General

Dear Sexorcist,

I have always felt like a guy. I don’t own a stitch of women’s clothing. In low light I can “pass,” hiding my small breasts and wearing a “packy” (I can’t stand the way my jeans look without it).

Basically, I’m a female-bodied guy who wants to have sex with a gay guy. Not a straight guy. I want a man-on-man experience. Although my relationship history is mostly with women, I’m now into fags and femmes. With this profile I obviously don’t get laid very often.

My question is, how do I get the gay male experience that I want? There’s a safety risk because nothing pisses people off worse than people like me who fuck with gender. What if big Daddy Trick wants me to drop trou so he can bang me from behind? (Hey, a guy can dream!)

I’m so ready to suck a guy off that I’ve lined up a hookup with a straight guy. I’ll either allow myself to experience my feminine side (every guy has one, right?) or close my eyes and pretend he’s a fag. Maybe he will at least call me “faggot.” (Hey, a guy can dream!)

What I really want to do is fuck a guy in the ass. Is that too much for female-bodied guy to ask? How do I proceed? This isn’t just a bucket list item– it’s a real desire I have sublimated for way too long.

— Packing in the Perimeter

Dear Packing:

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Following a successful test launch of its pilot episode last summer, Glee has accelerated into the critical/popular hit debut series of the 2009 television season, a rocking confection that has achieved the wondrous feat of making musical theater look hip, mainstream, and sexily redemptive, empowering theater queens of every age, race, creed, sexual orientation, and landmass shape to embrace their inner “Liza with a Z” and let the sequins fall where they may. Let none dare call them sissy.

Click here for the full column

Are The Rules really so bad?  Sure, there are some for whom following their own path worked out just fine. They were who they were, which in and of itself made them that much more attractive and appealing, and they found someone who appreciated their choice to walk their own path. Yes, it absolutely happens. No question. But don’t you think those women had their own rules? And are they “The Rule” (see what I did there?) or an exception to “The Rules.”

Were The Rules themselves so offensive? Or was it the idea that women were being advised to change or soften their behavior? And is suggesting that a woman soften her behavior really so bad?

I’ve been told my whole life that I needed to round off my sharp edges. My experience has been that when I have, I’ve caught more flies with honey than with vinegar. Know what? I didn’t feel like I was settling or compromising in anyway. Who I inherently was did not change. What changed was how other people (men and women) perceived me.  Since we can not control other people’s perceptions of us, isn’t it always best to err on the side of caution rather than to assume people should take us or leave us as is? [Read more…] about Is Rounding Off Your Sharp Edges to Attract Men Too Much of a Compromise?

Several years ago, I had a column for the New York Press, aptly called, “Outside the Box.” One of the first things I wrote about was how getting a bad haircut could have adverse effects on your dating life. At the time, I had just gotten uneven, too-short bangs that made me look, um, challenged. You can read it: HERE.

Grooming continually plays a big role in dating and in being attractive to others. Something as small as an errant hair can make or break your game. Articles have been written ad nauseum about too much hair below the belt or lack thereof on the head, but even harder to disguise are mishaps right above the eyes. Lately, I’ve been noticing some other hairy issues that could also affect one’s romantic and social life that are thankfully far easier to fix than a too-short do:  BAD EYEBROWS. [Read more…] about If your eyebrows look like commas, it’s time to put a period on them.

I recently had to give my Fuck Buddy the boot. It’s been almost 7 years since we first started..er..fuck buddying. For the most part we had a pretty good run of it. It was low drama, we got along, the sex was good. No, great. (..pauses to think wistfully of the sex..) But something happened recently. We took a turn. The sex part was less frequent. Sure, this was still oral and orgasms had by all. But the actual intercourse wasn’t happening. Instead we spent a lot of time..talking. And cuddling. That’s all well and good. But it wasn’t…real.

