Facebook Flirting Strategies

 

Welcome to the meat of the series.  We couldn’t have gotten here without the previous posts.  There’s no point in knowing how to flirt on Facebook if everything about your pictures and profile is flirt-unfriendly.

But now you’re ready!  Once you’ve identified the guys you want to meet through the searching strategies recommended in previous posts, it’s time to get jiggy.

Comment On Photos and Status Updates

Assuming you’ve become friends with someone you’re interested in, leave comments on their photos and status updates.  The key here is to be friendly, not flirty.  You don’t want the world to know you’re hitting on him!  

Don’t worry if you don’t see sparks fly on your first comments.   Guys pay enormous attention to who’s commenting.  With a good default profile pic (the one that shows up with every comment you make) you’re liable to make him click on your profile after reading one of your comments.  Besides, when similar interests are found, they can spark a conversation down the road.

Post Something On Their Wall

A compliment about a guy’s taste in music or film usually works well. Say you just befriended a “friend of a friend” you’re attracted to.  After your friend request gets accepted, write a wall post on his profile that says something to the effect of, 

“Hey you’re into [insert band X]? I didn’t know [mutual friend’s name] was cool enough to know TWO people that like [band X]!”

This lets him know you have two shared interests:  a)  The band  b)  Your mutual friend.

Here’s another example of something you could post on his wall…

“You are so right.  Contrary to popular opinion, [movie title] was terrible!  It’s the most over-rated movie of the year. In fact, I wanted to give you props as the first guy I’ve ever seen who was bold enough to put that on their Facebook profile.”

Poking Strategies 

Yes, you can still “Poke” on Facebook even though they’ve removed the Poke button. Antiquated as it is, Facebook’s “Poke” feature is still one of the best ways of meeting guys.  It’s sort of like a dating app’s “wink” feature—you “poke” or “wink” at somebody and they have the option of poking you back.

Your pokes are NOT recorded in your mini-feed so people won’t see that you’re poking (or sending messages) to five guys every day (!!).  

Here’s how it works: Sign in then go to facebook.com/poke.  You’ll see a list of people Facebook thinks you should poke, plus there’s a search bar with this message: “search for friends to poke.”

Poking saves time by not having to come up with a witty message to send him.   After poking him, the next time he logs into Facebook he’ll see a “You have been poked by [Your Name]” and the option to remove the poke or poke back.  He will then click on your name and be taken to your (artfully created) profile and snoop around.  

At the risk of stating the obvious, this is why we spent so much time on your pictures and profile.  He is going to make a snap judgment based on both.  If he’s interested he’ll poke you back.

Don’t Start A Poking War

If he pokes back, don’t start a poking marathon.  It’s your cue to send him a message—he’s interested! Keep it short.  Ask something about his activities or interest.  Like, “Hey, I see you’re a tennis player.  Are there any leagues in town?”  Or you could write a cutesy, “Ouch! You’re going to leave a bruise with all that poking.”

Send Him A Message

You don’t have to start out with a poke.  You can do it with a conversation-opening message.

Here are some messages I call “bootleg flirts” because the recipient never feels like they’re being hit on.  It’s like an ordinary message with a flirt subtext bootlegged into it.

Flirt #1

You:  “Is that really you in your profile picture?”  He’ll almost always respond, “Of course it is why do you ask?”  Bingo, you’ve got an opening for a conversation.

Flirt #2

Find the sexiest picture in his profile and compliment him on something in the background.  Complimenting a beautiful guy on the barely visible chair he’s sitting on is guaranteed to make him laugh and wonder, “Why isn’t this guy complimenting me in the usual way?”  This is a GUARANTEED way of setting the stage for a fun conversation.

Flirt #3

In the subject line, write “Did we….?” 

In the body, write, “We spoke to each other briefly last Saturday, right?” 

The exchange will go something like:

Him:     “Really? Where?”

You:   “I thought we briefly said something to each other at so and so’s party, or ______ pool or _____ club. No? 

Him:  “I wasn’t there last weekend. Sorry.”

You:   “Ha! Okay. Well you have an evil twin out there then!”


If he’s interested, he’ll take over the conversation.

Quick note:  If the guy asks you how you found him, just say he popped up on your “friends you may know” list and spotted him because he looked like the made-up guy you chatted with last Saturday at the pool or club that you never went to (!)

Flirt #4

I don’t recommend this next one for the shy.  But if you’re feeling a little adventurous, go for it.

1. In the subject header write: “I really must say…”
2. In the body write: “That is a HOT picture! Who is he? I really like your taste.”

