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From a reader: I’ve been with this guy for a few months now, and things are moving along quite nicely with one exception. We’re both tops. We click on so many levels except that one. To avoid a stalemate in the bedroom, I’ve been bottoming every time, but I really want to switch things up. I’ve asked him but he won’t. Is there any way I can change his mind?

-Wanting to top

Dear Wanting:

You can’t argue your way into a man’s starfish. Try it and the ten-foot fence around his sphincter will grow to twenty. Confront him and he’ll electrify the fence. Instead, seduce him. Even a salesman knows you don’t go for the ‘close’ right away.

Second, drop the labels. Saying something like, “I’m not going to be the bottom in this relationship” will trigger every emotional hot button he’s got about his masculinity. Instead, tell him you’re crazy-attracted to him and want to experience different aspects of him. Make it about Desire and you’ll fill his heels with helium. Make it about who’s the woman in the relationship and you’ll fill them with cement.

Third, use your [Read more…] about How A Top Tops a Top

Most guys can’t get themselves to talk to a guy they’re attracted to because of something called Approach Anxiety–the fear of starting a conversation with an attractive stranger. A lot of the fear comes from setting unreasonable goals. For example, telling yourself you need to go to the other side of the bar and pick up that hottie in the corner is about the most unreasonable goal you can come up with. Why? Because you’re not ready. You can’t expect to get to the top of Mt. Hottie without so much as setting up base camp and sharpening your climbing skills.

That’s why you’ve got to set attainable goals. “Meet a quality guy,” “Sleep with a hot man” or “get a husband” may be things you want, but they don’t qualify as reasonable goals. You can’t get there from where you are. You’d get better results–and faster ones–if you had goals that weren’t tied to outcomes. So here’s a stellar gay tip: From now on, when you go out, your main objective is to:
[Read more…] about What If You Could Strike Up A Conversation With ANY Attractive Guy?

Like a lot of gay men, I seem to be stuck doing guys I don’t want to date and dating guys I don’t want to do.

Take this guy I met playing volleyball. We went up to block a shot and we both fell down. We had a “Love Boat” moment when I grabbed his hand to help him up. There were wedding platters in his eyes. There were bedposts in mine.

So we went on a date. Or rather, he went on a date. I went on a hunt. The guy was my type the way Arial is the New Yorker‘s type: Easy on the eyes, making you impatient to get to the end. But as much as I liked him sexually, I didn’t feel any other connection. And thus, I was hurled into the basic gay dating dilemma: Do you have sex with someone you’re physically but not emotionally attracted to? [Read more…] about The Real Reason So Many Gay Men Are Single

Most people seem to think straight sex workers in gay porn are either closet case exhibitionists, money-hungry heteros or want-it-all versatiles. Personally, I don’t think they’re gay, straight or bi. I think they’re “buy-sexual.”

Gay guys should understand that term better than anyone. We’ve been trading sex for a certain kind of currency since the beginning of time.

How many of us dated, sexed or married a woman because it would “buy” us entry into the groups we wanted to be part of? Like family, friends, church, work, or the military. We’ve been doing “Straight-for-stay” a lot longer than straights have been doing “Gay-for-pay.” Don’t let money blind you to the meaning of currency.

[Read more…] about Are Straight Guys In Gay Porn Really Straight?

Which of the 2010 cars are most likely fill your trunk with new men? According to Autotropolis, here they are in descending order (descriptions are theirs):

Before BMW and Lexus, there was Jaguar. This classic British brand was in danger of becoming utterly boring until chief designer Ian Callum (great guy!) took charge about a decade ago. Today, Jaguar is a hot brand with super cool and yet classic design both inside and out. Performance on Jaguar’s entry-level XF sedan is as thrilling as any BMW and not every Tom, Dick or Mark will be driving one either.

The recession was so bad even sex asked for a government bailout last year. The least we can do is laugh about it.

THE GOOD
A white-collar guy goes to jail for embezzlement, afraid of what he’s heard. Sure enough, his cellmate is biggest, meanest guy he’s ever seen. When lights go out the guy says, “You want to play the husband or the wife.” Guy thinks: “The husband.” Cellmate says, “Then come over and suck your wife’s dick.”

THE BETTER
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her
friends, “My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says, ‘Father’.”

The second one chirps up, “My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic lady says smugly, “My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says, ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three
ladies all ask, Well…?” She replies, “My son is a 6′ 2”, hard-bodied stripper, and hung like a rhino. When he walks into a room, everyone says, ‘Oh, my God!’”

THE BEST

[Read more…] about Best Sex Jokes of 2010 (so far)

I’m a total top. Love the feeling, the power trip, the whole deal. But even though I get rock hard erections and thoroughly enjoy railing my [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][grateful] dates, I can’t cum! A friend of mine told me it was all mental and that I was preoccupied with just trying to be a ‘stud’, but whether I’m doing a chick or a dude (and enjoying it), I just can’t seem to nut. Usually I have to end up taking control and j/o until I cum. The guys (or girls) will be sucking on me or whatever and it’ll be amazing…but for some reason I JUST CAN’T climax no matter how much I want to. What’s wrong with me?

— Tired of going without coming

Dear Tired:
There are a lot of reasons you can’t burp the baby: You might not have enough stimulation–sometimes orifices just aren’t tight enough. You might have ‘trained’ your body to orgasm with a masturbatory pattern that intercourse can’t match. You might be watching too much porn, sensitizing yourself to need more and more unrealistically beautiful people or outrageous acts.

Or maybe you’re just banging the wrong people.

But the most likely reason is what I tenderly like to call “Issues.” Note the capitalization. It’s my way of saying THERAPY without having to type out the word. Basically, you have an internal conflict between your conscious desire (“I want to cum in him”) and your subconscious unwillingness (“If I let go he’s in control. He’ll dominate me. He’ll own me. I’ll be his slave, he’ll consume me. I WILL DIE”). [Read more…] about Why can’t I bust my nut when I’m having sex?

Ok, so most of you know that I’ve written the first body language guide for gay men and that I’m obsessed with the subject. You’d think YouTube would be FILLED with great videos on (straight) body language showing you how to interpret gestures, postures and expressions.