Solutions For Common Sexual Problems
Shame, confusion, fear, anger, frustration, and self-hatred. These are just a few of the emotions couples go through when they struggle with sexual problems. Here are a few thoughts that may not be unfamiliar to you:
“I feel so humiliated when I can’t get an erection that I sometimes just avoid sex.”
“I’m so ashamed of my body I can’t bear anything but the missionary position.”
“I feel like I’m not a real man because I don’t want to have sex all the time. ”
“I don’t understand how I can love him so much and want so little sex.”
Hope Is Here
Couples can turn their bedrooms into battlegrounds, declaring occasional truces but no real peace. Thankfully, it’s possible to improve your sex life. You just have to be willing to work on it.
Our experience is that some couples resolve their problems faster than others. Why? Because some understand a key concept in sexual problem solving: You’re weakend by what you’re against and strengthened by what you’re for.
If you’re against premature ejaculation (“I can’t stand my partner’s look of disappointment when I finish in a minute”), instead of for staying power (“I want to pleasure my partner until he begs me to stop. “) you’re in for a long, tough fight.
The Reframe
Being against something leaves you hopeless and helpless; being for something leaves you hopeful and optimistic.
Concentrating on what you want instead of what you don’t want is the fastest way of healing your sexual problems. This principle is all the more important when you understand that the source of most sexual problems is psychological, not medical.
They’re caused by stress, worry, and lack of knowledge, which lead to harmful interpretations and unhelpful responses.
Most couples we work with who get the most out of their problem solving didn’t think their failures were a statement of their self-worth. And neither should you. Those couples didn’t fail and say, “I’m rubbish.” They failed and said, “oh, that didn’t work. I wonder if this will.”
Free yourself from the idea that you can’t be helped. It isn’t true. You may be in pain but you don’t have to suffer. Your sex life can be infinitely better than it is right now and this series of posts will show you how to make it so.
Next week we’ll solve our first problem: premature ejaculation.