About 80% of guys will reply to this message.  Why? Simple:  The sentence starts out with an obvious leer you might get on a hookup app but the second sentence turns the meaning upside down.  

Basically, you’re saying the picture’s hot but assuming it’s not him.   Some guys will laugh about that sudden twist, some won’t, but in the end, most of them will feel challenged in some way and send you a reply.

For hundreds of witty, pre-written flirty messages you can send check out our collection of flirty texts. Trust me, you’ll something that fits your personality.  

 Keep Your Status Updates Current 

Interested guys will definitely check that out.  The more clever you make them, the more appealing you’ll be.  Take a look at the results of a recent study on what guys think is most impressive in a Facebook profile:

A hot picture 68% 

Clever Status Updates 28% 


Music/movie tastes 24% 

Tons of friends 20% 


Family photos 17%


Political leanings 3%

Your status updates can be anything you want them to be.  But be sure you put a few zingers in there.  Make a guy laugh and you’re halfway to a ring.  Here are two examples:

 Statistically, 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions.

 Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “Do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “What do you need?”

Next week in our series: Cool Facebook Tricks and Treats That Will Make Your Flirting Life Easier.

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

Texting Resources:

The Guide To Gay Texting

From Text To Sex

How To Talk Dirty In Bed

 

Sex Resources

How To Bottom

How To Top

How To Give Head

How To Cum More

Gay sex books

Gay Sex Advice

Erotic Temperature Quiz

 

How To Read Between The Lines of His Facebook Profile

 

Okay, so you’re checking a guy out, and you like what you see and read.  Before you read the flirting strategies in the next post, do a little analysis.  His pictures and profiles have clues to his personality.  You can tell something about a guy by his choice of pictures, his status updates and his profile, but you have to read between the lines.

Here’s how to interpret the different aspects of his Facebook profile:

Pictures

The pictures he uses tells you exactly what he’s looking for.  A picture of him with friends means he wants to project an image of having a varied and interesting life.  Asking questions about his friends and social habits will appeal to him.  If he’s got preposterously glossy “I’m a model and you’re not” bucket of photos, then you know he’s extremely concerned with his appearance.  The bad news?  He’ll judge you by the same standards. 

If his pictures are funny, it means the opposite.  Appearances don’t matter to him as much as humor and personality.  

Status updates

If he constantly updates his status with what he’s doing, when and with whom (and does it with exclamation marks!!), be very careful about how directly you flirt with him.  A guy who shares this level of detail about everything craves psychological excitement, and unfortunately, will share the details of your flirting attempts.   So be very indirect.  

If you do end up going out, get him to take you to a quirky place because a) he’ll probably end up writing about anything you do together so you might as well give him something interesting to write about, and b) You’ll give him the excitement he craves.  

His Personal Info

The less detail, the more guarded he is.  Translation for you:  Don’t be too pushy with your personal questions because he’ll withdraw faster than you can say, “The end is nigh.”   

The Way He Writes

An overuse of abbreviations, txt sp3ak and a general lack of grammar usually means one of two things:  He’s busy or he wants you to think he is.  We all use shortcuts for online conversations but if you need a translator to read his status updates, something else is going on.

On the other hand, if he uses the Queen’s English for everything, he’s signaling that propriety is important to him.  Using proper language in casual situations like Facebook is usually the mark of somebody conscious of appearing polite and courteous.  If you want to bond, write him in the same style he’s using.

Photos

It’s natural to rate your own attractiveness by that of your friends, so if he has photos of himself with even more attractive friends than he is, it usually means he’s secure and confident with his looks.  

If he has lots of pictures with good-looking guys, he’s a stud or more likely, he’s read my posts on social proof!

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

Texting Resources:

The Guide To Gay Texting

From Text To Sex

How To Talk Dirty In Bed

 

Sex Resources

How To Bottom

How To Top

How To Give Head

How To Cum More

Gay sex books

Gay Sex Advice

Erotic Temperature Quiz

 

How to Find Your Type Of Guy on Facebook

 

Okay, so you’ve got the perfect pictures, a profile that’s a man-magnet, now what?  You could sit back and watch guys hit on you.  The problem with just leaving it at that is that you have no control over who hits on you.  This post in our Facebook series is about exerting that control.  It’s about searching for guys you like and launching the flirting strategies in the next post.

Keep in mind that this post is about searching strategies, not flirting strategies.  You can’t flirt with anybody until you find them.  So let’s go find them.  

Searching Strategy #1: 

The Friends Of Your Friends Are Your Potential Lovers

The best way to get attention is through connection.  Go to your friends’ profiles and click on their Friends button.  See anybody interesting?  Of course you do!  Send them a friend request.  If they ask how you got them?  Here’s your answer:

“You look a little familiar and you’re on my ‘People you may know’ thingy, do I know you?”

