From a reader:
I met a great guy on Manhunt a few months ago and things are going fantastic. He constantly tells me how much he cares about me and that I’m “The One.” We’ve even gotten tested together. We’re both negative so we’ve thrown out the condoms! There’s only one thing that keeps me from falling completely in love—he spends his spare time checking out guys online! He swears it’s just to kill time but I find it hard to believe you’d check your inbox every night if you were truly in love. I mean, I kill time by playing sports, reading, playing music, and watching TV. I’m grateful to the site for giving me a marriage but now I’m afraid it’s going to give me a divorce. Help!

— Can’t think straight

Dear Can’t:
I believe him when he says you’re “The One.” The thing is, he left off the other half of his sentence: “Of many.” Dude, you need to try on a new wig, because those bangs are blinding you. Given that you’re still in the courtship stage, I think it’s a safe bet that he’s a tickin’, cheatin’ time bomb.

HOWEVER.

He’s innocent until proven guilty. Truth is, people use online sites for different reasons—to hook up with meat-starved nymphos, to date guys you can take home to mom or to feed a raging ego. You’ve gotta figure out if he’s online to go into a Bathhouse, a Love Shack or an Ego Depot. [Read more…] about If He’s In Love Why’s He Online?

Using the right body language is the single most effective thing you can do to meet and attract the kind of guys you’re into. But how does that apply to us gay guys? After all, the prevailing feeling in gay nightlife is “if you don’t have the look you don’t stand a chance.”

Well, let’s not be stupid–that hottie you’re hawkin’ on is NOT going to date or hang out with you just because you’re throwing off the right body language. But if you want to catch his attention, turn his attention into interest and his interest into an attraction, NOTHING will help you do it better and faster than the right body language.

The question is, what’s the right body language for gay guys? Is it simply smiling and keeping your arms uncrossed or is there something more? [Read more…] about Gay Body Language

Q

I’ve been hooking up with this guy and having awesome sex. We both have boyfriends but play on the side. The thing is, he doesn’t want to use condoms because it tends to make him lose his erections. Plus, he says I’d feel him much better without it. My f-buddy says he’s negative and I know I am too. Should I ditch the condoms or insist on them? I’m afraid if I keep insisting he’s just going to find somebody else.

– Obsessed

Dear Obsessed:
You selfish prick. Not once in your letter did you mention the consequences for your boyfriend. I’m going to ASSUME you’ve both agreed to an open relationship, otherwise I’d have to reach into the screen and slap you into the middle of the next administration. Should you ditch the condoms? No. Wait, is there an echo? I said NOOOOOO. Did I mention NO? Cuz, actually, I meant NO.

You know what? Scratch that. I’ve got a better idea: Ask your boyfriend. And put it exactly like this: “Honey, would you mind if I let a guy who might or might not have HIV screw me without a condom?”

[Read more…] about Safe Sex Is Not A Padded Headboard

Is there anything more nerve-wracking than coming up with a creative text message for somebody you’re interested in? You try and try but everything seems like a version of “nice meeting you.”

Soon, you get Texter’s Block. You’re as nervous as Paris Hilton on Jeopardy. You’re shaking like a martini. What do you do? Relax. Remember the Seven Golden Rules of Flirty Text Messaging and you’ll be blowing up their phones with witty, funny text messages that’ll make them want to know you better.

1) Do Not Send Open-ended Texts.
Here’s the very worst one you can send: “Hey, what’s up?” You may as well have texted: “”Would you mind coming up with something interesting to say because I’m so freakin’ boring the plaster peels off the wall when I talk to it.”

[Read more…] about How To Get A Date Through Flirty Text Messages

Q:

What do call a gay guy who got infected in the ‘80s? A victim. What do you call a gay guy who gets infected in 2010? An idiot. I don’t mean to be cruel but I’m PISSED OFF. I’ve just had two twenty-something friends turn HIV+. I feel awful for them but at the same time, I’m angry. I just don’t understand why they didn’t have safe sex. It’s not like they don’t how to protect themselves—they chose not to. To me, it’s a simple equation: WEAR A CONDOM. For my own sanity, tell me, why is it so freakin’ hard to get people to wear condoms?

