General

Being a sex columnist and a former marketing executive, I just love this hilarious parallel.

1. You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him
 and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”


That’s Direct Marketing.



2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of 
your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in
 bed.”

That’s Advertising.



3. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone 
number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”


That’s Telemarketing.



[Read more…] about How Sex Explains “Marketing.”

  

A while ago when Tina Fey was hosting SNL, one of the other comedians hugged her and said, “Hey, what do you have on under there, bike shorts?” I was holding in a laugh because that is such genius writing about the nature of man-to-female interaction in regards to Spanx.

I am not afraid to admit I have some Spanx. The black fuller bike-type shorts are my faves, but when spring is here, they are too dark and bulky to go under thin wisps of silk. I also have nude Spanx briefs. They work like a charm, smoothing out unsightly bulges while keeping away dreaded panty lines.

But while they make us way more presentable, there is a problem with them that is never discussed. You are going on a date and want to look svelte. You throw on some ghastly and hideously ugly nude Spanx and you are transformed. But what if you look so good that the date gets a little farther than anticipated? How does one get undressed when in Spanx?

[Read more…] about Dating in the Age of Spanx

I’m in the middle of reading the best “No Help” (as opposed to Self Help) book out there–Barbara Ehrenreich’s “Bright-Sided, How The Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America.

As a recovering Positive Thinker, I’ve come to realize that positive thinking, while preferable to whiny, pessimistic thinking, doesn’t do squat to make you healthier or more prosperous. I think Bright-Sided is going to start a torrential backlash of new books and columns giving Positive Thinking a black eye.

Exhibit A: Christina Patterson’s column in The Huffington Post (“Why Negative Thinking Makes The World a Better Place”). Here’s the money quote:

“There’s a lot to be said for negative thinking. Not only because it spares people the tooth-grinding irritation of Pollyannaish predictions of eternal sunshine based on precisely nothing (and usually coupled with the aggressive assertion that they’re “good”) whose chief aim is to imply that you’re rivals in a competition that they’re winning, but simply because it makes the world a better place. It makes the world a safer place and a nicer one.

And the experts, apparently, agree. “Whereas positive mood seems to promote creativity, flexibility, co-operation and reliance on mental shortcuts,” says a professor of psychology in this month’s Australian Science Journal, “negative moods trigger more attentive, careful thinking, paying greater attention to the external world.” People “in negative mood,” he concludes, can cope with more demanding situations than their sunny neighbours and are “less prone to judgmental errors, more resistant to eyewitness distortions and better at producing high-quality, effective persuasive messages.”

Glenn Morrison wrote and edited state laws for his boss, Georgia Legislative Counsel Sewell Brumby.  Then one day, he walked in as Vandy Beth Glenn, wearing a knee-length black skirt and a red turtleneck sweater.

Poof! Just like that, Glenn became Vandy.  And got fired.   Vandy is transgendered, diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder, a psychiatric classification signaling conflict with your biological sex.  She couldn’t stand “fronting” at the office while she lived privately as a woman, so she came out.  On Halloween no less!  If she was confused about her gender she was positively clueless about her timing. [Read more…] about The Government Lawyer Who Fired His Transgendered Employee Had a Point.

I grew up during the peak of the Star Wars fad and had I not been genetically predisposed to favor my He-Man toys over my Chewbacca action figure, I might’ve paid more attention to space. I only knew of it what they said about it at the beginning of Star Trek, that it was “the final frontier.” Space was something confusing, big, and daunting. Who needed it? Well, as it turns out, most of us do.

Actual space, the space above us where the sun burns and galaxies collide, is a complicated mass of mathematics and physics. I have spent most of this year studying a microcosm of space, the space that exists between humans. Although not quite as overwhelming and endlessly possible as actual space, the space that human beings require can be just as complicated and is equally affected by numbers and science.

They say that actual space is relative, like time, and so indeed is human space. People need space, although at varying degrees. I spent two months living out of a suitcase in two of my friends’ living room. One of them needed little space at all and the sight of my unemployed ass sitting idly on the sofa when he got home from work was a welcome one. The other friend required much more space, actually the specific space in which I’d been sleeping, and he jumped for joy when I finally moved on and he was able to reclaim the couch as his.
[Read more…] about Why describing how much space you need in a relationship is like describing your own genitalia.

Sometimes I wonder how the framers of the Constitution would react to Maine’s vote this Tuesday on whether gay people should keep their right to marry.

I’m pretty sure Jefferson would weep.

And the others would share his hankie. For this must be the founding father’s nightmare: Seeing one group of Americans go into the voting booth to take away the rights of another.

This Tuesday, Maine citizens will vote on whether gay people should retain the right to marry as per a state law that currently allows them to do so. The last poll shows that people who want to take away that right are winning 51-47. That’s still within the margin of error, but at this point it doesn’t look good. The fat lady ain’t sung, but she’s clearing her voice.

Frankly, I don’t know which would be worse–voting to repeal or uphold the state law allowing gay marriage. No matter which way you vote, you’ve wiped your feet on the Constitution.

There is only one thing worse than voting to deny somebody their rights: Voting to give it to them. Because the very idea that you have the power to grant or deny somebody the rights you enjoy negates the ideal of the Constitution–that all men are created equal. (Women, too, but let’s not quibble).

How can I be equal to you if you get to vote on my relationship? How can you be equal to me if I have the power to set the government against you? No matter what side you’re on, no matter what the result of the final tally, voting is the enemy of equality.