Search Strategy #2 

Finding A Guy Through Email

A lot of people don’t know that you can find your crushes on Facebook by putting their email address in Facebook’s search box. If you have his email address put it in the search box.  If he used the same addy to sign up for Facebook his profile will pop up.  How cool is that?!

What if you don’t know the email address?

Try searching with your friend’s First and Last Name.  You’ll get the profiles with that particular name on and you can pick him out based on the profile picture or other relevant data. If you still can’t find anything relevant, try checking his blog/website (if he has one). Most bloggers include the URL to their Facebook profile in their sites.

Search Strategy #3: 

Use The Friend Finder Feature

On your profile page you’ll see a tab that says, “Find More Friends.”  Beneath your email address there’s a box asking you for the password to your email address book.  Type it in and voila!  You’ll see the Facebook profiles of everybody on your address book (assuming they have one).

Next week in our series: How To Read Between The Lines of His Profile

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys
Gay Dating Tips

Texting Resources:

The Guide To Gay Texting

From Text To Sex

How To Talk Dirty In Bed

 

Sex Resources

How To Bottom

How To Top

How To Give Head

How To Cum More

Gay sex books

Gay Sex Advice

Erotic Temperature Quiz

 

Troubleshooting Problems With Dating Online

 

Let’s end our bodacious series on gay dating online with some troubleshooting.  As a former consultant for gay dating apps, a sex advice columnist and a regular online dater myself, I have come across many situations that put the “Accck” in awkward.   The truth is, some are unavoidable.  Your best bet is to minimize the chances and have a strategy in place for when things go wrong.

Here are some real-life situations common to gay online dating—and how to respond to them:

You’re Not Interested When You Meet

Q:  How do you handle meeting someone in person after chatting online and finding out you’re not interested?  Especially if they’re pressuring you for another date over email.  What do you do?  

A:   Do not ignore his texts—it’s rude.  I call it “poofing” – when somebody who initially was interested disappears (poof!).   The gay world can be really small depending on where you live—getting a reputation as a jerk is never a good policy.  

All you owe him is a quick, “Thanks, but I don’t think we’re a match.’   If you want to soften the blow, say something like, “But I really enjoyed our time together.”  The guy went out of his way to meet you—the least you could do is give him some clarity.  Wouldn’t you expect the same?

When To Go Offline

I am drinking so many “Quarantinis” I’m peeing olives. You?I am drinking so many “Quarantinis” I’m peeing olives. You?: How long should your profile stay up once you’ve started dating someone? 

A:  If all you’re looking for are hook-ups, then by all means, keep the profile up.  But if you’re looking for something a bit more serious, consider the message you’re sending to the guy you’re seeing:  You want to meet new guys even though you’re dating. That’s kind of ugly.  

But there’s no need to take down the profile until you actually have a talk about it. Truth is, you don’t owe him a take-down unless you’ve decided to be exclusive.  

Do You Owe Strangers A Response?

Q: If someone contacts you and you’re not interested, do you owe the person a response?

A:   No you don’t.   Remember what I said earlier—online isn’t real until you meet.  For all you know, the person who’s contacting you is lying about every aspect of himself in a profile.  You don’t owe strangers –especially lying strangers, anything.  

A lot of sites let you send a boilerplate, automatic answer like, “Thanks but not thanks.”  But even that’s unnecessary, if you ask me.  Silence is an answer.  

What If He Doesn’t Look Like His Pics?

Q:  How do you handle a liar in a coffee shop?  What if he’s nothing like his pictures?

A.  Put his profile pic on your phone before you meet.  If you can’t find anyone in the coffeehouse that looks even vaguely like the picture, keep walking—right out the door.  Of course, that’s not always possible.  So, be direct and brief. You can say, “I’m sorry, but this is not how you presented yourself on the site.”

It’s important that you leave.  Don’t over-explain or engage him in any way.  He’ll just get hostile and blame you for the same thing.  Just tell him you’re uncomfortable and that you are leaving. And then…leave.

Remember, if someone blatantly lies about himself when you’re both supposedly on your best behavior, just think of what could happen later.

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

 

 

How To Take Pictures That Attract Guys On Facebook

Use Natural Lighting.

Warm light makes for great pictures. Again, you want to show the real you, but also the BEST real you. Look for indirect lighting and soft golden hues. Natural lighting is usually best. Get out into nature, even if you’re not an outdoorsy-kind-of-guy. A park, a beach, a lake—even your backyard—can give you the kind of lighting and open-air vibe that produces beautiful photos.

