General

If you can’t master the keys on the phone you’re never going to get the keys to his door.

Studies show the average person sends or receives over 100 texts a year. If you’ve met somebody you’re interested in, you’ve gotta learn the art of going from textual to sexual.

“Hey, what’s up?”

You may as well have texted:

Not only are you announcing that you’ve got the personality of a Kansas zip code, you’re leaving him in the awkward situation of creating the value for a conversation you started.

If you start a text thread don’t ask for value; deliver it.

Your goal shouldn’t be to start a conversation. It should be to bring a smile to their face. Be quirky, fun, observational. Which text would you rather get:

“Hi, how are you?”

Or

[Read more…] about How to use Texts like a Pheromone.

That means double trouble in Clinton, Montana where an estimated 10,000 people wheeled in to the 14th annual Testicle Festival to eat two tons of bull balls. Apparently, everybody’s gagging for the $5 sampler plate, there being a recession and all.

I haven’t gone to the festival myself, but I wonder…If you drank some tea to wash it down, would they call it teabagging?

Alexander Skarsgard, otherwise known as “Eric Northman” on HBO’s hit series “True Blood,” embodies the dark eroticism and just raw sexuality that the disturbing theme song promises in the open credits. He is everywhere right now, Google his name or any variation and you’ll get millions of hits.

What makes the blonde, blue eyed Swede so magnetic as an improbable character-a thousand year old viking- in yet another cheesy vampire themed show? I have no idea really, but I’m buying into it and so is everyone else I know. Vampires are everywhere right now, from the “Twilight” series of books and movies, to the popularity of authors such as Charlaine Harris (creator of the “True Blood” characters in her “Sookie Stackhouse” series), J.R. Ward (Black Dagger Brotherhood), Sherrilyn Kenyon, Laurel Hamilton, and of course the God Mother of strange sexuality; Anne Rice.

This isn’t new though. Our thirst for the forbidden erotic started with a female demon from the Talmud named Lillith. Purported to be the first wife of Adam, she was portrayed in later scripture as a highly sexualized vampire like creature, a succubus, that came upon men in the night and drained them of their essence.  Against their will, of course.

Later, Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu and Bram Stoker further branded vampires in the public consciousness as deliverers of the ultimate sexual pleasure. Bringing this imagery to film only heightened the fascination we have for the undead. Ever notice that instead of a wince of pain as Dracula sank his fangs into a neck, that the victim looked transported into orgasmic ecstasy?

[Read more…] about Why America is Baring its Throat for Alexander Skarsgard.

Re:  The opening scene–how many ex-boyfriends have you daydreamed of doing this to?

“I Do.” But first, let’s dance.

Wide-On. noun. A slang term denoting a state of female sexual interest and arousal.

Ex: “Though I prefer rougher trade than this world famous singing quartet, I have to admit they are very pretty to look at.”

I put another hottie on hold this week to feature the phenomenon that is “Il Divo”. My friend, The Peach Tart, mentioned going to see them at the fabulous Fox Theatre this week. I told her if she got backstage to try to get pictures for me. I combed the web looking for naked shots of them, but instead just got caught up in naked pictures of lots of other men.

It happens. Though it happens to me a lot. You look at one, then two, then the next thing you know you’ve spent four hours looking at naked men and your post hasn’t even got a title yet.

Anyway, if anyone has the charm to get backstage it’s her. I’ll take underwear shots, shirtless, shoeless, or whatever she can get. Boy, whoever does their PR must have a team of hundreds checking the web for inappropriate images. I promise you that I could get naked pictures of the Pope before I find one of these guys.

Some body’s holding out.

Have a wonderful weekend,

Love and Kisses,

Cult Diva

Bitch Took My Career

Rapper-Batterer Chris Brown released this video a few hours ago. Was it a sincere attempt to make amends or a calculated attempt to reduce punishment at his sentencing hearing next month?

All things considered, I’d say this video is a good thing. We can’t insist that he apologize, make amends and get help (so that it doesn’t happen again) and then blast him when he seems to have done that. Sometimes it’s hard to make a distinction between a genuine request for forgiveness and an I’ll-do-anything-to-save-my-career move. Most likely, this video does both. Chris Brown needed to do something dramatic for his two core constituents:

A) The judge who’s about to sentence him. Brown needs to show him real contrition or he’ll risk serious punishment.

B) The parents of teenage girls who go to his concert. Brown’s core audience is 13-17 girls. The real money isn’t in CD sales; it’s in concert tickets. But what parent is going to send, let alone drive their daughters to an Ike Turner “How to treat your woman” music festival?

I suppose he’s earned another chance. This video screams, “I’M SORRY.” Still, I can’t help but think the subtext whispers,

Rihanna the Doormat

What Chris Brown was Thinking When He Beat Rihanna

CNN did a poignant piece on Harry and Pepper, two male penguins who broke up after living together for six years and raising a penguinnete.  Harry, the bastard, moved out of their nest and get this…moved in with a floozy named Linda!   That’s cold.  Ice cold.

Bitch took my honey. The scheming Linda lured Harry away from Pepper after her husband died (her hubby died of natural causes; zoo keepers dismissed any notion of fowl play).  Harry simply moved in with Linda and never looked back, which he always did when he was on all fours making love to Pepper.

If that bit of psycho-drama wasn’t enough, Linda laid two eggs with Harry!  Pepper was fried when he heard the news.  He waddled over to Harry’s new crib but the new couple threatened to put him in the endangered species list, “moving” as zookeepers noted, “aggressively toward Pepper.”

Krill me now. Poor Pepper.  How does he get over Harry?   Here’s my 8-point Plan: [Read more…] about Gay penguins break up.

The results of Trojan’s nationwide sex survey shows show that Americans are living in Lake Wobegon– where all the women are strong, the men are good looking, and the sex is above average. Yes, the average American believes they have an above average sex life.

I usually ignore corporate-sponsored sex studies not just because the methods are suspect and the conclusions self-serving, but also because they make people like me spell out the name of the sponsor. Still, this one’s delicious. Two categories caught my eye–Sexual Frequency by City and Rates of Sexual Satisfaction by City.

Atlanta (my hometown) pounded San Francisco on both counts. According to the survey, the folks in Atlanta have a lot more sex than the folks in San Francisco, and the sex we’re having is a lot more satisfying. Take a look.

Apparently, there’s a lot of wood in the city carved out of the forest. If the results are to be believed (the city figures were done through online surveys which tend to be self-selective rather than random) the question becomes WHY? Why would a southern, sleepy town have more sex than Sodom & Gomorrah?

[Read more…] about Atlanta pounds San Francisco in sex survey.