As Maine voters hover in the voting booth reading the Proposal that will affect the lives of millions of their fellow citizens, I wonder if it will occur to any of them to think: “I shouldn’t have the right to vote on somebody else’s rights.”

I’m gay and not sold on gay marriage

Where does gay marriage rank in the top ten reasons why heterosexuals divorce?

Should you lie on the profiles of gay dating sites if you know you don’t fit with what most guys are looking for? Few profiles ever say, FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL, but they may as well for all the hits you’re going to get. Yes your interests include gardening and cooking. Does that make you Martha Stewart? Should you lie and change you interests to wrestling and bowling? Or should you just state flat-out, “I’m a raving, flaming queen who deserves a little respect…and a date once in a while!”

The truth is, just because you should never lie about things that matter doesn’t mean you can’t put those matters in the best possible light. Instead of saying, “I’m a raving queen” why not say, “My closet door is so open it’s practically hanging off its hinges.” Instead of saying, “My favorite song is YMCA,” why not say, “My favorite chant is, We’re Here, We’re Queer, and We Don’t Like Your End Tables!” In other words, keep it funny. Make them laugh and you’re halfway up their legs.

The same “should I lie” question applies to Goths. No, you’re not some gigantic land whale or drooling three-armed trout-man but you are gay Goth in a world in which if you aren’t “normal ” then you’re a freak to be ignored.  You’ve tried the Goth clubs but they tend to have quality control problems and when you go to regular clubs, you end up being a one man Leper Colony.  Same online.

What to do? Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to meeting someone but you don’t want to jump out and say, “Oh, by the way, I look like the love child of Bella Lugosi and Sixouxsie Sioux.” How do you get more hits on the gay internet sites and convince prospects that it’s not their blood you want to suck?

Let’s face it, the rising popularity of tanning booths did nothing for you guys. You could put your Goth pics up but your hit rate would fall faster than Marie Antoinette’s guillotine.

I put “Goth” in Manhunt’s search engine and got only 4 ads within a 50-mile radius of Manhattan. Imagine what it is in other cities. Clearly, Goths are not in high demand. My advice: Post your regular pics—the ones that wouldn’t scare the moss off a rock and introduce the subject lightly, like this one guy did in his profile: “I’m shy, a bit of a loner, but sweet, like to hang out, drive around in my car, and have fun. I’m into the Goth scene, like dark clothes and dark music. Looking for friends, maybe more.” It doesn’t matter whether you’re into Goth or something really embarrassing, like Paris Hilton; your best bet is to put it into context so it doesn’t feel so threatening.

The bottom line: Tell the truth. But tell it well.

Mike Alvear is the author of the first body language book for gay men, Attract Hotter Guys With the Secrets and Science of Sexual Body Language. Available for instant download at http://www.mikealvear.com/ebook.

From Sovo.com

Officer Dani Lee Harris, LGBT liaison for the Atlanta Police Deparment and one of the grand marshals for the Atlanta Pride Parade, said today she will not wear her uniform during the parade due to backlash from the Sept. 10 police raid on the Atlanta Eagle, a gay bar.

Harris said her 10-year-old son, who will ride in the parade with her, was concerned about her safety.

“My biggest concern is the safety of my son and out of respect for him I will swallow my pride,” she said.

Harris intended to wear her uniform in the parade despite outcry from some who were angered by her selection as a grand marshal. The Atlanta Pride Committee selected Harris before the raid but announced the selection afterward.

“I’m flabbergasted,” she said today. “Why people can’t realize this is about 21 officers out of 1,700 officers, and [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][the raid] is still under investigation. But I will come out of uniform.

“They got this one,” she said of those angered by her being a grand marshal. More in Sovo.com

One thing…the sovo article rather surprised me. I expected Pride to have a conciliatory tone, extending an olive branch and yet there was nothing silence (though to be fair, it’s late breaking news and maybe they couldn’t be reached). And Harris seemed positively ANGRY about the whole thing. Couldn’t she just have said, “While I don’t agree with the protesters I understand their point and out of respect for them and a desire to bring the community together I’ve decided not to wear my uniform.”

?????

But let’s not quibble on the how when we got the what. And the what is a compromise that takes into account the understandable feelings of the men who were victimized by the police at The Eagle.

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Pride Goeth Before The Fall

Six weeks ago, the Atlanta police threw everybody in a gay bar called The Eagle–including sixty year old men–to the ground, handcuffing them face down on the floor (many were laying on broken glass), confiscating their IDs, and shouting homophobic slurs. After two hours, they finally let everyone go. Without a single arrest of the patrons.

Stonewall anyone?

So it came as quite a shock when the Atlanta Pride Committee named the city’s gay police liaison as co-grand marshal of the quarter million person+ parade (coming up this weekend). On the 40th anniversary of Stonewall, no less.

The Pride Committee had actually selected the officer before the unconstitutional police raid but announced it afterward. Indeed, the gay liaison, Dani Lee Harris, was an admirable choice BEFORE the raid. But after? Especially after Harris was booed when she defended the police raid at a city hall rally?

It’s like asking Chris Brown’s publicist to lead a march against domestic violence. Complete with parade organizers telling us to put a little makeup over the black and blues and man up.

Shut Up, Rihanna. It Wasn’t That Bad. With it’s insistence that Harris remain as [Read more…] about Atlanta Pride Committee Throws Eagle Raid Victims Under the Bus.