How To Respond To Profiles You Like
Making that first move certainly ain’t easy, especially when you realize that the boys who seems especially intriguing to you are most likely intriguing to everyone else too.
Contacting somebody behind the profile is the online version of approaching somebody you don’t know at a bar (minus the nervousness). It’s important to come across friendly and set the path to more conversation.
It’s the little things that will make the difference between hearing your inbox chime incessantly or hearing nothing but crickets. So before you reach out and hit send, make sure you follow these tips:
Keep it Short and Sweet.
Long first messages convey too much interest. Besides, what can you possibly write that won’t sound like boilerplate? As rule of thumb, your first message should be a short sentence or two.
Here’s why: It doesn’t matter. He’s going to take one look at your pictures, headline and profile and decide pretty quickly whether he wants to continue or not. The job of the first message isn’t to impress him; it’s to let him know you’re interested.
I can’t believe I have to say this but I’ve seen it happen too often not to mention it: Do not cut and paste your profile into the email and act like you just composed it. He’s not going to be impressed when he checks your profile and sees you plagiarized yourself.
Make sure it’s not all me, me, me. Your profile? It’s all about you. But now it’s time to take the spotlight off yourself and show interest in the person you are writing.
Refer to something he’s written in his profile to show that you weren’t just photo-shopping (even though you probably were!). Don’t be afraid to flatter (but don’t gush!). A well placed (but not creepy) compliment can go a long way.
Ask questions.
Always ask an open-ended question or two; they are likelier to lead to a response. This is critical. The natural response to being asked a question is to answer. So ask away. And no, “hung?” is not an acceptable question!
Stay positive.
Be positive and upbeat. This is not the time to impress him with the fact that nothing impresses you. Don’t kvetch, complain or bitch. That’s for later, when you’re married to him.
Watch your mouth.
Nothing will get you tagged faster as an “asshole” than making comments about politics, religion or race. Don’t do it. Avoid irony and sarcasm too. It rarely translates well on text, especially between strangers.
Let’s talk about this funny thing a bit more. You’re probably thinking, “Yeah, I can be sarcastic or funny as long as I use an emoticon so he’ll know I’m kidding.” Let me tell you something, if you have to use an emoticon to let somebody know you’re being funny, you’re not being funny. And the risk of trying to be funny –on text, to a complete stranger – is that you’ll come across as cheesy or worse, insulting.
Spell Check!
Imagine getting a text like this: “Hi. Thanks for righting. You seam grate.” Or worse: “Congradualations! I love you’re prophyle. Would you like to get some brekfiss with me sometime?”
A text or email with bad grammar is going to get you an instant delete or at the very least, a slow response. If you’re that bad at grammar, put it through spell check!
Sending a first email with a misspelling is like showing up to a date with your shoelaces untied. If you’re an awful speller, be up front about it. I have a friend who’s dyslexic who likes to write this on his header: “I’ll buy you a drink for every typo.”
Personalize Your Message.
Don’t be a copy and paste dater. Always read their profile to pick up some information. If you see something interesting, pull it apart, tease him or simply relate something he said to what you’ve experienced.
Try To Get Off Text or Email As Soon As Possible.
The goal of contacting somebody is to advance to the next step—a phone call or a meeting. If you keep going on email, you’re going to be very sorry. Research shows the longer you wait to advance to a phone call or meeting, the less likely it’s going to happen.
There are other reasons to get off email, text or for that matter, instant messaging. First, you’re fooling yourself if you think you can tell something about somebody by the way they write. It is not possible to bond with somebody over email or text. It’s an illusion. The only way to tell if you like somebody is to MEET THEM.
If the goal of the first contact is to express interest, the goal of the second message is to get his phone number. If he coughs up his phone number (or even his email) you’re getting a lot closer to a first meeting.
Notice I said “meeting” not “date.” You want a First Coffee or First Drink, not a First Date. A date connotes an investment of time and energy that neither one of you is probably willing to make at this point.
So how do you ask for a phone number?
Here are a few examples:
“Hey, you. I’d rather talk than type. Maybe we can carry this conversation over the phone?”
“Maybe you should give me your phone number so I can continue to tease you over the phone. Maybe you can you use your voice to redeem yourself ;>)”
“Hey, I don’t come on here much anymore. You should give me your number. That way I can tease you more efficiently.”
“Hey, my hand hurts from all this typing! Can we move this to a phone call?”
“I’m not much of an email person. I prefer to chat over the phone.”
“I want to hear the voice that goes with your fabulous typing.”
Why not offer your phone number?
You could, and as a last resort, you should. But if you put the burden of contact on them, there’s a very good chance they won’t have the guts to call.
Next week in the series: What to say in your first call or text off the app,
Gay Dating Resources
Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys