top

How To Give Head

How To Cum More

Gay sex books

Gay Sex Advice

Erotic Temperature Quiz

 

Attracting Guys: What NOT To Include In Your Facebook Profile 

 

If you want to turn off a guy in three seconds flat, just try the following:

Sexual innuendo.

Wait!  What!?  Since when are guys turned off by sexual innuendo?  Since never, but not on Facebook.  Certainly not on a profile.  It looks like you don’t know where you are (“This guy thinks he’s on GrindR!”).  

Guys will see you as “Blow Job Bob” and nothing more.  (By the way, a friend of mine once told me, “If Blow Job Bob drunk dials you, YOU ANSWER!).  Don’t be Bob.  At least not on Facebook.

Misspellings. 

Guys will immediately peg you as either lazy or stupid.  Even if the misspelling is obvious and meant to be ironic or show your pop-culture props, don’t do it. Typing, “stooopid” just makes you sound that way.

Swear Words. 

Never underestimate the depth of bad vibe that cursing in print can leave.  It’s just safer to avoid it.  If you have a breath-taking gift for stringing one bad word after the other, then you may want to mention it, but save the examples for future conversations.

Negative comments about past relationships. 

Bitter, party of one?  There’s no way around not sounding ridiculously bitter and possibly unhinged when you talk about your ex online. You may think, well, it’s better to state the facts and get them out of the way, right? Wrong. Don’t do it.  It kills the mood.

Negativity in general.

So you’re sick of being single, hate your ex, or can’t stand Justin Bieber.  Keep your snarky comments to yourself for now or risk getting pegged a total downer by anyone who reads your profile. 

Even if snark is your specialty, you want to only hint at your extraordinary talent, and save demonstrations for later conversations. Always read your profile for negativity and flip all your complaints into desires.

Example: Instead of saying, “I hate it when people push their religious views on me,” write, “Religion is a deeply personal issue–I admire people who treat it with the respect it deserves.”

Exhaustive Lists…Of Anything. 

Listing every hobby you have, job you’ve held, or country you’ve ever traveled to might seem like a great way to give people a sense of who you are. But lists have a way of making people’s eyes glaze over, and ultimately paint you as a bit of a self-centered bore. 

This is going to sound counter-intuitive, but online research from Harvard, Boston University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology shows it’s better to be vague in your profile.  That when it comes to information — the more details you provide, the worse you look. “People mistake vagueness for attractiveness, filling in the missing details in ways that suit their own desires,” explains a researcher in an article for Scientific American. 

Instead of list-making, try focusing on two or three favorites that give a sense of your personality. For example, instead of listing every episode of INSERT TV SERIES HERE cross-referenced against the number of bikini shots, just tell us which two or three are your favorites.

No Emoticons And Abbreviations. 

It’s easy to pin a smiley face or the odd LOL onto a profile.  While a lot of younger guys won’t mind, there’s still a large percentage of guys who’ll roll their eyes.  Instead of using them, ask yourself, “What am I trying to express?”  Then express it in words.

Example:  “I just launched my own business out of my house.  ;>)  

Better:   “I just launched my own business out of my house.  I get to call the shots now—in my pajamas, no less!” 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

Texting Resources:

The Guide To Gay Texting

From Text To Sex

How To Talk Dirty In Bed

 

Sex Resources

How To Bottom

How To Top

How To Give Head

How To Cum More

Gay sex books

Gay Sex Advice

Erotic Temperature Quiz

 

The Formula For Attracting Guys To Your Facebook Profile

 

A lot of Facebook fields don’t allow for much writing.  Sections like Basic Information (most of it), Education & Work, Arts & Entertainment and Sports hardly give you any room at all.  But the ones that do–like Philosophy, Activities  & Interests, and About Me (under Basic Information) are prime real estate to let guys know what you’re about.

 I have a 3-step formula guaranteed to elicit a response from the guys you initiate contact with.  It’s simple.  In each of the fields where you can be a little more expansive (About Me, Activities & Interests) you need to follow these three steps: 

1)  Use an opening humorous line that portrays confidence.   

Examples:  

 I solemnly swear I’m up to no good.

 I invented the first cheese-less grilled cheese.  You may know it as “Toast.”