In the light of day, when we were apart, I wasn’t seeing that consideration or tenderness. There was no talking about our private thoughts and fears and day to day goings on. Out of bed, we were pretty much strangers. He’d text and I’d ignore him, I’d text and he’d brush me off. We rarely planned our little trysts. They were typically last minute. He’d shoot me a text at midnight or I’d send him one at one am. There was no structure. But when we’d get together, you’d think we were boyfriend and girlfriend. No. We were just playing those roles. Pretending. The thing is, it’s really easy to get used to that. [Read more…] about Do Fuck Buddies Keep You From Having a Real Relationship?

#1 Area 51 Love Doll.

This inflatable beauty features, and I quote from their ad copy, “A pussy-shaped mouth, 3 supple breasts, suction cup fingers and ass-shaped ears make it the kinkiest love slave in the galaxy.”

#2 Baby Jesus Butt Plug

Anything I say will send me to hell, so I’m taking a pass.

#3 Houdini Locking Steel Cock Chastity

Sure, slap ten pounds of steel onto my penis so I can’t pee or masturbate–I got a few hours to kill. The ratcheting handcuff is a nice touch, I must say.

4. Anal Speculum

A game changer for the sadistic proctologist inside you.

5. Rubber Fisting Mitten

To the elbow? That’s a bunch of crap.

[Read more…] about Top Ten Most Disturbing Sex Toys.

What’s the sound of one hand typing? If you’ve ever wondered what sex questions people type into a search box, gird your loins; here it is:

1. How Do I Find My PC Muscles?
2. Does Penis Size Matter?
3. How Much Masturbation Is Too Much Masturbation?
4. Can You Alter Vaginal Taste?
5. Do Penis Pumps Permanently Enlarge Your Penis?
6. How Long Does Sex Usually Last?
7. Can You Tell When a Man Is Going to Ejaculate?
8. How Can I Tell If I’ve Had an Orgasm?
9. How Do I Measure Up?
10. Is It Okay to Watch Porn?

“Intense or Intimidating?” blares the headline of Entertainment Weekly’s Pop Watch blog. Referencing photographer Annie Leibowitz saying she tried to capture Woods’ focus, blogger Adam Markovitz writes, “But is “focus” what comes across here? Tiger’s expression also seems more than a little menacing to me, but maybe that’s just a result of the fallen sports idol’s post-scandal image?”

Actually, that’s not why he looks so “menacing” or “intimidating.” It’s because he looks completely black. We’re only used to seeing Tiger as a mixed race athlete (is he white? black? asian?) in conservative golf clothing bathed in flattering sunlight. But this picture shows him shirtless with a black cap, closed fists and darkish lighting. And with a look that says, “Where the white women at?”

He doesn’t look like the focused athlete we once loved; he looks like the guy you’re afraid of when you lock the door at night. Did Vanity Fair mug the athlete of the century with an unfair portrayal? Did they capture the real Tiger Woods? Or did they simply hold up a mirror to the country?

Jonah Falcon’s penis was measured at 13.5″ in an HBO special ten years back. He talks about his inability to get a job here.

How does this reflect the struggle of every day people in a job-free recovery? It doesn’t. It just proves how hard up I am to put a, erm, “face” on the plight of the jobless.

Right. Anyway, Falcon claims his penis is 8.5 inches soft. If you want to read one of the most entertaining penis size descriptions I’ve ever seen, stand back and get a load of this excerpt from a 2003 interview he granted to Rolling Stone:

Jonah Falcon’s penis is 9.5 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect. Tense your forearm. Now wrap your hand around the middle of the muscle. That is the girth of Falcon’s erection. Those who have witnessed it describe it as “grotesque,” “gorgeous,” “hideous” and “stunning.” Falcon, who stands five foot nine, thinks his penis is perfectly formed, with a fifteen-degree downward curvature at the six-inch mark and absent the blotching, lumpiness and sudden bends that mark some oversize sex organs. A penis this size functions, physiologically, like any other, according to urologists, a claim substantiated by Falcon. His balls are proportionately huge, each the size of a grade-A jumbo egg. When erect, Falcon’s penis generates enough heat to warm hands — campfire style — from a distance of six inches.

Was he really almost 14 inches erect? [Read more…] about Man with biggest penis ever recorded can’t get a job.