Work the angles.

Even some of the most gorgeous models in the world are rarely photographed head-on. Why? Because photographers know that head-on, eye-level shots distort your features. Consider having the person taking your picture stand a little higher than you. Having yourself be “shot down to” can be more flattering than the straight-on, eye-level shot.

While your “photographer” is slightly above you, turn your head slightly to one side to avoid the dreaded double chin. To avoid the “I am controlled by aliens” red-eye effect, look at a specific spot behind the camera. It’s a proven way of preventing your irises from dilating which creates the “red eye” effect.

Avoid the long shots.

Don’t stand so far away! If you make guys squint they’re going to think you’re hiding something.

Avoid The Middle Of The Day.

Strong rays can create harsh shadows and make you look older. Best bet? Wait until the evening when the sun is lower in the sky, or wait for an overcast day. Another best bet: Early morning.

Dress Right.

Avoid big or busy patterns. Stick to solid colors that flatter your eye color or complexion. Even if you normally don’t like bright colors, take at least one picture in a vivid shirt. This way, your photo will “pop” out of the background and will draw more attention.

Relax.

To get in a more relaxed state of mind, try putting on music or having a glass of wine. You don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard. Just remember to take as many photos as it takes to get one that represents you at your best.

Do what you love best.

A picture of you with your pet (you’re not into snakes are you?), your tennis racquet or playing your favorite musical instrument can easily give guys a better sense of who you are and convince them to contact you. Plus, visuals work instantaneously, stopping people even before they’ve read a word of your profile.

Now, let’s look at the other ways that you can bust that door of opportunity wide open.

Photoshop

No, I’m not recommending that you use photo editing equipment to LIE, but I do think you can use it to tell the truth better. Here are examples of acceptable photo editing:

Removing Red Eye

Let’s say you have a great pic but the red eye makes you look like the Creature That Time Forgot. There’s nothing wrong with taking it out. But keep it honest—don’t replace it with a color your eyes have never been.

Increase the contrast to make your skin seem clearer.

Just make sure you’re not giving yourself an alabaster look, Mr. Olive Skin.

Cropping

If there’s a huge amount of space between your head and the top of the photo, you will look short (GASP!). Whether or not you are actually short, make sure you crop the photograph so that there is little to no space between the top of the photograph and your head. It’ll make for a better pic.

SUMMARY (of entire photo series, not just this post)

• Take more than 50 digital photos. You’ll need lots to choose from, plus you should rotate pictures to keep them fresh.
• Avoid self-portraits. They’re mediocre at best; creepy-looking at worst. If you can’t find a friend to take them for you, at least use the automatic snap function on a real camera.
• Use my Rule Of Threes in the Profile Section to eliminate all doubt about what you look like. One third of your pictures should be portraits (face), one third body shots (swimsuit or form-fitting outfits), and one third action shots (doing something you love).
• Photo Guidelines: SMILE, pretend you’re looking at somebody you find attractive, look directly at the camera, ditch the sunglasses and baseball caps, use natural lighting, don’t just use eye-level shots–mix up different angles.
• Album Strategy: Create a “My Favorite Pictures” album that serves as a ‘best of’ collection. 80% of the pictures should be of you and your friends having a good time. 20% should be of you alone.

How To Read The Secret Signals Hiding In His Online Profile

 

Now that you’ve done some soul-searching, posted great (but realistic) photos, and have written a Pulitzer Prize-winning header and profile (see past posts in this series), you may be tempted to sit back and wait for the multitudes to come and “discover” you.

Wrong.  Yes, many people will see your profile but many more will not.  This post in our series on online dating will show you how to respond to profiles you like, but before we get into that, it’s important that you learn how to separate the wheat from the chaff.  Or more to the point, the honest from the dishonest.  The trick is learning to read the secret signals hiding in his profile. Start here:

The quality of photos.  

Don’t roll your eyes—this is not another “Captain Obvious” moment. There’s an art to examining a potential partners’ photos.  And it’s not just focusing on whether it made a certain part of your anatomy point north either. 

Beware the following:

Photos that are a little too good.  Make sure he has several photos posted and that he hasn’t cribbed a shot from the latest Italian GQ issue.  A too perfect shot is a red-flag.

Too many sexy shots.  As I’ve said before, you should post shirtless shots whether you’re on Dick Central or The Love Boat.  But come on, if you’re on a match.com or chemistry.com and there’s nothing BUT shirtless shots, he’s selling his appeal inside the bedroom not out.   If you’re looking for more than a notch in your lipstick case, he ain’t the one. 

No pictures, faceless photos or too few pictures. 

