Like A Pornstar

Like A Pornstar

How to answer when he asks how many men you’ve slept with.

Don’t. He’s not looking for a verdict, not a number.

From a reader:

I’m a 19-year-old college student that kinda went crazy during my freshman year, mostly with the help of Manhunt.  I’m tested frequently for HIV and the normal cocktail of STD’s but have never contracted anything.   A lot of guys have been asking how many people I’ve been with, lately.  A year ago, I would have proudly responded that I’ve only been with 4 guys…but now you’d have to add a 0 on the end of that 4 just to get close.  Normally, when it bothers someone that I’ve been with that many people, their concern is not that I’m a blown-out whore, but that they’ll get an STD.  I have always practiced safer sex (condoms, not swallowing) and I’ve even gotten into the habit of not letting guys finish in me.  I get tested every few months or so in spite of my practices and the fact that I have no signs and symptoms of any STDs.  I’m talking to a guy right now that I’m crazy interested in, but am scared that if he asks me how many guys I’ve been with he’ll be scared off.  When judgment day comes, what should I tell this new guy?  Help!

-Healthily Oversexed

Dear Oversexed:

The answer’s the same if he asked you how much money you made: 

[Read more…] about How to answer when he asks how many men you’ve slept with.

From Gay Terrorist To Thoughtful Writer.

Jonathan Lerner as a founding member of the Weather Underground in the 70s (left). Today, as a writer and urban design consultant. His new book is out now.

My good friend Jonathan Lerner, a writer whose musings on food, art and design is known to millions of minions, released his second novel last month. Steadfastly refusing to write an autobiography about his time in the Weather Underground (pissing off those of us who are fascinated with the Timothy McVeighs of the Left), he wrote, instead, a novel set in the time period. Here’s a great description from Artscriticsatl.com:

Lerner’s second novel, “Alex Underground,” plays out against this tumultuous era of American history. Alex and his comrade-in-arms, Doug, members of the fictitious Raucous Caucus, instigate a violent incident on campus, then run away to evade arrest. Eventually they flee to Canada, take a ship to Castro’s Cuba, toil in the hot sun for a couple of months in homage to the Communist ideal, then make their way to a decaying Havana. Here, too, begins Alex’s personal quest as a repressed gay man desperate to uncork his homosexuality, deeply in love with his charismatic straight friend.

When he and Doug separate for security reasons, Alex is bereft of the object of his passions and the novel’s emotional core dissolves. Alex’s solitary travels through Europe see him struggling to reckon with his sexual identity, a fugitive turning tricks for a few dollars, picking up men in grungy bars and restrooms. He always has his eye on the money, and it’s hard not to feel more repugnance than sympathy for his situation. Soon enough, his unease turns to a voracious, omnivorous hunger for sex that he compares to an addictive drug.

You can order Jonathan’s book here (It’s a terrific read). For a true-life account of his Weather Underground days (GRIPPING) click here (it’s in an essay he wrote for The Washington Post).

Does your inability to stay hard with a condom make you a bottom?

Try my condom immersion program and you’ll turn into a hammer at a nail convention.

From a reader:


I’m a 21-year-old college student who gets raging hard-ons for my new crush–this sweet, gorgeous guy who’s exactly what I’m looking for. He wants me to top him but the second the condom goes on my cock it goes limp. Does this make me a bottom? I’m getting more and more upset about it, which I’m sure only makes matters worse. Am I alone in this? Does this happen to others? What can I do to keep an erection with a condom on?
— Frustrated as hell

Dear Frustrated:
You’re not alone. I can’t think of anything that’ll give my dick a flat tire more than condoms. Well, okay, vaginas, but let’s not quibble. Here are the reasons you’re losing it and how you can get it back: [Read more…] about Does your inability to stay hard with a condom make you a bottom?

Are we a couple or a couple of friends?

If you meet on a hookup site and you don’t hookup, good luck trying to get out of the friends zone.


So, I met this guy on a hookup site strictly as friends. I’ve got a major crush on him but I can’t tell if he wants to date or just be friends. We go out a lot and always have lots of fun together but nothing ever happens and I’m too scared to try. I’m afraid he might not want to be friends if I come out and tell him I want to date. And to complicate things even more, he’s 15 years older than I am! What should I do?

