How To Come Up With Something To Say To That Hot Guy In The Corner

What are you curious about?  What do you want to learn?  Openers can be trivial or substantial.  The only thing they have to be is sincere.  You have to be authentically interested in what you say because a)  Shagability’s bullshit detector operates on high frequency and b) The point is for YOU to be fun and have fun and the only way you can do that is to talk about things that interest YOU.

Basically, you’re taking your interest in travel, health, history, business, pop culture or anything that’s happening in your life and using it as an excuse to talk to other people. 

Use this “Opener Template” worksheet to help you develop your own icebreakers:

Suppose you want to build a bunch of geography openers.  Google “Geography Quiz” or “Common questions about geography” and you’ll come up with fascinating questions like:

• Why is it dark in Antarctica all day in WINTER but light all day and night in SUMMER?
• What country does Latitude 0 intersect with Longitude 0?

Ethical Dilemma Opener Template

The best openers are personal stories.  What dilemma have you faced that you could get advice on?  Here’s the worksheet:

The ethical dilemma opener works conversational magic.  If you can’t think of any personal dilemmas, then simply Google “Common ethical dilemmas,” where you’ll find gems like:

• Should you tell a friend that his boyfriend is cheating on him?
• What’s the difference between cheating on a math test and lying about your age?

If Shagability is with friends make sure to ask everyone their opinion.  Always refer to a friend when you open–it gives you a basis for why you’ve started a conversation.  If you’re not there with a friend, say you just got off the phone with him.

The more detailed the opener, the more interesting it’ll be.  If you can put age, profession, country, background and other details, the more curious people will be.  

An ethical dilemma almost always ensures a give and take conversation.  Eventually you’re going to be asked your take on the matter.  And then you’ve got yourself a chat that’s going somewhere. 

If you’re still stuck here are two canned openers you can use:

The Gay Finger

Generally, males have a ring finger that is longer than their index finger.  That is generally NOT the case with gay men.  Our ring fingers are about the same size as our index fingers.  Which is the case for most women.  Interestingly, lesbian finger length generally follows straight males–the ring finger is longer than the index finger.

These observations have been proved again and again in studies by evolutionary biologists.  Why the pronounced difference?  The effects of sex hormones during early fetal development.  Higher levels of testosterone during the first trimester facilitates the growth of the ring finger, while higher levels of estrogen facilitates the growth of the index finger. 

What purpose does a bigger ring finger serve?  Scientists believe it was functional:   A longer ring finger probably stabilized the middle finger and therefore helped men throw better, an important skill for hunting and waging war.  

As gatherers, ancestral women probably didn’t need extra stability in the middle finger.  Today, we can see the sex differences in a mind-blowing way:  Men are much better at throwing darts than women.  Even when they’ve never thrown them before. 

Palm Reading Basics

Here the four major lines and a capsule summary of what to look for:

 Life Line

About:  Physical health, general well being, and major life changes (death, injury, promotions, relocations).  Contrary to popular opinion, it’s not associated with length of life.

Interpretations:

• Runs close to thumb:  Low energy
• Curvy:  High energy
• Long, deep lines:  Full of vitality
• Short and shallow lines:  Easily manipulated by others 
• Swoops around in a semicircle:  Strength and enthusiasm.
• Straight and close to the edge of the palm:  Cautious in relationships
• Multiple life lines:  Extra vitality
• Break:  Sudden change in life

Head Line

About:  How you learn and communicate.  The curvier the line the more creativity and spontaneity, while the straighter the line, the more practical and structured. 

Interpretations:

• Short line:   Likes physical rather mental achievements
• Curved, sloping line:  Very creative
• Separated from life line:  Adventurous, enthusiastic about life
• Wavy line:  Short attention span
• Deep, long line:  Clear, focused thinking
• Straight line:  Realistic thinking
• Broken line:  Inconsistent thinking
• Multiple crosses through head line:  Big decisions

Heart Line

About:  Emotional stability, romantic perspectives, physical condition of heart.