He’s either the kind of closet case that’s running the Republican National Committee or he’s so ugly he’s got to beat his feet to go to bed with him.

Mixed signals. 

I love this phrase:  “Fun and possible LTR.”   Here’s the translation:   Sex, drugs and rock and roll.  And if he lives through the night, marriage.  There’s nothing wrong with this kind of guy, but if you’re looking to settle down, it ain’t gonna be with this waffler.

Spot the scene queen. 

Once, I got a letter from a 21 year old guy who waxed poetic about wanting to settle down to a serious relationship.  He sent it from an email address that had the words “party time” in it.  Uhm, hello? 

If you want to separate the posers from the people who are serious about dating, you have to pay attention to inconsistencies.  You know, like saying you’re open to an LTR and posting dick pictures.  That kind of thing.

Another way of filtering out partiers is to understand the coded language they use.  For instance:

• “Must keep up with me.”  Um, doing what, may I ask?
• “No drama!”  Usually means they ARE drama, so be prepared for it.
• Hip spellings/string of slangs. Beware certain words like “boi” for boy or those who try to prove their coolness with slang. 
• Hot boi ISO a VGL str8 acting guy 4 LTR or NSA fun.” You don’t need a decoder ring to tell that this guy has an LTR waaaay down his list.  He’s on the hunt for a good time.

How To Spot The Future Husband

Guys interested in LTRs tend to write things like, “friends first, relationship later.” Also, they rarely over-sexualize their pictures and profiles.  Another indication that he’s more than a partier—a list of fascinating hobbies and interests. This shows he doesn’t spend all his time scoring drugs or dancing ‘til dawn.

Read Between The Lines

  Your potential lover-boy may say he’s mellow, warm and fuzzy, but read between the lines. If he rants about something—politics, work, or anything really—he’s not necessarily all that mellow now, is he?

SUMMARY

• Beware of photos that are too good.  There’s a high potential that they’re not his, or altered so much that he hardly looks like his pics.
• Watch out for too many sexy shots.  They’re fine for hookup sites, but if they’re on a dating site, whoa.  He’s telling you he’d rather screw than date.
• No pictures or too few.  Run!  He’s either a closet case or a clock stopper.
• Beware coded language.  Anybody who uses a lot of abbreviations (boi for boy) is a player.  You may want to hook up with a player but you certainly don’t want to date one.

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

How to Build A Smokin’ Hot Profile On Gay Dating Apps

 

“Hey!  You’ve made a spectacular choice by clicking on my profile!”

While your username whispers a sense of who you are, your profile screams it.  And it has an enormous influence on whether guys contact you or not.  Most people are surprised by two key findings in online research:  a)  Profiles are almost as important in hookup sites as relationship sites and b)  Short profiles work best.  

You shouldn’t be writing long fawning essays in your profile.  They should be, like, 300 words at most for a a site and waaaaaaay less than that on an app.  Remember, your profile isn’t there to qualify somebody for a hookup or marriage. 

It’s main function is to GET YOU TO THE NEXT STEP (a call or a meet-up).  And the only thing that gets you to the next step is to rationally convince guys that you’ve answered their three main concerns:  1)  Are you good looking enough?  2)  Are you interesting enough? 3) Are we at all compatible?

Let’s start with the hookup sites.  Do you really need to spend much time on a profile?  Do you need one at all?  Yes, oh God, YES!  And let me tell you why.  You’re reading this series on online dating because you wanted to MEET HOTTER GUYS.  Higher quality guys don’t just respond to good pictures.  They want a good sense of who and what they’re getting into.

Higher quality guys, even when they’re looking for a roll in the hay, want some kind of an emotional connection.  They might want dick but they care about who that dick is attached to.  Think about it–don’t you?  Even when you trick, you’re picky about who you trick with, right?  

Here’s another reason you need to spend time on a profile for hookup sites:  Many, many guys on hookup sites like GrindR like it use it to find dates.  Here, let me prove it to you. 

When sites get as big as Grindr or Scruff they become everything to everyone.  What’s Dick Central to some is the Love Boat to others.  If you want hotter guys for sex or marriage, you need to create a compelling profile.  

Funny examples of what to write in your profile

I’m 100% 50/50.  umm. i like doing fun stuff. fun stuff is good. unless its bad. thats not good. i also like doing other stuff. so yeah, other stuff and fun stuff…

I could be this generation’s Mother Teresa if I only gave a damn about anyone other than myself… That was acting. Thank you.

*If I don’t respond, I’m probably busy… reading porn to the blind.

Look at the good I do! Now, get the hell out of here.

If you don’t have a face pic, I probably won’t respond….”

This headline will self-destruct in 30 seconds

Repeat after me: you + are = you’re.  For example: if you’re enchanted with your own hotness, you’re probably looking for your alter-ego who refers to himself as “hot-this” or “vgl-that.” homey don’t play dat.

Not into drugs or unsafe play. but I am into redheads and mutual massages.  Here are a few other favorites (not):
“str8-acting” (str8 guys don’t hunt men)
“breed me” (i’m more likely to sterilize you)
“perfer ub2” (prefer ubliterate)
“i’m hot” (take off your ego)
“your hot” (what about my hot?)

Just browsing, and being, the local porn. please unlock if you say “hi.”

Examples Are Not Recommendations

Now, let’s be clear about these (and other examples).  I’m not saying that they’re great examples for everyone.  In fact, they’re missing some key components.  What I’m saying is they’re great examples of reflecting that person’s personality.  Now, let’s move on to…

The Proven Formula For Profiles On Hookup Sites.

After seeing years of research on profiles that attract the most hits, I developed a fail-safe,  6-step formula guaranteed to dramatically increase your hit rate.  It’s simple, actually.  Mix humor, confidence, “qualifiers,” a description of your physical attributes, what you’re looking for, a few observations and a question that serves as a call to action prompt. 

This formula works for both hookup sites and dating sites (the difference is that dating profiles should be longer).  Here’s my 6-step formula for building the perfect profile for hookup sites.  Use it as a basis for creating your own profile:

1)  Opening humorous line that portrays confidence.   

Example:  I solemnly swear I’m up to no good.

2.) Description of physical attributes

Example:  Tall enough to reach for the jam jar  but not the top of the fridge (5’10”), brown curly hair, blue eyes, smooth, 32 waist, 10” shoe size (stop it, I know what you’re thinking).

3)   A short personal revelation

Example:  I walked into the Fontainebleau hotel in Miami Beach ten years ago and I’ve been trying to wear the lobby ever since.

4)   What you’re looking for

Partial to smooth blondes but I’m an equal opportunist.  

5) Disqualifiers. 

Example:  I prefer hairy guys under forty.  Thanks!

6) A question/call to action

Example:  Why do people watch (list a show you hate)?

If you look at any successful profile (hookup or dating site) they inevitably have some version of these six steps.  Many people have asked me about #6, the call to action. 

Why is that important?  Because it’s an invitation to respond.  It’s a device to prompt engagement.  And it also serves as an easy way to start a conversation for the shy who may not know where to start.

 

Okay, so here’s the big reveal:  An example of a real profile that incorporates almost everything in my formula and works like a charm.  Feel free to beg, borrow or steal parts of it.

Tall, Slender & Muscular looking for a hookup, a date or a husband (And not necessarily in that order)

So, I’m 39, 6’2, 175 lbs, 32w, black hair, green eyes Spain/Russia mix, hairy chest, olive skin.  

You’re my type if you’re  25-42, a 7 or 8 on the “10” meter, cute more than hot, thinks kissing and touching is better than sex, likes pretzeling on the couch as much as partying and knows the difference between its and it’s. 

Unfortunately, I have a very specific type so there’s no point in contactng me if you weigh more than 180 lbs or have a waist size bigger than 32.

If I could be anyone in Family Guy I’d be Stewie.  I think it’d be cool to threaten your mother with a British accent.  Who’d you be?  

Next week in the series:  what to write on your dating app profile.

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

 

 

How To Write a Defining Headline In A Gay Dating App

 

“HEADLESS BODY FOUND IN TOPLESS BAR.”

–Famous headline in the New York Post

Some headlines are irresistible.  You just have to keep reading.  The job of your headline is to get people to read your profile.  Remember, every opportunity you have to present yourself is an opportunity to lure in the kind of guy you like. 

The average guy spends seconds scanning potential dates online, so you literally have seconds to make yourself noticed.  Great photos and an intriguing username are like delicious crumbs you leave leading to your door. You don’t want to slam it shut in their face with an awful header or headline.

Beware the trap of using common or overused headers. They give the wrong impression–that you’re lazy, boring, and unimaginative. Now, that may be true, but we are determined to show your BEST self, right? So spend some extra time on your header.

According to Online Dating Magazine, these are…

The Top 10 Most Overused Headers:

10) blah. blah. blah.

9) Just curious

8) Are you the one?

7) Looking for a partner in crime.

6) Looking to meet new people.

5) I can’t believe I’m doing this!

4) I’m the one your mother warned you about.

3) Seeking Prince Charming.

2) Hi (or “hello” or “howdy” or “hey there”)

And the number one most overused profile subject header….

 I might be the one you’re looking for!

 

A Test

Now, didn’t those leave you with a desire to wash your eyeballs out with bleach?  To bring the point home, try this quick test. Which one of these four headlines would interest you?

1. “Hello”
2. “You May be the One I’m Looking for”
3. “Looking to Meet New People”
4. “Willing to Lie About How We Met!”

If you didn’t pick the fourth one, stop reading.  I can’t bear the idea I wrote a post that’s being read by somebody who needs a humor by-pass.  Seriously, most people prefer the humorous approach. It’s unique and clever.  Bottom line: make sure your header stands out like a peacock among common poultry.  Here are a few guidelines:

Ask An Interesting, Open-Ended Question.

Examples:

• At a movie theater which arm rest is yours? 
• What is God’s last name?
• Ask me how many times I broke the speed limit this week.

DO NOT CAP TEXT YOUR HEADLINE!

 ONLY USE CAP TEXT WHEN YOU WANT TO ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF SOMEBODY.   

Use A Quote.

No, not some cheesy thing out of Eat Pray Love.  Try something out of a book, song or movie that says something about you.  Here are a few I’ve seen that I’ve liked:

•  I’m really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking!   (from Zoolander)
• “I don’t know what to say, so I’ll just say what’s in my heart… Baboom, Baboom, Baboom.” (Spaceballs)
• You know what the trouble about real life is? There’s no danger music.  (Ace Ventura)

Ask Yourself If You Would Respond to You

If you’re feeling stuck, a great way to make your profile better is to analyze profiles you like. What is it that you like about them? What makes them different?

Avoid Sounding Sad, Needy Or Judgemental

Your header shows up on all searches, so make it work extra-hard for you. Some traps to avoid:

• The overly sincere.  Example: “Ready to settle down.”  First of all, it’s a cliché.  So, I’m already expecting the next line and wincing:  “Love long walks on the beach.”
•  Reverse judgementalism.  Example: “Can’t believe I’m doing this!”  Well, ya are Blanche, ya are.   Not only does this header sound like you’re judging yourself, but everyone else on the site.

Give Clues To What Makes You Tick

 Consider two headlines.  Which one gives you a clearer picture of the guy behind it?

1)  “Food & Music Rock My Boat”  

2)  “Classical Music Buff Who Loves Beer And BBQ” 

Two words:  Be specific.

Mix It Up…And Often

Keep your profile fresh by rotating your pictures and changing your header about once a month (more if response rates go south).  You’d be surprised at how different subject headers attract different people.  Don’t be afraid to experiment.  Here are some examples:

• Experimental cook needs food taster
• Well preserved but not yet pickled
• 750cc’s of mad biker seeks pillion
• Bookworm seeks bookmark to keep his place
• Office worker by day, inter-galactic assassin by night

Use Your Header as a Filter

Here’s one of the biggest complaints that gay dating apps get:  “I’m getting hit on by people who aren’t my type!”  If your cyber door is being darkened by unwanteds, use your header as a filter.  Here are a couple of examples:

• Looking for smooth, 24-30 year old guys
• Are you six foot tall and have a waist under 32?  Come on in!
• Looking for hairy guys over 40 only.

You can greatly reduce “noise” by simply putting a filter on your subject header.   Don’t be afraid to use them, but at the same time, be kind.  There’s no need to bitch-slap people with crap like, “No blacks, fats or femmes.” 

SUMMARY

• Ask an interesting, open-ended question.  It’ll make your headline stand out.
• DO NOT CAP TEXT YOUR HEADLINE.  It’s rude.
• Use a quote.  Especially from movies.
• Ask yourself if you’d respond to your headline.
• Avoid sounding sad.  Or needy or judgmental. 
• Give hints about who you are.  It’s like an appetizer before the entree.
• Change your header once a month.  It’s the single least-known fact about gay dating sites–people really do read the headlines!
• Use your header as a filter.  It’ll weed out guys who aren’t your type.

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

 

 

How To Pick The Most Effective Profile Name On A Gay Dating App

 

Are you getting the sense from this series on meeting guys in the apps that all the details related to making yourself more attractive is like having a mild case of OCD?  Good, that’s exactly how it should feel. Picking apart every detail to improve your pool of prospects is worth it when the end result is a hotter sex life or the love of your life.  So let’s obsess a little over creating a username that will attract Mr. Right (or lots of hot Mr. Right Nows).

ThisIsNotAGoodScreenName

Here’s the bitter truth:  You know that guy you think is really hot?  Everybody else thinks so too.  So how are you going to stand out?  One way is to make your screen name reinforce the good impression your carefully selected photos have (hopefully) already made.

