Gay Body Language Part 2: Words Lie Bodies Don’t

 

The truth leaks out of our bodies like a pockmarked water pail. As soon as we put a finger in one hole another one opens up. You may think you look calm, cool and collected, but look down– your foot’s tapping the floor like a woodpecker. You can stop it, but now look—your fingers are beating the table like a rented mule. Communication researchers call this “body leakage.” Think of your body language as the emotional version of a full bladder: At some point, you’re going to take a leak.

Sexual signals bounce all over the place whenever gay men get together, from “fuck me” to “fuck off” to everything in between. And they’re being sent with heads, eyes, arms, hands, legs, and feet. Yes, feet. Long story, keep reading.

Your body language changes when you see somebody hot. And you’re usually not aware of it.

Hidden camera studies show that a man’s posture changes when he sees somebody that turns him on. He, or more to the point, YOU, will:

• Pull in your stomach. (To look sleeker)
• Throw your shoulders back (to occupy more space)
• – Lift your head (To look taller)
• – Protrude your jaw (to look more dominant)
• Puff up your chest (to look bigger)

It’s a form of preening. So is touching or combing your hair, touching or stroking your face, smoothing your beard or mustache, flicking your hair, brushing off imaginary fluff, invisible specks of dust and rearranging your clothes. We’re like birds fidgeting with our plumage. Researchers call it “Auto-erotic signaling.” I call it the body taking a leak.

The first step to mastering your body language is to become aware that it changes when you’re around somebody who makes you homo-glycemic. You can’t undo what you don’t know you’ve done.

Body language doesn’t just reflect your inner emotions. It creates them.

Remember the Hitler salute? Keeping your palms open isn’t just critical to changing other people’s moods and attitudes; it’s critical to changing yours. This concept doesn’t just apply to your hands or your palms; it applies to everything. Think back to the last chapter–remember when my friend Anthony told me to fake a smile even though I didn’t feel like it? He was right.

Not because it’s manipulative, but because it eventually changes my mood. Burn this into your brain: The more you “fake” open and inviting gestures and expressions, the more genuinely open and inviting you’ll become.

Don’t take my word for it; test it. Cross your arms against your chest. What do you notice? After a few minutes, you’ll get quieter, more introspective and less likely to smile or laugh. It’s the body’s built-in feedback loop—‘bad mood’ body positions result in bad moods, period. It works the other way around, too.

Uncross your arms and keep your palms open for a couple of minutes. Hmm. Is that your spirit lifting or are you just happy to see me?

Remember, your gestures, expressions, movements and postures don’t just reflect your mood, they create it. This knowledge is going to be critical to getting yourself in the right headspace to meet guys.

The best way to meet and attract guys is to use open and inviting gestures.

Keeping your body open and inviting is so important to attracting guys that almost nothing else matters. If you cross your arms, for example, you might as well spray man-repellant on yourself. This goes for any gesture or movement that forms a barrier—holding your hands together, crossing your legs, closing your knees, slouching, or holding anything that blocks your chest, heart and stomach. Think of ‘closed’ body language as something that flashes a “No Vacancy” sign while ‘open’ body language changes it to “Unit Available.”

Our bodies point toward men we like and away from men we don’t.

Does he like you? Look down. Men subconsciously point with their feet. It’s our way of saying, “Hubba Hubba.” Once, I was in a coffeehouse macking on a hottie who was ignoring his friend. He turned his body toward me, made lots of eye contact, and directed most of the conversation to me.

Yet, for all those positive signs, I wasn’t feeling the vibe. My napkin fell to the floor and as I bent down to pick it up, I cursed under my breath. His feet were pointed to his friend! Sure enough, I saw them on a date a few days later. Guilty feet have got no rhythm but they never lie.

We don’t just point with our feet, of course. When we’re sitting, we tend to cross our legs

towards the men we’re attracted to and away from the guys we’re not. When we’re standing, we’ll square our hips to the guy we like and angle them to the one we’re not sure of. And when we gesture we point with our fingers, hands and forearms. Yes, forearms. Long story, keep reading.

While we point with everything, we’re the least aware of what our feet (and legs) are doing, and that’s why they’re such reliable indicators of how we’re actually feeling. Research shows that the further away the body part is from the brain, the more unaware we are of what it’s doing. That’s why we can control our facial expressions or the way we hold our shoulders easier than say, our hips or legs. If our bodies leak, our feet pour.

The biological roots to pointing are obvious—we developed legs and feet to get food or avoid becoming it. We were—and still are– always moving toward something or somebody we want or away from something or someone we don’t. That’s why foot pointing is so revealing. If Shagability’s feet are pointing toward you, congratulations.

Unless the exit door’s behind you.

Putting it Together.

These five core principles drive all the meeting and attraction techniques you’re about to discover. Keep them in mind, whether you’re the pursuer or the pursued. Just a word of warning: Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. You cannot interpret another man’s feelings with one or two gestures, movements or postures.

Just as it’s impossible to understand the meaning of “block” until you see the surrounding words (around the block; block that kick), there’s no way to understand a gesture without knowing the surrounding circumstances.

Are his arms crossed because he’s anxious or because he’s cold? Is he scratching his head because he’s confused or because he’s got dandruff? Does he have a weak handshake because he’s a submissive little mouse or because he’s a musician protecting his hand?

If the circumstances are murky, your interpretations will be too. You don’t have to be in a bad mood to cross your arms, you know. It’s exhausting to let them hang—arms weigh a lot!

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
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Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys