General

Q:

Every time I go out to the bars with a friend of mine –and we’ve never been anything but, he acts and treats me like his boyfriend.  He holds my arms like I am his.  He stands really, *really* close to me.  Guys ask me all the time if he’s my boyfriend.  I tell them no.  Some guys just assume that he is.  What makes this situation a little more embarrassing is my friend is 15 years older than I am.  So guys not only think he is my boyfriend but they think he is my sugar daddy.  That’s why I always tell him not to buy me any drinks.  I don’t want to look like his boyfriend or worse, his *”boy.”*

There is another irritating thing about this situation.  When he sees a possible trick, he acts like I would prefer him to act around me…like a friend.  He’ll even tell me to go walk around and leave him until he gets his guy.

I like hanging out with him but how should I approach the subject so I don’t hurt his feelings or crush his self-esteem?

—  Killing my Groove

 

Dear Killing: [Read more…] about When Older Guys Use Younger Guys As Bait

Q:

My boyfriend is so ashamed of his body we only make love in the dark, and only in the missionary position.  How can I get him to be more adventurous without having him go on a diet?  I don’t like these skinny bitches I see flouncing around the park.  I like a little junk in the trunk!

 

—  Wanting more

 

Dear Wanting:

The reason he likes the missionary position –and only the missionary position—is that it’s the only position that keeps you from seeing his body.  People ashamed of their bodies, scared of having other people look at them in the nude, only feel comfortable in positions that prevent their partner from [Read more…] about When You Won’t Have Sex Because You’re Ashamed Of Your Body

Q:
I enjoy your direct, cold hard truth approach to advice.  So, I was very disappointed when, in a recent column, you softened your description of “bug chasing” as a death wish to a “manageable disease” wish.  You fell into the trap you usually avoid—making HIV sound inconvenient rather than life threatening.  I’m disappointed in you.

 

—  Your ex-fan

Dear Ex-fan:

Sorry, I know you want a black and white answer but I’ve only got grays in my palette.  HIV is both a life-threatening disease AND a manageable condition.  Look at the evidence:  There are 950,000 Americans living with HIV.  About 14,000 die each year of AIDS.   Some people can’t get the meds or don’t respond to them so HIV is, literally, a death sentence.   But most people do respond to the meds and that makes it “manageable.”  Sorry, no apology.  “Bug Chasers” have both a death wish AND a manageable condition wish.

Q: 

Is there any harm in lying on a tanning bed in the nude?

 

—  Butt First 

 

Dear Butt First:

The ultraviolet rays of a tanning bed won’t do any more harm to your dick than they do to your back.  But that’s not saying much, since the consensus among dermatologists is that tanning beds cause skin cancer.

Every day more than a million Americans go to the nation’s 50,000 tanning facilities.  The ultraviolet radiation these “beds” give off is a carcinogen just like tobacco, according to the latest study in The Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology.   As one of the study’s authors notes, “Radiation use has been declared a carcinogen by the National Institutes of Health.”

 

Q:

I’m 20 years old and I’ve just had my first wet dream.  I know, slow grower. I want to have more (it was way hot!) but it’s not something you pick up, like a guy at a bar.  I have a feeling you’re going to tell me the only way to wake up with more gook in my sheets is to stop “bleeding the lizard” as one of my friends so charmingly puts it.   Say it isn’t so.  How can I have more wet dreams?

 

—  Dreamer

Q:

I’ve always disagreed with your position that oral sex is safe.  You say it is; I say it isn’t.  And here’s the proof.  Donald L. Sodora, PhD, assistant professor of internal medicine, infectious diseases, and microbiology at the University of Texas Southwest Medical Center in Dallas recently did a study on monkeys and found the AIDS virus quickly spreads from the mouth to the rest of the body.  Here’s what he said:  “The study shows that oral exposure to HIV is a way a person can hypothetically be infected. We know babies get infected from HIV in breast milk. So it is not a big stretch to think semen could infect you orally. … I don’t think this is a safer way to have sex.”  By not urging people to have oral sex with a condom I think you’re a danger to our community, adding kerosene to the fire of this ravaging disease.  I’d like an apology and a promise that you’ll warn people off oral sex without a condom.

 

—  Pissed off

 

[Read more…] about Can You Get HIV From Oral Sex?

Q:

My partner and I don’t have sex very often even though we’re still physically attracted to each other.  Don’t laugh, but the problem is exhaustion!  We both have incredibly stressful jobs and we’re just too damn tired to have sex.  What can we do about this, short of quitting our jobs?

 

—  Tired of it

 

Dear Tired:

Why would I laugh?   Nearly 25% of couples miss out on sex because they’re too sleepy, according to a recent poll by the U.S. National Sleep Foundation.  Sleep deprivation not only saps your libido, it makes you cranky, aggravated and irritable.  Sex with a psycho bitch, anyone?

 

My advice:  Get more sleep.  You can do that by getting to bed earlier (duh!) and going away for short, “dirty weekends” (if you’re working that hard you’re making the bucks to afford it).  There’s another thing you can do, though it seems patently obvious:  Go to bed together.  You can’t believe how many couples don’t go to sleep at the same time.  One stays up to watch TV while the other goes upstairs to read.  Nothing acts like a sex-zapper more than going to bed at different times.  Make it a point to lie on the sheets simultaneously and I promise you’ll end up staining them more often.

Q:

I’ve been with my lover for 10 years.  Recently I found out he’s been having sex with his male first cousin who is HIV Positive.  He’s gotten Chlamydia in the throat and anus and takes an oral –and anal–form of Mycelex.  I love him with all my heart but he is now starting to get hostile with me since I confronted him about it and expressed worry that I’m going to get HIV from him.   Is there any help for people like me who are co-dependent and in love?  Is this normal for two first cousins who are gay to have sex?  I am confused and hurt.

 

—  Don’t Know Anymore

 

Dear Don’t Know:

I just want to make sure I have this straight. He puts you in danger of contracting a possibly fatal disease and shows no concern for your health?

 

Wow, it must really hurt to have your lover wipe his feet on you every time he walks in the door.  Isn’t the ‘Welcome’ sign wearing out from all the shoe leather? [Read more…] about His Boyfriend Gave Him Chlamydia But He Still Loves Him

Q:

I used to be a really faithful lover, but after a year of post-split-up singledom, I find myself being promiscuous and unable to satisfy myself with one guy. How can I re-discover the delights of monogamous sex?

—  Whore no more

I hate the word “promiscuous.”  I prefer “sexually extroverted.”  [Read more…] about How To Rediscover The Joys Of Monogamy