A generic name like “NYCNathan” is not as eye-catching as something more specific, like “NathanLovesDancing.” But don’t get too specific, because “NathanLovesDancingNaked” might give people the wrong impression. 

Here’s a quick tip:   Believe what people say about themselves. If his screen name is “PartyBoy” he means it.  If you’re a shy and bookish guy, it ain’t gonna work.   

Here are some guidelines for creating a username that makes other guys want to click on you:

Make ‘Em Smile!

Make him laugh and you’re halfway up his leg.   If you don’t believe that a clever handle is associated with high response rates, do a test:  Read a bunch of profiles and pay attention to which names stand out or intrigue you.  In almost all cases, they’re the ones that impressed you with cleverness or word play. 

Avoid Using Numbers in Your Username

It makes your name harder to remember and your image more ambiguous.  You want something sharp and vivid.  Putting the year of your birthdate might be easy but it won’t advance your cause any.  

Be Consistent.

If you’re looking for love and your photos show yourself at your warmest best, why ruin it with a username that contradicts your intentions?  The LTR guys are going to skip right past you if you call yourself  “sexyguy4u2nite,” or worse, “ONE800SKETCHY.”

Do not create a name that contradicts your intentions!

Be Approachable.

Pick a username that shows some personality, but that can’t be misinterpreted as negative or sleazy (unless that’s what you’re looking for, of course).  

Okay, so now you know the general guidelines.  Let’s talk about details and the one question that’s probably on the front of your mind:  What’s the formula for creating clever usernames? 

FORMULA #1:  USE CLICHES TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING ORIGINAL

1. Take a word that describes something you like.
2. Put the word (or a derivation of it) in a cliche website like http://www.westegg.com/cliche/
3. Mix and match the words together to come up with a phrase.

Let’s say you’re into old sports cars, especially the Alfa Romeo.  Take the word Alfa (or in this case a derivation of it—Alpha) and plug it into one of the cliché sites above.

The phrase “alpha male” comes up.  Play with it for a bit and you come up with a terrific screen name:  Alfamale.  How cool is that?

FORMULA #2:  INCORPORATE DIFFERENT COMBINATIONS OF YOUR ATTRIBUTES

Try combinations that incorporate your first name, your job, one of your better attributes, or a hobby—names like:

TallTexan

SDSoundboy

DrGym

TalkativeRick 

SweetDimplesBoy

ShakespeareInLove

FORMULA #3:  USE THE NAME OF A CHARACTER FROM A TELEVISION SHOW, COMIC BOOK OR MOVIE.

A couple of qualifiers on this one.  Don’t use something cheesy like JamesBond007.  Be more original.  

FORMULA #4:  USE AN ONLINE THESAURUS TO COME UP WITH UNIQUE ADJECTIVES.

Look up little-used adjectives that describe who you are and use them in your handle.  Let’s say you consider yourself a homebody.   HOMEBODY4U doesn’t sound very appealing, does it?  But plug it into www.thesaurus.com and www.dictionary.com and you see the words “home centered” and “hearth.”  You could put together a combination of these and come up with something appealing like:  “home&hearthSteven.”

Or plug the word “hearth” into https://www.rhymezone.com You’ll see the rhyme, “Darth”.  Do a little mixing and matching and you come up with something like, “HearthVader.”

The possibilities are endless.  Get crackin’!

FORMULA #5:  NAME YOURSELF AFTER SOMETHING YOU FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT.

If you play the guitar, try naming yourself something along the lines of  GUITARHERO.  If you love to paint, something like SEXYPICASSO.  The point is to reveal something about yourself so the person reading it gets an automatic insight to you. 

Word:  You can use words like “hot” or “sexy” in your handle but keep your eye on context.  SEXYPICASSO is very different than SEXYWHORE.  The latter might be more accurate but the former will get you the hits!

SUMMARY

• Make ‘em smile.  Pick a witty username.  Make him laugh and you’re halfway up his leg.
• Avoid using numbers in your name.  It’s ambiguous, hard to remember and says nothing about you.
• Be consistent.  Don’t use FUKNHOTBLONDE if you’re looking for love.  Or COUCHPOTATO4U if you’re a hardcore partier.
• Formula #1:  Use sites like cliche sites to form the basis of an original idea.
• Formula #2:  Incorporate different combinations of your attributes.
• Formula #3:  Use the name of a character on TV, a book or a movie.
• Formula #4:  Use an online thesaurus to come up with unique adjectives.
• Formula #5:  Name yourself after something you feel passionate about.

 

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys