How To Deal With A Low Sex Drive Part 2

How To Increase Your Sensual Potential.

Be brutal about your pleasure.  If something is not making you happy toss it out.  If you open those drawers and those panties don’t make you smile, get rid of them.  Edit things out of your life that aren’t sensually appealing.   And make sure you never throw something out without replacing it.  

Train yourself to stop whatever you’re doing and ask, “How can I get more physical pleasure out of what I’m doing?”  If you’re reading a book, put it down for a second, and add some ambiance by lighting a candle.  If you’re tired of walking into a room that depresses you, buy flowers.  In fact, get a flower budget.  The colors and fragrance will completely change your experience of the room.  Don’t wait for guys to buy you flowers.  They only do it when they want something or have done something. 

Insist on sensation.  Demand on delight.  Be merciless.  Take your clothes as an example.  Do they pull where they should lay?  Sag where they should hold you up?  Are they itchy?  Do they make you feel good?  No?  Throw them out.  

Don’t Worry About Looking Sexy.

Cultivating sensuality isn’t about making your body look the part; it’s about making it feel the love, so don’t worry about looking properly sexy. Instead, I want you to concentrate on picking out clothes that feel good against your skin.  

Want to look sexy?  Fine, just don’t wear clothes that pinch or itch.  Want to look frumpy?  Fine, as long as the baggy clothes make your skin dance in its softness.   It’s not a look we’re going for; it’s a feeling.  Remember to always buy quality.  Better to have one piece of clothing that feels luxurious against your skin than three that don’t. 

The Nose Knows.

There’s a reason why priests wave certain types of incense in a Catholic mass.  There’s a reason why department store sales people spritz cologne on you.  Smells influence your emotions.  Smells can attract or repel.  It’s important to have things that smell good on you and around you.  Add fragrance to your environment—your car, bathrooms, office.  Be surrounded by pleasant fragrances and your body will reward you with an uplifted mood.

Take Inventory of What You Like.

You can probably recite which parts of your body you don’t like in your sleep.  But I bet you can’t itemize the parts you like without scratching your head or rubbing your chin.  If you’re like a lot of men I know you’re probably thinking, “But I don’t like any part of my body!”  Trust me, you do.  Studies show that even men with extreme body dissatisfaction can point to small things they like about themselves.  

Sometimes it’s as simple as the shape of their fingers or the curls in their hair.  If you honestly can’t think of a single thing you like about yourself, you’re still not off the hook.  Pick things you feel neutral about.  

Pamper What You Like.

Now that you’ve identified what you like (or feel neutral about) it’s time to celebrate, nurture and cultivate your best assets.  For example, if you like the shape of your feet, you need to regularly treat yourself to a pedicure.  

If you like your hair you need to buy the kind of products that make it shinier, fuller, curlier or whatever it needs to enhance what it is you like about it.  This isn’t just about rewarding the body you’ve been punishing; it’s about appreciating, cultivating and experiencing sensuality.  

Remember, the goal isn’t to make you feel better about about your body; it’s to make your body feel better things.

Two Simple Questions To Light Up Your Sex Life.

Adding sensual pleasure to your everyday life requires an acute sense of awareness.  No matter where you are or what you’re doing, you should always pose this question:  “How can I make my body feel better?”  If you’re in a cubicle at work, it could be as easy as putting soft music on.  If you’re tired, it could be a foot bath.  It doesn’t matter.  

Get yourself in the habit of asking, “How can I enhance the physical sensations I’m experiencing?”  Because once you’re in the habit of asking–and delivering–what feels good, you can transfer this skill to the bedroom.  Of course, that won’t do much good if your bedroom is so messy it looks like a crime scene.

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How To Deal With A Low Sex Drive Part 1

The path to a higher sex drive starts outside the bedroom door and works its way in.  You do that by cultivating sensuality–training your body to expect, appreciate and flourish from stimulating its senses.  Doing so trains you to pay more attention to what you’re feeling than what you’re thinking–something you might have problems doing in the bedroom.  

Sensuality is a celebration of sensation.  Any sensation, even the fresh feeling of brushing your teeth.  Sensuality warms the path to sexuality and that’s why it’s so important to cultivate it.

Cultivating sensuality is the enjoyment, expression, and most importantly– pursuit— of physically pleasing sensations.  It’s easy to dismiss it as simply pampering yourself or being mindful of your surroundings.  That is definitely part of it, but we’re aiming for something that directly addresses a major fault line in men with low libido:  A decreased ability to enjoy physical sensations. 

Sensuality in many ways is the practice of letting go of criticism and judgment and surrendering thought to feeling.  You don’t judge a bath towel when you feel its softness–you simply get lost in its softness. 

When you begin to live sensually you cultivate gratitude for the pleasures your body can give you.  But the most important thing about creating a space for pleasure is that it teaches you how to be in the moment.  Pleasure–whether it’s the smell of fresh coffee beans roasting or the breeze off the bay–directs your attention from your thoughts to your feelings.

The idea isn’t to stop, smell the roses, and call it a day.  It’s to be conscious of pulling pleasure into your life on a daily basis.  Mindfulness is certainly part of it.  Yes, you should take the time to look up at the sky and notice the clouds.  Yes, you should feel the thickness and texture of a fabric, a book, or a flower petal.  Yes, you should take a languid bath.  Yes, you should drink a cup of tea with your eyes closed.  

But what I’m talking about is far more than taking a minute out of your day to center yourself.  It’s about living a consciously sensual life.  It’s about looking at every aspect of your life and reordering it to throw out what doesn’t give you pleasure and introduce things that do.  

The connection between cultivating sensuality and improving sexuality is very real.  The five senses create emotional states.  The best way to improve your mood isn’t to think pleasant thoughts; it’s to rearrange your circumstances so that your body experiences something pleasurable.   

You can try to motivate yourself to go to the gym with positive thoughts all you want, but it’ll be a lot more effective to play the kind of music that changes your mood.  It’s the same thing with sex.  It’s a lot easier to get and stay in the mood by firing up your senses than changing negative thoughts.  

Next week: How To Increase Your Sensual Potential.

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