 I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

You can see lots of examples in our flirty message collection.  Now, the point isn’t that you should use those particular lines.  It’s to use a humorous line that reflects who you are.

2)   A short personal revelation

You want people to get a sense of who you are.  You don’t need large blocks of text to do it.  You just need a creative way to express some aspect of your life.

Example:  I walked into the Fontainebleau hotel in Miami Beach ten years ago and I’ve been trying to wear the lobby ever since.

3) A question/call to action

Example:  Why do people like the Kardashians?

If you look at any interesting Facebook profile they inevitably have some version of these three steps.  Many people have asked me about #3, the call to action.  Why is that important?  Because it’s an invitation to respond.  It’s a device to prompt engagement.  And it also serves as an easy way to start a conversation for the shy who may not know where to start.

The Two Biggest Profile Must Nots

 Writing A Profile That Belongs On A Dating Site

Never EVER write anything that remotely looks like the sentences below:  

I am a fun person who loves movies and music. 

I like walks on the beach, good conversation, and dining out. 

I’m looking for someone who is fun and can make me laugh.”

I like walking on the beach and watching the sunrise. 

I love dinner and a movie.

I’m looking for a soul mate.  

Never write a sentence on your Facebook profile that belongs on a dating site.  You will do yourself serious injury.  You will look lame, pitiful and desperate. You will look like Kool-Aid to the guys looking for a full-bodied Bordeaux.

 Using Cliches 

It goes without saying that you should avoid clichés like the plague.  And yes, I realize I just used a cliche to warn you off cliches.  Seriously, clichés are instant turn-offs.  They signal that you’ve got the creativity of a walnut. 

The cure for cliché is details.  Replace clichéd words or phrases with details about yourself and it will make anybody reading it say, “Tonight just got more interesting.” 

So, for example, instead of “I like movies,” write “my favorite movie is ____ because _______.”  Or, use a movie character to describe you. “I’m a lot like _____ in ______ because _______.”

Profile Musts

Now that you’ve deleted the crappy stuff, let’s look at the ways that you can stand out:  

Include pop-culture references. Your profile should give potential Mr. Rights something to ask you about, whether it’s music, sports, movies, theater or art.  So mention that you can’t wait to read David Sedaris’ latest, for example, or that you’re addicted to INSERT TV SHOW HERE, or that you have season tickets to the opera. By mentioning your cultural reference points, you’ll make it easy for someone to interact with you.  

Also, try comparing yourself to a pop-culture figure.  Saying, “I’m not as brash as INSERT CELEBRITY HERE but I’m close” is funny and it’ll get you honesty points.  Or something like, “I dance better than Napoleon Dynamite—but not by much.”  If they’re actually a fan of the show or movie you mention, there’s no way they can pass you by without at least saying hello.

Tell us what’s wrong with you.  

Divulging a flaw is one of the easiest ways to win “awww” points.  Just make sure to be charming about it.   Nobody wants to know that you only shower on Thursdays, but if you tell us you’re a genius in nanotechnology but can’t figure out how to operate the remote, we’re going to really like you.

Career Confessions.  

If your career is important to you and you want to mention it, fine, just don’t wave your resume at us.  You’re not applying for a job, you’re looking to make a connection.  Don’t trace your career back to your college minor, list every job you’ve had since high school, or detail every accomplishment in your brilliant career. You’ll come across pompous and egotistical. 

Show, don’t tell.

Jane Austen never wrote, “Elizabeth Bennet was clever.” Stephen King never wrote, “The old house was scary.”  Stephanie Meyer never wrote, “Edward was gorgeous.” (Oh wait. She did. Endless times. Never mind.)  Please, don’t tell us that you’re funny and smart. Show us, through stories, anecdotes and observations. 

Get really specific.

Specific details give the other person a conversational starting place. Include all your interests and remember that these pieces of information allow your Mr. Right to piece together your personality.

One warning, though: being specific doesn’t give you license to use clichés (I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.  AAARGH!)—even if you mean them in an ironic way. The problem is that irony and sarcasm don’t translate well online. They have the potential to backfire. 

Be Kind.  Don’t tell us what you hate; tell us what you love.  

Next week in our Facebook series: What NOT To Include In Your Profile.

