Having A Dialogue With Your Eyes

 

Okay, you’ve approached him from the side with a big smile, open palms, and a playful opener. You’ve made contact and you’re talking. Now what?

Get him to look into your eyes. There can be no emotional, physical or sexual bonding without it. Careful how you do it or he’ll trigger the trap floor underneath you and throw you into a pool of hungry sharks. You can’t hypnotize him or grab him by the ears, so how do you do it?

Align, Direct, and Reinforce.

Align your eyes and mouth so there’s a direct line to his, and then reinforce eye contact with a smile. If he’s sitting, sit. If he’s standing, stand. If he’s shorter, bend slightly. If he’s taller, grow an inch. Or maybe just accept there won’t be a direct line—whichever is easier. Once you’ve done that, get him to look into your eyes with a secret technique revealed by hidden camera studies:

Use your hands to create a visual pathway.

Cameras show that romantically interested men unconsciously use their hands to create a gaze path to their eyes. Here are a few examples of how you can do it:

1. Bring your drink up to your mouth and pause before you sip.

Hiding half your face forces his gaze up. Eyes naturally seek out eyes. You’re just giving his a little nudge.

2. Lean your face into your hands with your index finger pointing up.

If you’re sitting, put your elbow on the table with the palm up. Then lean your face into your hand, with your index finger pointing upward and the rest of your fingers near your mouth. It’s a subtle way of pointing to your eyes.

3. Gesture near your eyes.

When you’re telling a story, use lively hand movements close to the height of your eyes. For instance, hold your hands loosely, about chest level, with the bottom three fingers pointing back at yourself.

It should feel familiar—you do it whenever you’re having a good time talking to people.

Once you align and direct, don’t forget to reinforce. Every time you make eye contact, smile or laugh. Remember, your eyes can’t be the windows to your soul if no one’s looking at them.

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