Interpretations:

• Begins below the index finger:  Content with love life
• Begins below the middle finger:  Selfish in relationships
• Begins in the middle finger:  Falls in love easily
• Straight and short:  More practical than romantic
• Touches life line:  Heart breaks easily
• Long and curvy:  Emotionally expressive
• Straight and parallel to the head line:  Emotionally stable
• Wavy:  Lots of relationships, few of them serious
• Circle on the line:  Depressed about love life
• Broken line:  Emotional trauma

Fate Line

About:  Destiny.  Degree to which is life is affected by external factors beyond his control.  

Interpretations:

• Deep line:  Strongly controlled by fate
• Breaks and changes of direction:  Fate exerting changes
• Starts joined to life line:  Wrested much control from fate
• Joins with the life line somewhere in the middle:  Points influenced by other people

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

How To Start A Conversation With A Cute Guy

When you approach somebody you don’t know it’s really important to start the conversation with something engaging. Unfortunately, most of us start a conversation with something boring like, “I am so and so, what’s your name?”

Boring.

The first thing you say to somebody you don’t know is referred to as an “Opener.” As in, a conversational opener.  Here are a few we like.

Conversational Openers

• Hey, quick survey–do you think you can tell if somebody’s gay by the length of their ring finger?  Because scientists think so.  Apparently, if the length of your ring finger is about even with your index finger, YOU’RE GAY.  And if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, YOU’RE STRAIGHT.  Look!  (hold up your hand and show him).

• I’ve gotta come up with three ways to tell if a masculine guy is gay, but get this–it can’t include whether he looks at other guys.  So I’m thinking, #1 How comfortable is he with women?  Cuz gay guys are a lot more comfortable around women than straight guys.  #2  How does he hug other guys?   Straight guys don’t touch belt buckles; gay guys do.  But what’s #3?!!! Tell him that studies have shown a strong correlation between homosexuality and finger length.  In gay men, the ring finger is about as long as the index finger.  In straight men, the ring finger is noticeably longer than the index finger.] Anyway, the guy you’re talking to will most likely raise his hand and look.  This is where you can have some fun.  If his fingers are about even say something like, “Ha!  They’re right!”  If his ring finger is longer (like straight guys) say something like, “Boy, are you in the wrong bar.”

• Which of these is the funniest drag queen name?   Lois Carmen Denominator, Hedda Lettuce or Summer Clearance?

• My friend’s having an affair with a married guy and doesn’t think it’s cheating because the guy’s married to a woman.  Is he right?

• Is it ethical for a straight guy to play gay to get women?  I’ve got a friend who cruises gay bars for women!  Do you think it’s wrong?

While we are on the subject of meeting new strangers, here are a few more tips:

Warm up. 

Approach anxiety will rear its ugly head without a few warm-ups.  Start the night by BEING TALKATIVE.  Befriend the bartender, the waiter, the manager, the drag queens.  Open people you’d like to be friends with.  It takes about three approaches to fully warm up. 

Don’t walk into the bar, see a beautiful guy and think you should be able to walk over and land him in one short conversation. That’s unrealistic.  Be focused on talking to everyone and build momentum.  WARM UP.  You can turn up the heat later.  

The Three Second Rule.  

How can you make sure you approach Shagability before your anxiety exceeds your desire?  By opening him within three seconds of seeing him.  That way there’s no time to be nervous or insecure or to host an internal debate in which you psyche yourself out.  

It’s not a Three Second Suggestion, by the way.  It’s a RULE–with a few exceptions.  Like, don’t open a hottie as he’s depositing a check in the ATM!   Waiting longer means you’re working up the courage to say something him.  Remember the last time somebody pulled that on you?  You saw it coming, moved away or prayed for a friend to save you.  Don’t be that guy. 

Bartender, another round of confidence!  

Alcohol is a great thigh-opener but a lousy confidence-builder.  Getting the guy means keeping your wits, something alcohol won’t let you do.  You’ll forget crucial principles or slur your way to rejection.   So, don’t drink or stick to a beer or two.  If you’re going to drink, don’t hold it in front of your chest like a security blanket.  Hold it low to your hip.  

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

How To Get A Stripper’s Phone Number

Never say “yes” when the stripper you’re crushing on asks if you want a dance.  If he gives you one you’re never going to get his number because you’ve just become another john to him.

Instead, say something like, “Maybe later.”   He’s most likely going to interpret that as a timing issue rather than a statement of his attractiveness.  If you just say, “No, thanks,” he’s going to assume he doesn’t turn you on and he’ll never come back.

Of course, he’s going to move away so keep him engaged.  Remember, it’s his job to flirt back.   If he hasn’t already told you, ask for his name and introduce him to your friends.  You’re not there with friends?  Ahem!  If you’re at a strip club alone, you’ve got a bigger problem than I can help with.

Why the introductions?  Because it shows him you’re not the typical jerk out looking at his pecs or his bulge (which of course, you are), and that you’re a cool, laid-back, respectful, fun-loving guy.

Ask him if he goes to school–most strippers have bigger plans than dancing for money.  Keep the small talk going for about five minutes max.  

When the conversation is still on the upswing, say something like, “Oh, wow, I didn’t mean to keep you so long.  I know you’ve got to get back to work.  Swing by later so we can chat a little bit more.”

The fact that you’ve basically turned him down twice will make you really stand out as a genuinely decent guy who’s interested in talking to him and getting to know him. 

You’ve shown that you see him as a hard-working man, not some cheap slut.  If he offers you a dance you’ve failed.  You’ll know you succeeded if he doesn’t offer to get on your lap and instead, agrees to come back.

While he’s gone, act like you always act at a strip club–buy drinks, talk with your buddies, buy dances.  So what do you do when he comes back?  Continue the small talk.  

Great pointer: 

Ask if the name he gave you was real or if it was him stage name.   It’s most likely going to be his stage name, so he’ll probably give you his real name, since you’ve shown so much genuine interest.

He’ll undoubtedly ask if you want a dance and here’s where you deliver the third mild rejection:  “Sorry, my friends and I were just about to head out.  But I’d love to talk to you sometime outside of this club.  Give me your phone number and let’s grab a cup of coffee.”

By emphasizing the fact that you want to see him out of the club you confirm once more that you see him as more than a pair of dancing testicles.

Now, here’s the thing.  he may want to give you his phone number but he’s dealing with a lot of guys who belong in straight jackets.  It isn’t safe to hand out his number to a guy he’s only spent a few minutes talking with.  He may ask for yours instead.  When a “civilian” guy says that in a bar, you can rest assured he’s just trying to throw you off his scent and never call you back.  Not so true with strippers. 

What is true is that he’ll probably leave with 20 numbers that night because most guys will force them on her.  But yours is one of the few that he ASKED for.  Still, this begs a question:  If he pulls out 20 phone numbers when he gets home, how will he know which is yours?

Because you will have referenced something you talked about.  Say you talked about Cobra Kai and how you both hated it.  Then you should write, “Greg, 404-546-9788.  Die, Ralph Machio, Die!”

Congratulations, you’re about to get a call from your fantasy!

Why Going Out Alone Is A Bad Idea If You Want To Meet Hot Men

It’s a bad idea to go out alone.  Not just because it seriously cuts into the fun factor, but because friends help you meet attractive guys in ways that may surprise you.   It’s not about using your friend as a wingman (though it helps), or being introduced to his friends (although that helps, too).  It’s about a powerful psychological phenomenon called “Social Proof.”

We’ll also revisit two important issues:  Setting reasonable goals and getting in the right frame of mind.    

The Importance Of Perceived Value

Making The Psychological Phenomenon Of “Social Proof” Work For You

I give you two scenarios:

SCENARIO #1

You walk into a bar alone, look around, don’t see anybody you know, walk over to the corner of the bar and stand by yourself.  You then approach a good-looking guy with the perfect “opener” but you get shot down.

SCENARIO #2

You walk into a bar laughing with two friends.  You’re greeted by a couple of acquaintances and merge with another small group.  You then approach a good-looking guy with the same “opener” as Scenario #1 and… you leave with his phone number. 

 What’s up with that?

The difference is a concept called Social Proof.  In the first scenario you didn’t have any perceived social value. In the second, you did.  You subconsciously ‘proved’ to other guys that you’re warm, interesting and fun–somebody worth knowing.  How do they know this?  Your friends.  They’re evidence of value.  The more friends you have, the more perceived value you have.  

Social proof is a well-studied psychological phenomenon.  In the absence of reliable information, strangers judge you by whom you’re with and how they react to you.  If you’re surrounded by good-looking people having a good time, your perceived value goes up.  If you’re alone, circling the bar like a predator, your perceived value goes down.

Social Proof is why you can’t stand going out to dinner by yourself.  Subconsciously, you know you’re being judged as a boring, no-fun loser and my God, who wants to date THAT?

The movie Legally Blonde has a classic example of social proof.  Reese Witherspoon pretends she’s heartbroken that an ugly guy broke up with her, causing the women around her to instantly want to know the guy– somebody they were previously ignoring.  

Bars “social proof” by artificially creating lines outside the door even though they’re half empty inside.  People think, “Gee, the bar must be worth going into because there are so many people waiting to get in.”

There is a fundamental attribution error in social proof (you can be an ass and still be surrounded by fun people; Wheaties will not make you athletic, even if Michael Phelps tells you so), but it exists and you’re a fool to ignore its power.  

Bottom line:  Go out with friends.  Social proof is the single best way to ensure that Shagability will respond positively to your opener.    

But wait!  What if you can’t go out with friends?  What if they’re not available?  What if you’re new in town and don’t have many friends?  Or out of town and don’t know anybody?  Or coming back from a straight function and stopping by for a drink?  

Then make friends at the bar–everybody from the bartenders to the drag queens to the people who look interesting to talk to.  You cannot have social proof standing alone.

Getting in the right frame of mind

Now that we’re about to approach the big prize–Shagability–let’s revisit two issues:

Setting a Reasonable Goal. 

Unreasonable ones trigger approach anxiety.  You’re not trying to get this guy’s phone number or that guy’s attention.  You’re not even trying to get laid.  Your goal is to develop a powerful social skill set that you’ll be able to use in the future with greater and greater effectiveness.   In all aspects of your life–not just your love life.  YOUR GOAL IS TO PRACTICE, NOT TO GET A PHONE NUMBER, A TRICK OR A DATE.  

Detaching from the Outcome. 

While you’re rationally working toward your goal you have to emotionally detach yourself from the outcome.  You can’t magnify the meaning of your interactions and focus on one and only one desirable outcome.

 You have to NOT CARE.  

Ironically, the more you detach yourself from the outcome the quicker you’ll be able to realize your long-term goals.  

Commit to the process.  Detach from the outcome. 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

Gay Dating Tips

How To Get A Guy To Give You His Number

Never treat the phone number as the goal, but a natural extension of a worthwhile conversation.  Here are some other rules:

Only Ask If You Have Established a Genuine Connection

Otherwise you’re going to get a fake number or worse, never get your calls returned.  Some of those “seduction experts” may be able to close him in three minutes flat, but that isn’t the reality of the vast majority of guys. 

Most psychologists who study dating behavior agree that a 15-20 minute conversation before asking for the phone number maximizes your chances of getting it.  There are exceptions, of course.  It’s possible to establish a genuine connection in a couple of minutes, and if either one of you have to rush out it’s imperative that you ask quickly (more on that later).

Never Actually Ask For him Phone Number

“Asking” for him number is like asking for permission to call.  That is not Alpha Male behavior.  Here are examples of “permission-asking” behavior:

• May I have your number?
  •  Can I call you some time?
  •  Would you give me your phone number?

So how do you get him to give you his phone number if you’re not supposed to ask?  Keep reading.

Always Tell him What You Plan To Do With him Number

Psychologist Robert Cialdini, in his critically acclaimed book, Influence, discovered a remarkable phenomenon in human behavior:  People are far more likely to comply with a request if you give them a reason for making it–even if the reason is patently obvious.  

So, always frame your request for a number with a reason for having it.  It sounds foolish, doesn’t it?  Like, what else are you going to do with his phone number, right?  You have to spell it out?

Yes, if you want to increase your chances of getting it.  Cialdini discovered that when you give people a reason for your request it triggers a kind of “compliance justification.”  Bottom line: men are going to respond much better if you tell them why you want their number and what you plan to do with it.

Here are some examples of how to phrase it:

“… so that we can continue the conversation later…”

“… so I can tell you when the next gallery opening is scheduled…”

“… because I want to get to know you better.”

“… because you can give me a tour of the city some time since I just moved here.”

Create A Time Constraint

Saying that you have to leave (“I’ve got to run–I’m meeting some friends out and I’m late”) creates both a sense of urgency and scarcity so that when the phone number request comes in, he’s more likely to comply.  

The words “I have to go now” are very powerful (if he’s attracted to you) because of the perceived loss.  It’s natural for him to think, “It’s now or never.  If I don’t give him my phone number now I might not ever see him again.”

Let him Know When You’ll Call

Saying something like, “I’ll call you Saturday afternoon” or “I’ll text you tomorrow” does two things:  It lets him know you’re serious and it builds anticipation.  If you call when you say you will you’ll earn major points.  

Always Carry A Pen

What about smartphones?  They’re terrific.  Unless there’s no reception.  You don’t want to break the mood by going on a scavenger hunt for pen and paper.  Carry something like the chrome Fisher Space Pen.  It’s small, classy and a conversation-starter, as men will notice its beauty.

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

How To Get Better At Meeting Gay Guys

 Not everybody gay is a raging extrovert. What if you’re an introvert who freezes every time he meets or wants to meet the guy he likes? 

 There’s only one way to improve your social skills with guys you’re attracted to–practice the art of starting a conversation. 

First thing you have to do is memorize what are known as “openers.” these are questions or statements that intrigue the listener enough to engage you in a conversation. 

I say memorize because it’s almost impossible to wing it and the first 30 seconds of meeting somebody are the most awkward so you’re liable to stutter, get it wrong or generally screw up.

Let’s take a close look at the difference between a good opener and a bad one.  Which would make Shagability want to talk to you? 

Opener A:   “Hi, how are you?  What’s your name?”

Opener B:  “Hey, let me get your take on something.  My friend wants to name his new puppies after an 80’s pop duo.  What do you think of “Milli Vanilli”?

The first opener asks, “How about some dick?”  

The second one asks, “How about some fun?”  

So think about some fun openers, commit them to memory and then practice them in the following way.

Open Your Friends

Memorize three or four openers and try them on your friends.  Anywhere, anytime.  In bars, parties, and coffee shops.  In book stores, grocery stores, elevators.  On the phone or in person.  This is a no-bomb exercise because you’re not picking them up; you’re picking up a skill. 

Do it with men or women.  Young or old, black or white, gay or straight.  Doesn’t matter.  Keep talking, keep opening.  See where you get stuck.  Try it again.  Approach it like porn:  Play, pause, rewind, play.  

Goal #1:  Find your personal rhythm.  Work out the kinks.

Goal #2:  Become a fun delivery boy.  Eat in or take out, you deliver.

Goal #3:  Become accustomed to opening people who don’t push your emotional buttons so it’ll be easier to do it with people who do.  

Reminder!

 These exercises are cumulative.  Add, don’t subtract.  The only way to get to “Unconscious Competence” is PRACTICE.

Next: Open Strangers You’re Not Attracted To.

Use the same three to four openers you memorized in Day 6 and use them on strangers (and acquaintances) that you’re not interested in romantically.  Men or women, it doesn’t matter.  We’re building a skill, not a dance card.

Goal #1:   Raise the stakes a bit.  

Goal #2:  Hone your skill, notice what works and what doesn’t.  Review, refine, repeat.  

Goal #3:  Become accustomed to opening people in situations that elicit manageable levels of apprehension.  

Next: Open Friends & Strangers with Newly Memorized Openers.  

Memorize a handful of new openers (either the ones I’ve listed above or ones you’ve developed yourself).  Open friends, acquaintances and strangers you’re not attracted to–in that order.  

Goal #1:   Build a stack of memorized openers that you can use at will.  

Goal #2:  Keep sharpening your skills.  Course correct.  Are you taking too much time to deliver the opening?  Are you smiling?  Engaged?  