 

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

Texting Resources:

The Guide To Gay Texting

From Text To Sex

How To Talk Dirty In Bed

 

Sex Resources

How To Bottom

How To Top

How To Give Head

How To Cum More

Gay sex books

Gay Sex Advice

Erotic Temperature Quiz

 

 

Is It Safer To Meet A Stranger At Your Place Or His?

 

You’ve beguiled him with your texts and charmed him on the phone or video chat.  Now for the moment of truth.  Does he look like his pictures?  Will there be chemistry?  Will there be two pair of underwear on the floor the next morning?  Stay tuned.

The next issue that comes up is where to meet:  Should it be somewhere neutral like a coffee house or somewhere more personal like your place or his?  It depends on what you want and your tolerance for potentially awkward situations. 

FOR HOOK UP SITES

If you’re totally into adventure and you don’t mind putting yourself in high-potential awkward situations, go for it and meet at your place or his.  But if you’ve done that a few times you’ll understand why I’m a big believer in NOT just showing up at somebody’s door (or vice versa), even if all you’re looking for is sex.

The potential for a truly awkward or negative situation is just too high.  If you’re not into him, how do you get out of it without being rude?  What if he likes you and tries to get you to stay even though you want to bolt right away?  If he comes to your place you essentially have to throw out an unwanted guest.  

And worse, what if you like him and he doesn’t?  Getting the old “Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?” bum rush out the door by somebody who doesn’t want you there is NOT a good feeling.  It will probably take you longer to recover from that than the STD he’ll probably give you (!!!).

And then of course there’s the high potential for the “I’m Going To Regret This” convenience fuck.  It starts with a thought:  “Hell, I’m here.  And he’s not that bad.”  And it almost always ends with another thought:  “Dear God, what have I done?!”

I don’t really have a dog in this fight—if it doesn’t bother you to show up at a stranger’s door, go for it.  Especially if he obeyed my Rule of Nines photo portfolio, removing all doubt about what he looks like.  Now the question is…

Is It Safer At Your Place Or His?

“Safe sex” takes on a whole different meaning when you’re about to hook up with a stranger, especially if you’re on vacation.  HIV infections seem almost quaint compared to getting stabbed and left for dead in a pool of your own blood.

In the debate over love’s famous question (“You’re Place or Mine?”), there is overwhelming statistical evidence that one of those places is more dangerous. 

And it’s your place not his.   

According to Dallas Drake, Homicide Researcher for the Minnesota Gay Homicide Study, statistics show that most homosexual murders take place in the victim’s home.  

Why?   Here’s what Drake said: 

“If he comes to your place he can kill you and just leave, while at his place he is in the troublesome predicament of having to dispose of a body.  A killing in his own residence would also have the negative impact of creating a permanent link with his identity due to inerasable evidence on his own property.  Blood trace evidence can be detected for at least 20 years afterward, even when not visible to the naked eye.”

This is not just a theory.  Empirical evidence, statistics from several sources, including the FBI, show that most male homosexual victims are murdered in their own homes.  Only serial offenders such as Jeffrey Dahmer or John Wayne Gacy kill in their own space, and there are very few such people.

So there you have it.  Your place or his?  His.  

FOR DATING SITES

It goes without saying that you shouldn’t show up at somebody’s door (or vice versa) if you want to date.  It sends an inaccurate message (I’d say “wrong” message, but there’s nothing morally wrong with showing up at his door if you want some nookie.  It’s just that if you want more, try for less).

Before you go for the face to face here are a few important tips:

Work up to it slowly.   

Never set up a “date” without first talking on the phone (or video), preferably a couple of times.  Granted, some people don’t give good phone, but still. It’s an opportunity to see if the connection you’ve made via email/phone/video continues in your personal conversations.  

Even if the conversations are occasionally awkward (and they probably will be—not everyone has dazzling phone skills), set up a face-to-face meeting if you have even the smallest spark of connection.  Here are a few guidelines:

Be safe. 

Trust your gut.  If you get a weird vibe during a call don’t ignore it.  Don’t meet him.  As Oprah likes to say, “When people first show you their true selves, believe them.”

Know Where You Want To Meet Before You Talk.   

A good conversation should result in a meeting.  Have your first and second choice at the ready.  You’ll come across as sure of yourself and reduce any awkward stammering.

Keep it casual.  

No dinner unless you’re absolutely sure of him.  There’s nothing worse than getting stuck with a bore for two hours at dinner.  Well, actually there is.  Paying for the dinner because the bore didn’t bring his wallet!

Keep it light. 

Meet in a coffee house you don’t ordinarily go to.  You don’t want to be running into all your friends on what is essentially a blind date.   Also, try going for a walk.  It’s an incredible icebreaker because you’re not stuck staring at each other in an interview situation.  

Keep the conversation exciting. 

The trick to preventing conversational dead-ends is to jump from one subject to the other BEFORE any one subject dries up.  You do this all the time with good friends–you just don’t realize it.  Here, look at the difference in conversational styles between:  

You and a Stranger…

You:  Have you been to that new boutique hotel downtown?

Stranger:  No, I haven’t.  Have you?  (continues thread)

You:  Yeah, it’s pretty rad (continue thread)

Stranger:  What makes it so different?  (continues thread)

You:  It’s got a pool in the middle of the lobby.  (continue thread)

And you and a good friend…

You:  Have you been to that new boutique hotel downtown?

Friend:  Oh yeah, I tricked with a guy in the condo next door!  (opens a new thread)  Is it worth going to?  (jumps back to first thread)

You:  Is there any building in this town you haven’t tricked in?    You’re like a walking petri dish.  (open new thread).  Anyway, the hotel’s pretty rad, actually.  (return to original thread).  

Strangers talk in a single thread; friends talk in multiple threads.  The trick to turning a stranger into a friend is to have a multiple-thread conversation.  

Think of a subject you bring up as a “thread” in the mosaic of a conversation.  You’d have a pretty boring piece of fabric if you made the whole thing out of one single string.  So create multiple ones.  Multiple threads create energy, rapport and the feeling that you have a lot to talk about.   

Multiple threads also create a mild form of suspense in the way the best TV shows do.  Before they go to commercial break TV shows end with a mini-cliffhanger so you’ll be sure to stay tuned.  You can do the same thing in a conversation through multiple threads.  

Example:  

“Which singer would you want to be in the Village People?  Wait!  Before you answer, did I tell you what happened to me today?  (tell your quick story, then…) Oh my bad, so which singer would you want to be?”

Multiple threads create open loops to give you the opportunity to come back and close them.  They add suspense.  Any time you introduce an unresolved question, an unfinished sentence, or cut a story off you add a little intrigue.  Another example:  A little known secret to making a perfect cup of coffee is to, wait, did you just see that dog hanging out of the car window?!  

You can easily add multiple threads by noticing something new and getting more excited about it than what you were talking about.  Then return to the original thread.

Extra tips for keeping the conversation energetic and fun:

Rephrase questions as interesting comments.

By rephrasing standard questions you open up whole new avenues of conversation.

Standard:  How many brothers and sisters do you have?

Rephrase:   I bet you’re the youngest in your family.

Use time constraints.   

Example:  “You know what?  If I didn’t have to go right now–which I do–I’d tell you the third step of brewing the perfect cup of coffee.”

Time constraints are like a break for commercials.  You’ll be back to tell him the end of the story.  And when you do, he’ll be a lot happier to see you than when you first approached him. 

Assert Your Frame. 

That’s a fancy way of saying you should change the subject when the conversation goes in an unhelpful direction.  By pulling him into your frame of reference–your reality–you can guide the conversation.  Example:

Him:  ….So every time I hear that song, I think of my ex-boyfriend.

You:   Let me see your hands…I want to show you a neat trick.

Answer “What do you do” in an inventive way.

“What do you do for a living?” is an inevitable question.  You can answer in a way that’ll make him like you and guide the conversation into shared experiences.  

Don’t ever answer with something like, “Systems Administrator.”  Christ, I’m bored just typing it out.  Worse, he probably won’t relate so he’ll resort to stereotyping (you’re boring, tedious, unimaginative, or whatever the stereotype is for your profession).  Your answer needs to be relatable.  Here’s a really neat way of doing it:

When I was little I wanted to be ______.    When I was a teenager I wanted to be _______.  And now, I’m a _____.  Can you believe it?  So my latest project is ______.  

If you take him on a small, revealing journey he’s going to feel closer to you.  And it sets you up to reciprocate in an interesting way:  “What were you like when you were a teenager?”  

And if all that seems too much work, try this:  “I’m a stunt ass.”  

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

Gay Dating Tips

 

How to Build a Facebook Profile That Attracts Date-Worthy Guys

 

Your Facebook profile needs to do triple-duty:  It has to appeal to you, your friends and to guys you’re interested in.  And it has to do it in a way that nobody gets shortchanged.

You don’t want your Facebook profile reading like it’s copy/pasted from your online dating profile, but at the same time, it needs a little guy-bait.

Hence, everything you’re about to read is designed to give your profile just that—breadcrumbs for handsome guys.  Let’s get started.

 Setting Up Facebook For A Flirt-Friendly Profile

Facebook has more privacy filters than other social networks.  Some people actually block their profile so that you cannot see it unless you’re a friend.  This is not a good idea if you’re trying to find eligible men.  

There are lots of good reasons to set your security settings as high as possible.  But the higher you go, the lower your chances of getting a message from a desirable guy.  You may ask, “Wait, I thought this book was about initiating contact, not inviting it.” 

It is, but a lot of gay guys don’t know that they may be inadvertently blocking men from contacting them.  And I’d rather go off-topic a bit, if it helps you connect with Mr. Man.

It’s so easy to block creeps from contacting you that my advice is to set your privacy settings to “Everyone” or at the very least, “Friends of Friends.” 

Make sure your settings are set as close to “Everyone” as you feel comfortable.  Next, control how much you want to share. Set them to whatever you feel comfortable with, just know that the more restrictive you make it, the less chances you’ll have of being contacted by that tall, dark stranger.  The one who’s going to sweep, if not vacuum, you off your feet.

By keeping your privacy settings open, you’ll be much more likely to have someone stumble on your profile and write you a note or a witty comment. If only your friends can view your profile, you might lock out a special someone from contacting you.  

Creating A Must-Read Profile on Facebook 

What do you think the first thing guys will do when a guy they don’t know first contacts them?

 Check out your pictures.

  Check out your profile.

IN THAT ORDER.

We’ve talked about pictures in the last chapter; let’s concentrate on your profile.  It’s critical that you provide conversational hooks for the guys you’ll be contacting. 

If you don’t make it easy for them to make a comment about some aspect of your profile, you’re going to lose out big–especially from shier guys who may not know how to keep the conversation going.   

While the message, like or comment you’re going to leave on Mr. Man’s page whispers a sense of who you are, your profile screams it.  And it has an enormous influence on whether guys contact you or not.  

You shouldn’t be writing long fawning essays in your profile.  They should be, like, 300 words at most.  At most.  Remember, your profile isn’t there to qualify somebody for a date or marriage.  Its main function is to GET YOU TO THE NEXT STEP (more online conversation).  And the only thing that gets you to the next step is a profile that answers a guy’s three main concerns:

1)  Are you good looking enough? 

Sorry guys, there’s no point in pretending beauty doesn’t matter.  There’s a reason I titled one of my books, Men Are Pigs But We Love Bacon.  Men are visual creatures–we respond first with the eye, then everything else.  That doesn’t mean you’re out of luck unless you’re a “10.”  It just means you have to pay attention to the quality of your pictures.  The good news is that higher quality guys don’t just respond to good pictures.  They want a good sense of who and what they might be getting into if they respond to you.  Hence, the need for an arresting profile.

 2) Are you interesting enough? 

Would a good-looking stranger want to have a conversation with you without getting yawns the size of a hurricane?

 3) Are you at all compatible?

You can be good-looking and interesting but if you come off like an ass and somebodys’ looking for kindness, gurrrl, you in trouble.

Next week in our Facebook series: The Proven Formula For A Guy-Bait Facebook Profile.

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

Texting Resources:

The Guide To Gay Texting

From Text To Sex

How To Talk Dirty In Bed

 

Sex Resources

How To Bottom

How To Top

How To Give Head

How To Cum More

Gay sex books

Gay Sex Advice

Erotic Temperature Quiz

 

Planning Your First Hangout After Meeting Him On The Apps

 

Always convey that you have a tight schedule.  This does two things for you:  1)  It gives you a “let out” (if the meeting doesn’t go well you have a face-saving way of letting yourself out).  2)  It gives the impression that you’re making time for him, without being arrogant.  

