General

It breaks my heart whenever I hear women or gay men say that there aren’t any good men over 40 left to date, because it’s just not true. Sure, it feels true when you’re sitting across the table from your blind date—a guy who wears black socks with sandals and whines about how his seventh divorce really was all his wife’s fault, because frankly, in his opinion, all women are inherently evil, gold diggers or both.

But there are a lot of decent, kind, available men over 40 who are single and looking for someone to love.

We all know that once you hit your fortieth  (err, thirtieth) birthday, you’re not going to have much luck spending every weekend hanging out in a bar, gripping a bottle of light beer, and listening to the same old jokes, meeting the same people in different clothes. When we belly up to the bar, we’re much more likely to meet that smarmy loser whose exposed silver chest hairs seem perilously likely to fall in our drinks than be the man of our dreams.

So where do you go to meet these wonderful, enlightened, please-let-them-be- attractive, minimally damaged men over 40?

[Read more…] about 5 Unexpected Places to Meet Hot Men Over 40

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Remember, round up to the nearest centimeter, not the nearest FOOT.

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Grant has finally got himself a big black ass. This after years of complaining that his own ass, which is not big and not black, won’t hold up his pants. These complaints center on the fact that somehow his cargo shorts end up around his knees as he’s lugging beer kegs back from the walk-in fridge while he bartends at The Local. Even though I personally never considered his lack of ass definition as the root of his inability to keep his pants on, Grant insisted that problem is now solved with his new ass.

“And I make better tips, too,” he noted.

Grant is not the only assless bartender at The Local. In fact, Grant claims, ass-lessness is rampant among the male employees there, so he has taken it upon himself to fix that problem. Hence the big shipment from eBay, where lately Grant has been fulfilling all of his padded-ass needs. “I got three more for myself, too,” he exclaimed. “So now I have two white ones and two black ones.”

I am relieved he is excited about his big delivery of padded asses, because this means there might be a lull in his talk about possible implants, as he obviously assumes I’d be the one to nurse him through the procedure, like I’m really gonna take time out of my life to position his bendy straws so he can suck his juice while convalescing ass-up on a special mattress. So I think the removable butt is a much better option.

“You should see me,” Grant insisted. “I’m a completely different person.”

[Read more…] about Male co-workers and their rampant ass-lessness

Why do celebrities kiss so beautifully in the movies and so badly in real life? In the cinema when the guy kisses the girl, we sigh. In real life, we groan.

It was only after writing an article about romantic chemistry and spending hours on Google trying to find pictures of passionate celebrity smooches that I realized just how bad they are.  Google “celebrity kisses” and you’ll see what I mean. You hope for something that’ll make you lean forward but what you get makes you step back. How can so many beautiful people do such a beautiful thing in such an ugly way?

Some pictures are awkward….

Some are inappropriate….

But most are about as sexy as watching paint tongue the plaster…   [Read more…] about Why do celebrity kisses suck?

If Chris Brown is anything like most batterers, his thought process was something like this: “I told her not to do it.  She knew what would happen if she did.  She did it.  What choice did I have?”

She knew what was coming.  She deserved it.

If Brown’s anything like the 40% to 70% of batterers who were themselves beaten as children or witnessed physical violence as a way to keep people in line, he doesn’t even understand that he did something wrong.

That’s how we solved problems where I come from.

If he’s anything like most batterers, Brown did what he did to exert control.   Is he not the man in the relationship?   The one who sets the rules?  The one who enforces them?  And what does a man do when the woman he loves won’t follow the rules?  He takes the law into his own hands.

She broke the rules.  She has to pay.

Maybe Rihanna didn’t break a rule or cross a line.  Maybe she simply wouldn’t listen, let alone agree, to a rule he wanted to set.

That’ll get her attention.

If Brown is like most batterers, he needed to show Rihanna who’s boss, because there can only be one person calling the shots, especially when it comes to Fill in the Blank.

I had to take control.

If he’s anything like most batterers, Brown wanted to teach Rihanna a lesson or get revenge for some slight or wrong, real or imagined.

She’s gotta pay for her mistakes.

If he’s anything like most batterers, Brown figured that physical violence or the threat of it would frighten Rihanna into doing what he wanted.

She’ll think twice before she crosses me again.

If Brown is like most batterers, he might have been desperate about keeping his woman.  And when the only tool you’ve got is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

I’ll scare her into staying.

And if he’s anything like Ike Turner, Chris Brown probably diminished what he did by saying it wasn’t that bad.  In his 2001 autobiography Ike Turner wrote: “Sure, I’ve slapped Tina … There have been times when I punched her to the ground without thinking.  But I never beat her.”

Rihanna, Tina and millions of women.

They all deserved it.

Click here to see “The Wheel of Violence,” which shows how abuse starts with put-downs, leads to threats and ends with emergency calls to the  police.

Click here to see Rihanna’s full page Cover Girl with the headline, Light Up Your Eyes

Rihanna the Floormat

If you or someone you love is in a violent relationship call the National toll-free Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to their website. http://www.ncdsv.org

The pic was leaked without authorization from LAPD, which confirmed it is authentic and is pursuing legal action against the person responsible for its release.  Thanks to towleroad who reprinted the the LAPD statement:

“The unauthorized release of a domestic violence photograph immediately generated an internal investigation. At about 7 p.m. on February 19, 2009, the Los Angeles Police  Department Media Relations Section began receiving numerous inquiries about the release of a photograph associated with a domestic violence incident that occurred on February 8, 2009,  involving entertainer Chris Brown. The photograph appeared on an entertainment website.  The photograph has the appearance of one taken during an official Domestic Violence investigation. The Los Angeles Police Department takes seriously its duty to maintain the confidentiality of victims of domestic violence.  The Department launched an immediate internal investigation and subsequently filed a personnel complaint. A violation of this type is considered serious misconduct, with penalties up to and including termination.”

I’m going to keep my comments to myself bc there are so many people saying better.   Like Whyfame at  Zimbio.com. A sampling:

Black girl lusts after Thug/Bad Boy — Thug/Bad Boy beats or mistreats girl — Wash, rinse, repeat.
How many times have we heard this story? This storyline has become all too common and you would think that it would serve as a lesson and warning to these women. Apparently the R&B; singer Rihanna was brutally beaten to a bloody pulp over the weekend in LA. The suspect turned out to be her boyfriend… Hip Hop/R&B; performer Chris Brown. From the reports… the injuries to this young woman were “horrific”. Her face was apparently left swollen and bruised. If that’s not bad enough, it has also been reported that Rihanna is not cooperating with Police and does not want to press charges against her abuser.

Her posts are great–“why do black women love thugs?”  “Even a thug asks ‘WTF?'”

Best part about her post–she won’t accept comments, cuz she doesn’t want to hear “the other side.”  As if there could be another side.  I’m with her.  WHEN IS IT OKAY TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SOMEBODY YOU LOVE?

See my collection of the ten best celebrity kisses on the internet

If this video doesn’t make you cry you’re heartless. Still, there’s an unsettling aspect to it: We’re begging for our rights. When the couples say, “please don’t divorce us” it tugs at your heart but it’s also enraging. Who else has to beg to stay married? Are we going to stand in the corner of the street with signs that say, “Will work for marriage certificate?” Is Sally Struthers going to go on TV and say, “for only twelve cents a day you can keep two gays married.”

The undercurrent to the video—as much as we loved it, is that we’re cowering in the corner begging for mercy. Persuasion through pity may work, but we can’t help but think it diminishes us.

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I didn’t make this up–I’m not that good. NASA tested 20 sex positions through computer simulation to arrive at the ten best (thanks, Hal!).  Then two guinea pigs tested them in zero gravity conditions.  Hmm, makes you wonder if the female said, “Ooh, you dirty rat!”

The money quote in the U.K.’s The Guardian:

“The issue of sex in space is a serious one,” he says. “The experiments carried out so far relate to missions planned for married couples on the future International Space Station, the successor to Mir. Scientists need to know how far sexual relations are possible without gravity.”

The article is a little dry (wait, does lube work in space?) but it poses some interesting questions:  How does gravity affect sex?   If you can’t thrust how do you deliver the payload?  After a while, will lovers think they’re drifting apart?

Here’s my favorite part of the article.  It’s referring to the guinea pigs:

“Only four positions were found possible without “mechanical assistance”.  The other six needed a special elastic belt and inflatable tunnel, like an open-ended sleeping bag.”

Clearly, these  guinea pigs were on loan from Hugh Hefner.[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]