— Don’t get it

Dear Don’t Get It:
If people were any more stupid about safe sex we’d have to water them twice a week. But you know what? I agree with your anger but not with your logic. Follow it and you’re a breath away from saying, “If you got infected because you didn’t wear a condom then it’s your fault and you don’t deserve help.” Bull. When emergency workers pull out dead or injured people out of car crashes do they blame the victims for not wearing seat belts? Do they refuse to help them? [Read more…] about The Real Reason Gay Men Don’t Wear Condoms

My friend Mark King over at MyFabulousDisease.com produced this charming video for gay men too scared, or in cases like me, too lazy to take the HIV test.

Okay, okay, Mark, I’ll do it this week!

I’ve had a couple of bad experiences with Grndr guys showing up at my door looking 20 years older than they are and three inches shorter than they advertised if you know what I mean. Is it bad karma to turn away a guy at your door if he totally lied about himself? Or should I be nice, let them in and let them down gently?

— Feeling Guilty

Dear Feeling Guilty:
I don’t think you have the right to turn them away. You have the obligation to do it. Don’t confuse bad karma with good sense. You should be punishing liars, not rewarding them.

Let’s face it, there are guys online who lie so much their business cards say, “Professional Liar.” These guys are counting on your horniness blurring your vision and turning their visit into a Convenience Fuck. The best way to stop these guys is to insist on lots of pictures *before* you meet them. If the pics don’t match or look suspicious, meet them in a neutral place or don’t meet them at all.
[Read more…] about What If He Doesn’t Look Anything Like His Picture?

Since moving to New York, my friend C. has been tearing through a boy buffet. She’s been on scads of dates, sampling all kinds of guys: high-rolling investment bankers, too-cool hipsters, laid-back musicians. But when C. met someone I’ll call The Magician, she was ready to put down her fork.

The Magician seemed to be the perfect guy for her: charming, easy with a laugh and eager to match her sharp wit. They went out a solid seven times over three weeks. On the days when they didn’t see each other, The Magician would call, e-mail or text, telling C. how much he missed her and how much he was looking forward to their next date. Their romance, it appeared, was firing up faster than a North Korean nuke.

Then, The Magician pulled a stunt that, sadly, has claimed as its target almost everyone who has been in the dating world for any amount of time: The Disappearing Act. He first canceled plans to go out one evening to celebrate his birthday – and downgraded C. to an apartment visit instead. She was suspicious, but agreed to meet the following Friday for the rescheduled date. When she sent him a confirmation text the day before, his response was three words: “I can’t. Monday?”

Of course, after getting bumped twice, C. gave up trying. And — poof! — with that cryptic text message, The Magician vanished from her life. She hasn’t heard from him since.

Dating certainly has its downsides, but nearly none as devastating, or dumbfounding, as being a victim of The Disappearing Act. When we get to a certain level of knowing someone — or, rather, thinking we know someone — and they seem simply to fall off the face of the earth, the confusion and frustration is like a punch to the gut. Bliss turns into disbelief, and we turn into zombie-like creatures, drifting through our days wondering, “What the hell happened?” [Read more…] about Why Men Disappear

I’m 24; he’s 18. The only thing that’s stopping me from falling in love is his age. I find myself constantly lying about it to my friends. Am I crazy for thinking that dating somebody that young could actually work out? He’s everything I want in a guy– he’s almost more mature than I am and has more goals and is more on his way to achieving them than I am. Yet, the age thing is always in the back of my head. Also, I’m worried that he’s only holding on because I’m his ‘first’ and to top it off, I’ve decided to move to another city and he wants to come with me. Help! What should I do?

— Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed:

Look, if God had said, “LET THERE BE LIGHT!” and you were the one who hit the switch, you might have a point about the age spread, but come on! I’ve seen bowling pins stand further than your birthdates. Why are you so hung up on his age? It’s character, not years, that defines a man.

Speaking of character, I see a giant flaw in yours. By constantly lying about his age, you’re basically telling him and the world that you’re ashamed of him, that there’s something wrong with him. How’d you like it if he lied to his friends about your age? Would you feel accepted? Loved? Trusted? Supported? Stop lying and start bragging.

As for him holding on to you because you’re his ‘first,’ so what? The world is filled with high school sweethearts who lasted a lifetime with their ‘firsts.’ I say make him a part of your relocation package. Leaving him because you’re afraid the relationship won’t work out is like leaving a job because you’re afraid you might get laid off. [Read more…] about You’re 24. He’s 18. Can You Bridge The Age Difference?