General

This week, Gawker, in its continuing commitment to be super-servicey to the snarky set, linked to a wham-pow New York City Craigslist rant. If you have never checked out the rants on the dreaded CL, they are usually boring, poorly written and offensive.

But not this one. Foster Kamer from Gawker touted it as, “Craigslist Rant of the Week” in his posting:  In Recognition of Our City’s Amateur Scribes: The Winter of Our Cock Deficiency , and I agree.

Craigslist rants last only seven days, so I’m going to paste in the text of it for your perusal:

1) You do not know how to fuck. I understand it isn’t your fault you have a really short cock, but by 36 years old, one would think you’d learn how to use it.

2) Along those lines, you selfishly never even tried to go down on me once and one would think if one had a cock deficiency one would at least try to compensate by going another route.

3) Most women would NEVER go out with a guy who couldn’t even pay for one date. Instead of being grateful, you act even more pathetic by being cold.

4) There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a waiter, and that is what you are. Not a published writer or famed artist. A waiter. Own it. You are a waiter that has some great hobbies: writing, drawing, painting, and skiing.
[Read more…] about Craig’s List Best Rant of The Year: “The Winter of Our Cock Deficiency.”

Ah, the speed of it all. Surely you’ve heard of Eight Minute Dating by now. But what about the Eight Minute Relationship? The Eight Minute Non-Date. In this day of email and text messaging, sometimes relationships–even romantic ones–start and stop without even one audible word. It’s really as simple as a decision between SEND and DELETE.

We feel so close to another person, can see their pictures, can chat with them quickly everywhere with seemingly no one to witness. But there are witnesses; it’s all documented. So great to copy and paste an IM to a friend to show EXACTLY how the dialogue went down. To pinpoint exactly at what click the clicking ceased.

Take for example, the story of how Mike and I met a party on Saturday. [Read more…] about The Eight Minute Relationship.

This is an amazing photo essay on the lost art of bed jumping and how it can turn you into a kid. I look at my own bed and think, “it’s too nice a bed to jump on it–I’ll break the frame.”

Which tells me I need a new bed…

For more…

Dear Sexorcist:
Why won’t my boyfriend let me see him naked? Sometimes after sex, he will sleep naked, but if he ever gets out of bed, he’ll immediately cover up. We’ve been together for five months, and we have yet to shower together. I just hate that he seems to feel so shy around me. I’m pretty open about being naked which he seems to enjoy a lot, but I’d like a little reciprocation here! I would bring it up, but I just don’t want to risk embarrassing him or making him even more self-conscious. What should I do here? On a side note, he does have a bit of an issue with premature ejaculation, but we’ve figured out how to cope with that. The sex is actually amazing for me, and he says it’s the best sexual chemistry he has ever had as well.

–Puzzled

Dear Puzzled:
Sounds like he’s got an advanced case of modesty. Nudity can make people feel emotionally exposed and it’s almost always manifested in a feeling of inferiority. You know, like waiting for a good table at Bacchanalia.

The modesty typically starts with a home indoctrination of nudity as a fully clothed wrong. Sometimes it’s a result of being ashamed of some characteristic—a birthmark that attracts unwanted attention, a flaccid penis that looks like a baby cashew, or a hair pattern that makes your genitalia look like the last chicken in the shop.

Sometimes trauma powers the modesty into full-blown body shame. Like mine, for example. When I was a teen my brother asked me, “Hey, would you wear shoes if you had no feet?” I said of course not. “Then why,” he asked, “Are you wearing a jockstrap?”

My point, and I do have one, is that… Click here to read more

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By now you’ve probably heard the sordid details of Tiger Woods alleged affairs with cocktail waitress Jamiee Grubbs, New York city nightclub hostess Rachel Uchitel, and Las Vegas party planner Kalika Moquin.

The scandal comes as a bit of a surprise to his many fans, especially considering his squeaky-clean image.