—Frisky but risky

Dear Frisky:
Okay, let me get this straight. You met a guy on “Dick Central,” haven’t gotten so much as a kiss and you’re still wondering if he’s interested in you? Dude, your cluelessness…it’s dripping on my wood floors.

[Read more…] about Are we a couple or a couple of friends?

GLEE creator Goes Sue Sylvester on Newsweek for “insulting” gay actors.

GLEE creator Ryan Murphy is leading a boycott of Newsweek after one of its columnists said openly gay actors playing straight characters alienate audiences.

Calm down, Ladyface. The columnist has a point. It is hard to believe Sean Hayes as a womanizer in Broadway’s Promises, Promises without seeing his swishy, gayed up character in Will & Grace. And it is hard to believe GLEE’s Jonathan Groff (the openly gay Broadway star) as Rachel’s love interest without thinking, “Why’d they cast the gay guy as her boyfriend?”

Newsweek’s columnist–who’s openly gay, by the way– didn’t suggest that gay actors stay in the closet (as Rupert Everett does). In fact, he writes, “For gay actors, why should sexual orientation limit a gay actor’s choice of roles?” His point, and it’s a good one, is that it often does.

GLEE’s creator went Sue Sylvester on the writer, calling the column “Shocking…hurtful…blatantly homophobic” and demanding that Newsweek apologize to all its gay readers.

Well, I’m a gay Newsweek reader and I’d like an apology from Ryan Murphy. Because instead of [Read more…] about GLEE creator Goes Sue Sylvester on Newsweek for “insulting” gay actors.

Manorexic Mannequins Debut Next Month at Department Stores Everywhere.

Look at these pics! As men get fatter (40″ inch waist is average), mannequins get skinnier (27″ inch waist starting next month). Male anorexia anyone?

This is a total turnoff to me, and I’m attracted to guys on the slender side. But slender to me means 30-32 inch waist. Does this now make me a chubby chaser?

From New York Magazine:

Next month, the British mannequin maker Rootstein debuts their latest male form—the “Homme Nouveau,” feminized and not so hearty, with a 35-inch chest and a 27-inch waist. Perfect for the trendiest, string-beaniest clothing, sure. But there’s evidence that the new paradigm has given rise to male anorexia.

The best stats from the story:

Dimensions of Rootstein’s Male Mannequins:
1967: 42” chest, 33” waist
1983: 41” chest, 31” waist
1994: 38” chest, 28” waist
2010: 35” chest, 27” waist

Too Scared To Have Sex.

The battle to avoid HIV leaves some men crotch-resistant. Here’s the fix.

From a reader:

I had my first HIV test about two-and-a-half years ago. I’m sorry to say that I had it done because I was a bit “irresponsible” in my teen years. Glad to say my test came back NEGATIVE and ever since, promised myself I’d never have unprotected sex again. Unfortunately, that has not been 100% the case. I’ve had two more HIV tests since, both of which were a requirement at the companies I’ve worked at. I am once again thankful to say they were both negative.

However, the whole HIV-test process has taken a real emotional toll on me, since I have become terrified of having sex. Every time I meet I guy I’m scared to go near his crotch, for fear I might catch something. The fact that condoms are not 100% safe makes me terribly uneasy and incapable of having a good, nice romp in the hay.

This is becoming a real problem for me. Monogamy is not an option since I do not have a boyfriend (tho would love to get one——ideas?). I’ve had NO SEX for months now. I’ve been literally living off of porn. What should I do? I know it’s a good thing being responsible and not being promiscuous and all that crap, but I’m going crazy here! I need sex! Please give me some insight here. How the hell can I get rid of this stupid fear?

— Deeply traumatized

[Read more…] about Too Scared To Have Sex.

74% of gay men would refuse chance to turn straight, study reveals

“A study of 2,500 gay and bisexual men claims that almost three-quarters of them would refuse an advance in medicine that could change their sexuality to heterosexual. … Whilst 26% of those surveyed admitted that they would take a ‘straight pill’, if such existed, almost three times as many men (74%) had no desire to alter their sexual preference.” The survey was conducted by ManCentral.com, a dating website, and probably a decent place to find guys who really, really like being gay.”

Read more: Pink Paper