Here are a few examples…

“Hey, I’ll be busy for the next two days. I should be available on Wednesday at 6 PM, though!”  Tell me if this works for you. 

“Things are really hectic for me this week!  But I’ll definitely be available on

Saturday around 4 PM. Let me know.”

Be in charge. 

Don’t ask where you should meet.  Tell him (nicely).  There’s nothing worse than going round and round about where you should meet.  It’s called definitive statement-making.   Look at the difference:

1. “Uhm, Should we meet at the corner Starbucks or the one on 8th Street?”
2. “Let’s meet at the corner Starbucks.  They’ve got better cookies.”

Notice there are no maybes or “uhm’s” in the second sentence.  Learn to put figurative down-strokes on your statements.  You’ll sound more confident, raise your social standing and create more attraction.

The point isn’t to be bossy or controlling, but to move things along.

The First Phone Conversation (if there is one)

Don’t let bad phone mojo ruin a potential date.  The truth is, most of us are nervous when we dial a stranger, let alone a good looking one whose child we want to carry (!)  Here are some tips to get you over the hump.

Prepare, prepare, prepare. 

Review his profile, keep it up on the screen and scan it while you’re dialing. 

Give him your full attention.

Nothing turns a prospect off like getting a call from somebody who’s simultaneously watching TV or doing something distracting.

Ask lots of questions.  

Questions are the breath of life for a conversation.  They minimize awkward silences.  They’re also a great indicator that you’re interested (why would you ask questions if you weren’t?).  

Assume Rapport. 

Pretend you’re calling a good friend.  Talk to him like you’ve known him for years.  Sometimes that means skipping over all the “how are you’s and nice to meet you’s” and launching straight into a conversation. 

Sometimes when I call a good friend I don’t even say hello.  Example:  “OMG, you wouldn’t believe what I just did…”  Try that with Mr. Stranger.  You won’t believe what an icebreaker it is.

Use Open Body Language On The Phone.  

Hello? Can you hear my hands? If you’re nervous about making a phone call to somebody you just met, keep your arms uncrossed, your palms open and smile even though he can’t see you. You’ll come across friendlier and more appealing.

Smile! (Again). 

Seriously, grin it up as you dial. It may feel fake at first but then it will feel natural. A smile on your face translates to warmth in your voice. It makes a difference. Try it.

Be The First To Hang Up.  

Especially if the conversation starts to drift.  It’s better to wrap things up with a perky “Gotta go now! Let’s talk again soon!” than to keep a dying conversation alive by asking him about global warming or the price of soybean futures.  But there’s an even better reason to be the one to hang up:  Control. 

By saying you have to go, you bring in your frame of reference not his.  Namely, that you’re busy—a catch—and that you’re not afraid to end things.  It’ll make him appreciate your next conversation better.

While you’re on the call, beware some potential problems:

Call When You Say You’re Going To Call. 

Sometimes being ambivalent about following up with someone (you kinda/sorta like him but you’re not crazy about him) will lead you to play deliberate phone tag. Maybe you call when you know he’ll be at work.

Or you tell him to call when you know you won’t be available. Eventually, when nothing happens because of all the missed connections, you tell yourself, well, at least I tried. No, you didn’t. Suck it up and call when you’re supposed to. You never know—he might just end up being the love of your life. 

Consider Using Skype or Other Video Chatting Service. 

Let’s get real here.  The thing that’s going to determine a successful hookup or meeting is whether you’re physically attracted to the guy you’re meeting.  Doing a video chat can help you make that determination without the awkwardness of meeting.

Once, I traded pics with a really cute guy.  The problem was, he only had three pics and he lived far away.  Naturally, I was skeptical.  We went on video chat and from the moment the video came on I was hooked.  He was actually better looking than his pictures!

Video chatting is the equivalent of a pre-purchase sample.  It’s like a taste-test before you commit.  I strongly suggest you sign up for a video chatting service.  They’re free! 

Getting from “I like this guy’s profile,” to “We have a date!” doesn’t have to take a long time. There’s no formula, time-wise but exchanging two e-mails, having one or two phone conversations (preferably a video chat), and meeting—all within a few days isn’t unreasonable (for hookup sites it can literally be immediate). 

SUMMARY

• Keep your messages short.  Otherwise it’s too much too soon.  A short paragraph or two is fine.  For hookup sites, a sentence or two.  
• Mention some aspect of his profile.  It sets the tone for common ground and makes him feel you took the time to read it. 
• Ask questions.  They’re more likely to lead to a response.  Plus, it makes it easier to talk about something.
• Stay away from politics, religion or race.  
• Spell Check!  Bad grammar?  Good luck.  Nobody wants an uneducated oaf.
• Upgrade to a phone call quickly.  The longer you stay on email or text the harder it will be to make the transition to a meeting.
• Ask for his number; don’t offer yours.  If he gives it to you it means he’s interested.  If you simply give him yours you have no power over the situation.
• Tell him you have a tight schedule when setting up a meeting.  It makes you seem in demand.
• Don’t ask where you should meet; tell him.  It’ll move things along faster.
• First phone conversation:  Prepare by reviewing his profile, turn off background tv noise or music, and ask a lot of questions.  
• Use open body language on the phone.  Keep palms and arms open and SMILE.  You will over-ride the natural nervousness of talking to a stranger.
• Be the first to hang up.  It gives you more control and leaves the other person hungry for more.
• Call when you say you’re going to call.  Anything less and he has a right to call you a flake.
• Use a video chatting service before you meet.  It’s like a taste test before purchase.  If he’s not all that, you’ll avoid unnecessary meetings and if he is, you’ll have something to look forward to.  

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

 

Photo Strategies To Attract Guys On Facebook

 

Smile. Seriously, you’re not creating a portfolio for Prada.  Nobody wants to see a bitchy, moody shot.  If you’re not smiling most guys are going to think one of two things:  You’ve got bad teeth or you just got swindled out of your life’s savings.  

Try to look warm, approachable and fun.  Photo studies show that when single people look at other single people who are smiling online they secretly hope they’ll make them happy!  

The truth is, people are attracted to people who are happy.  And the biggest indicator of happiness?  The smile.  Real world scenario:  You’re at a bar.  There’s a guy who seems interested but you’re not smiling.  Is that a signal for him to come over or go away?   

‘nuff said.

One last thing:  Postpone the picture taking if you partied too much the night before. You want to look relaxed and optimistic, not drunk with no change for the cab.

STELLAR TIP:  When you look at the camera, pretend you’re looking at somebody you find attractive. You’ll feel—and look—much more flirtatious in your photo.

Look directly at the camera.  

Forget the artsy photo of you staring off into space –if you don’t look directly at the camera it makes you look like you have problems relating to people.  Either that or your hemorrhoids are driving you nuts.  Remember, the eyes are windows to the soul.  Don’t put curtains over them!

Ditch the sunglasses. 

Sunglasses don’t make you look like a celebrity or an international man of mystery.  They make you look like a pretentious snob who’s putting an intentional barrier between you and everybody you’re trying to attract.  

 At best, people will think you’re trying (and failing) to look cool.  At worse, they’ll think you’re cross-eyed or hiding a lazy eye.  There is no good interpretation for wearing sunglasses.  Remember, this only applies to the profiles section.  Sunglasses are fine in the album section.

Keep it casual.  

For the most part, you should try to look like you’re at Sunday brunch with friends.  You want people to see you as a “real” person who’d be cool to hang out with — and not just a face on a computer screen.

Include action shots. 

Again, the idea is to give your future ex-boyfriend a sense of who you are and what your interests include. So, if you like roller-blading in the park, then show yourself grinnin’ while rolllin’.

If you’re a reader, surround yourself with your favorite books or take a picture in a bookstore. If you love antiquing (really?) then show that.  Pictures that show what you love make you more lovable.

Don’t crop people out of your shots. 

It’s tacky and it takes the attention away from you and onto the people you edited out (“Hmm, I wonder where he is…and is that a guy or a girl he edited out?”).  

Next post in our series:  The finer points of taking a good picture.

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

Texting Resources:

The Guide To Gay Texting

From Text To Sex

How To Talk Dirty In Bed

 

Sex Resources

How To Bottom

How To Top

How To Give Head

How To Cum More

Gay sex books

Gay Sex Advice

Erotic Temperature Quiz

 

How Your Photographs Can Attract Guys On Facebook

 

Use my Rule Of Threes. One-third of your profile pictures (not your albums) should be portrait shots (your face), one-third swimsuit (or form-fitting clothes that show off your body), and one-third action shots (of you doing something you like).

Let’s say you want to put nine pictures up on your profile. Using the Rule Of Threes you’d put:

Three portrait shots

Three pictures of you in a swimsuit or form-fitting outfits that show off your body

Three action shots of you doing something you like (other than having sex!)

The point of #3 is that you want guys to know what you’re interested in—travel, sports, Sudoku, whatever. These kinds of pictures put you in the context of doing things you love, which usually results in the pictures sending off good vibes.

Why You Need To Show Off Your Body.

Sex appeal matters. The fastest way to get a “hubba hubba” out of guys is to show them a little skin. Did I mention a little? Because I meant A LITTLE. All you want them to see is the general shape that you’re in.

Let me emphasize the point again. You should not post pictures that belong on GrindR, even if you have the body for it. What you wear and how you wear it should have the same sensibilities as a good pair of shorts– short enough to maintain interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

What if you just can’t, CAN’T bring yourself to post swimsuit pictures? Then don’t. But at least give guys a glimpse of what you’re like from the neck down. Upload pictures of you playing sports, digging in the garden, etc. In fact, those kinds of “natural context” pics are far more powerful than the ones posed in your living room.

If you have a raging case of body shame, then don’t force yourself to do something you’re not comfortable with. My formula is about maximizing your chances. Just because you don’t do one thing I recommend doesn’t mean that your chances of meeting great guys falls apart.

Your Photo Strategy For The Album Section

As I wrote before, you can create unlimited “albums” on Facebook. They’re perfect for uploading pictures of special events or times that are special to you. These albums are for you, your friends and family. They should not be optimized for attracting guys.

With one exception.

You should create an album called “My Favorites Pictures” that is specifically designed for guy-bait. You’ll see the formula in a minute; let’s talk about why this particular album is so important.

Have you ever checked a guy’s profile that had a ton of albums? You don’t know which one to click, right? And inevitably, you click on the one that doesn’t necessarily have pictures of him. Wouldn’t it be great if he had an album that said, My Favorite Pictures? You’d know where to click in an instant.

Having a “My Favorite Pictures” album will guide guys into seeing exactly the kind of pictures you want him to see. Now, here’s the ingenious part: What pictures should you upload? Here’s the formula:

80%: Pictures of you with your friends.

20%: Pictures of you that didn’t make it to the Profiles section.

So let’s talk about the recommended percentages. The 20% factor is self-explanatory–he wants to see more of you. But what about the 80%? Why pictures of you and your friends?

Social Proof Gets The Guy

Because of a concept called Social Proof. I explain it more fully in a later post, but here’s the capsule summary:

In the absence of personal experience, human beings look to third parties for cues as to whether a person, place or thing is valuable. Here’s an example of social proof in your own life:

Scenario 1: You see a guy. He’s alone whenever you see him. He doesn’t seem to have any friends. And he’s never around other men. You rate him a “5” out of 10 in the attraction meter.

Scenario 2: You see the same guy. But he’s always with a ton of friends. And a lot of good looking guys. You rate him an “8” out of 10 in the attraction meter.

Why would the same guy elicit increased desire in scenario 2? Social proof. You know nothing about this guy, so you automatically look to his surroundings to give you clues. And what do you see?

Lots of friends–and attractive men–who want to be around him. Therefore, he must be a guy worth knowing. The subconscious thought is, “Why do so many guys want to be around him? What do they know that I don’t?”

Hence, your Album section strategy is about surrounding yourself with social proof. Make sure that the photos in your “My Favorites Pictures” are a collection of ‘best of’ pics. As you upload to other albums be on the watch for great pictures–then upload those to the Favorites (it’s okay to have the same pictures in different albums).

Next post in our series: Tips on Capturing Your Best Self.

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

Texting Resources:

The Guide To Gay Texting

From Text To Sex

How To Talk Dirty In Bed

 

Sex Resources

How To Bottom

How To Top

How To Give Head

How To Cum More

Gay sex books

Gay Sex Advice

Erotic Temperature Quiz