Here are details so far, in case you missed anything:

On November 27, Tiger crashed his Cadillac Escalade outside his Florida home. There have been a number of reports that Tiger and his wife Elin were arguing over a text message. There has also been some speculation as to whether Elin bashed out Tiger’s car window with a golf club to “rescue” him from his car as has been claimed, or was, er, bashing his window with a golf club for some other reason.

Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik introduced Tiger Woods to his wife Elin Nordegren in 2001, while she was working for Parnevik’s family as an au pair, “We probably thought he was a better guy than he is. I probably would have to apologize to her and hope she uses a driver next time rather than a three-iron, I would say.”

Why do (seemingly) nice guys cheat?

Cheaters usually fall into two categories: [Read more…] about Tiger Woods: Why Nice Guys Cheat.

This video on my YouTube Channel angers so many people I was shocked to get an email from YouTube saying its popularity makes it eligible for their revenue-producing Partnership Program. At only 55,000 views I couldn’t figure out why they were interested. And then I saw the number of comments: Nearly 1,800!

The video was submitted as part of a video sharing site I once ran. It’s actually my favorite of all that I received. Not because I agree or disagree with the content but because it’s so oddly compelling.

“Rejection is the greatest aphrodisiac.” I’d like to pretend that I’m wildly smart and that I learned this from having studied one of the world’s greatest philosophers. But I’d be lying. I know this because it’s a line from a Madonna song. I have not studied Socrates, but I know my Madge.

I don’t know why human beings are so drawn to things that reject them. Animals don’t even bother obsessing over stuff that they can’t have. It’s basic human instinct to want things you aren’t supposed to want. And the guaranteed way to make someone want something is to deny them that. If you’ve ever experienced a preacher’s kid’s Freshman year away at college, exposed freely and suddenly to things like booze and sex, then you know exactly what I mean.

Rejection is a vicious thing that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I often think that the reason I never got into politics wasn’t my seedy past or lack of ambition, but my overwhelming disdain of rejection. [Read more…] about When You’re Better Than The Guy Who Dumped You.

Dear Sexorcist:

– Baffled in Buckhead

Dear Baffled:
I’d start out by saying, “You look a little anemic. How about some iron?”

Listen, the difference between conquest and seduction is salesmanship, so pretend you’re selling him a joyride in a stolen car. You know, the one with the leaky oil pan.

It’s a joyride a lot of men like to take, over and over. Between the additional lubrication and the pelvic congestion everything is warmer, wetter, and wilder. In fact, too wild. It feels so good a lot of men turn into Two Pump Chumps.

Still, sex during menstruation can make a man’s blood run cold. Diplomacy is key. Saying, “You can swim in the lake but you can’t drink the water” will be a lot more effective with a shy boyfriend than, “I want you to fuck the blood out of me.”

But really, you don’t need words. Give him a Category 5 blowjob and he’ll be begging you to let him pull the tampon out. Seriously, go in like you’re taking a scuba lesson and his objections will trickle away. It’s called the Bridge Technique. You get him hot and bothered with one sex act and “bridge” the objections into the next one.

Don’t leave anything to chance, though. Be prepared. Here’s my list:

Read the rest of this column…

Update on the police raid of The Eagle: Civil rights attorney Daniel Grossman convinced Lambda Legal, the gay civil rights organization that focuses on impact litigation, to help represent patrons who were victimized in the police raid of the The Eagle, a gay bar in Atlanta. Grossman’s quote says it all:

“Imagine if the police walked into a Wal-Mart and see someone shoplifting, and because they see what they think is a crime taking place in Wal-Mart, they take everyone at Wal-Mart, throw them on the floor, spread their legs, put their hands in their pockets, take their IDs, put their name in the computer, simply because they’re out of place or someone else may or may not be doing something wrong.”

For more on the story: CNN.

For the legal implications of the case–and more importantly, to donate money or support to the legal defense– visit Grossman’s site at Atlantaeagleraid.com.