So far, you should be doing the following EVERY DAY:

• Saying hello to strangers.
• Physically going out of your way to say hello to friends.
• Striking up small conversations with acquaintances you normally just say hello to.
• Paying strangers a compliment
• Memorizing 3 or 4 openers
• Using these openers on strangers–male or female.
• Using these openers on guys you’re not attracted to.
• Memorizing another 3 or 4 openers–then use them on strangers, friends and guys you’re not interested in.

If you’ve skipped any of these steps, GO BACK.  

In the next post I’m going to introduce you to some people who can make or break your chances when you go out.

How To Ask A Guy For His Phone Number

Welcome to our series on asking men for their phone number or email!  Here is what we are going to cover in our series:

• Factors That Influence A guy To Give Out his  Number
• Why You Should Ask For his  Email Instead Of his  Number
• Examples Of How To Ask For his  Email Address
• What To Write In Your First Email To Him
• The Ten Most Effective Ways To Get his  Phone Number
• How To Get A Stripper’s Phone Number
• Should You Keep Talking After You Get his  Number?
• Don’t Ruin Your Chances:  Avoid These Five Common Mistakes
• How Long To Wait Before You Make The First Call
• Should You Leave A Voice Mail Or Call Back?
• What To Say On The First Call (Or Text)
• How To Avoid Conversational Dead-Ends On The First Call

Asking for a man’s phone number is one of the most nerve-wracking things you can ever try.  You get so wrapped up in the possibility of blowing it that you lose sight of why he’s talking to you in the first place–because he’s interested.  Even if that interest is mild or ambiguous.

Desperate Much?

In the wake of all that anticipatory anxiety it’s easy to sound so desperate, meek or try-hard that you practically guarantee some form of rejection (like when he says, “Why don’t you give me your number instead?” or “I don’t give out my number to people I don’t know”).

We all know guys who are great with men.  They’re confident, they’re experienced and they know just what to say.  They’re so smooth they can drive a convertible through a car wash and not get wet.  What’s their secret?

You’re about to find out.  This series is a little different than what you may be used to, though.  If you’re looking for a seduction guru who “cracked the code” and brags about how they can get a phone number in 3 minutes flat, go somewhere else.  You’re not reading an autobiography; you’re reading a journalist’s investigation into the best ways to get a guy’s phone number so you can ask him out.

No Guru Zone

Typically, some self-styled “seduction guru” tells you that his technique, and only his technique, will work and that it will work under all circumstances with all men.  

The problem with listening to any one expert is that you only get one perspective.  And while these experts may be wildly successful, most of them are raging extroverts.  What if you’re not?

I mean, it’s fine if you have the kind of personality that could talk to a wall and go home with its plaster, but most guys don’t have that kind of personality.

To combat the One Perspective/One Personality trap I interviewed many of the top seduction gurus as well as a wide variety of good-looking men who constantly get hit on.  I also talked to respected psychologists in the field of persuasion and leading sales experts who know a thing or two about “Getting To Yes.”

The result is this:  A “Best Practices” Guide to getting a man’s phone number.  You will not be learning “my” techniques, but the techniques that players, men, psychologists and sales geniuses all agree have the best chance to land you a number.   Whether you’re in a bar, restaurant, a park, hell, even an elevator.  

By providing different perspectives and solid rationales from the fields of sales and persuasion, you’re going to find solutions that you’re more comfortable using, given that everyone has different personalities.

One last thing.  This isn’t a guide to trick or manipulate men into doing something they may not want to do.  After all, what good is tricking or pressuring a guy to give you his  number if he has no intention of calling you back?

This is a manual that helps you connect with a man more fully so that he wants to give you his  phone number and in turn, wants to pick up the phone when you call.  

So make some space in your phone.  By the time you finish reading this guide, you’re going to need it!

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

How To Approach Good Looking Men You Want To Meet

An IBM study revealed that the first few seconds of a presentation produce the most anxiety.   Minds are likeliest to go blank at the beginning of a talk, so they instituted a new rule for their sales people—memorize the beginning.   

So, guess what?  You need to memorize what ou want to say in the first few seconds.   Otherwise, I guarantee you a big fat dose of approach anxiety.  When you’re certain about what you’re going to say and how to say it, anxiety melts away. 

Now, memorizing your openers may seem weird or contrived but listen to what #1 New York Times best selling author Keith Ferrazzi said about planning for a relationship:  

“Just because it’s intentional doesn’t mean it’s insincere.”

Memorizing your opener is planning for a relationship.  It’s intentional AND sincere. Here are a few other tips for approaching guys in conversation.

Don’t milk it.  

If the energy dissipates after the opener or if you’re thinking too hard about what to say next, change the subject.  Propping up a dying conversation is like saying, “How about some dick?”

Smile. 

Not just because it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips, but because it’s crucial to setting the tone for your interaction.   A smile is the canary in the amusement mine.  Guys see it as a sign that there’s fun in them thar hills.  Don’t feel like smiling?  Fake it.  Studies show that smiling actually causes other people to smile back–even when they don’t know you.  

Raise your energy level

Come in with a SLIGHTLY higher energy level.  Too much is annoying and too little is boring.  How do you increase your energy level?  Talk louder, use gestures, connect by smiling with your mouth AND your eyes.

Don’t Stare Before You Approach Him. 

It’s creepy.  Worse, you won’t look fun or interesting.  Besides, even if you look away in time, the second guy you’re interested in will see your stare-fest and take note.  

Never Mention His Looks. 

If you’re going to compliment him, do it on his poise, his style or his energy.  Notice things about him that other people don’t because they’re too mesmerized by his beauty.  

Avoid Yes/No Questions. 

Like, “Can I ask you a quick question?”  What if he says no?  And never begin by saying, “I’m sorry, excuse me or pardon me.”  It makes you sound insecure or worse, like a panhandler.   Stick with observations like, “You look like an expert on ____,”  “Let me ask you…” or the standard “roots” I listed above like, “Help me settle a bet with a friend…” or “I’m asking you because…”  

Never Excuse Yourself.

Avoid uttering courtesies appropriate for other settings, like “Excuse me”, “Pardon me” or “I’m sorry.”  Even if it’s to deliver a proper compliment (“Excuse me, just wanted to say I like your shirt”).  Confident people never apologize for their presence.

Don’t be sarcastic. 

Sarcasm creates bonds but not attractions.   The quickest way to send him into the friends zone is to be sarcastic.

Don’t Look “Cool.”  

Look warm.  As in friendly.  Trying to look cool just makes you look bored.  Or worse, boring. 

What If He’s In A Group?

Perfect.  You can win over his friends and make him like you even more.   Let’s say he’s standing in a group of three people.   Open one of the guys you’re NOT interested in.  In fact, ignore Shagability.  At least, initially.  It’ll make him wonder why you’re not directing your attention to him and in some cases prompt him to actually seek your attention (no good-looking guy wants to be shown up by his lesser looking friends).  

You:  “Hey guys, you look like experts, I need your opinion.”  

[Say something silly like, “I’m thinking of naming my two new puppies Ping and Pong. What do you think?”].  As you take a step away, look back at the group and say…

“I’m curious, how do you all know one another?”   

Them:  “Oh, we’re just good friends”

You:  “I could totally tell.  Here, let me give you two the best friends test:  Do you both use the same shampoo?”  

[They’ll look to each other for the answer.  Cut them off before they say anything]

You:  “You already passed.”

Them:  “But we don’t use the same shampoo!”

You:  Yeah, but you both looked at each other before you answered.  See, if you didn’t know each other well, you’d keep eye contact with me.  But when two people have a connection they look at each other first.  See, you’re doing it right now.  

Summary

• Don’t seek rapport; assume it.  Act as if you know him and speak in statement form.
• Avoid pickup lines.  They’re conversational Ebola.
• You must answer two questions before you deliver the opener:  “Are you hitting me on me?” and “How long are you going to be?”  First, give a reason for talking (“settle a debate”) and then state a time constraint (“I’ve only got a sec”).
• Pick openers that resonate with you.
• Nine must-know tips:  Memorize the opener, SMILE, raise your energy, don’t stare or mention his looks, avoid yes/no questions, never ‘excuse’ yourself, no sarcasm and be warm and friendly.

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