How To Deal With Your Own Cynicism
I have a friend who’s pretty much given up on finding anybody worthwhile dating. He doesn’t update his dating apps anymore, doesn’t go to gay bars, and generally avoids people outside his immediate circle of friends. He feels like dating never bought anything positive into his life.
How does he deal with this kind of cynicism?
The first thing is to take inventory. The only common denominator in your dating failures is you. Yes maybe people were cruel, maybe people ditched you or don’t pay attention to you for a variety of reasons, but you are the common thread. Take some responsibility.
It’s far more valuable to ask yourself, “What role have I played in my dating failures?” than to point the blame at someone else and have three fingers pointing back at you.
Another thing is to stop asking the question that bedevils most single gay guys: “Why can’t I find quality guys to date?” The better question to ask is, “Am I a quality guy to date?” You do not have the power to change other people but you do have the power to change yourself.
You don’t have to be positive Pollyanna but you do have to ditch the cynicism if you want to move forward. Most guys at a gay bar, upon meeting a cutie, might ask, “Can I buy you a drink?” But if you find yourself turning the question into, “Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?” then you know you have a little work to do on your cynicism.
Cynicism repels decent guys. Take inventory and make sure you’re not spraying your own personal brand of repellent on the guys you’re attracted to.