QUESTION:

Why won’t my boyfriend let me see him naked?  Sometimes after making love, he will sleep naked, but if he ever gets out of bed, he’ll immediately cover up.  We’ve been together for five months, and we have yet to shower together.  I just hate that he seems to feel so shy around me.  I’m pretty open about being naked which he seems to enjoy a lot, but I’d like a little reciprocation here!  I would bring it up, but I just don’t want to risk embarrassing him or making him even more self-conscious.  What should I do here?  

 

–Puzzled

Dear Puzzled:

Sounds like he’s got an advanced case of modesty.  Nudity can make people feel emotionally exposed and it’s almost always manifested in a feeling of inferiority.

The modesty typically starts with a home indoctrination of nudity as a fully clothed wrong.  Sometimes it’s a result of being ashamed of some characteristic—a birthmark that attracts unwanted attention, a flaccid penis that looks like a baby cashew, or a hair pattern that makes your genitalia look like the last chicken in the shop. [Read more…] about How To Get Your Guy To Be More Comfortable Without Clothes

Q:

This is more of a comment than a question.  My new boyfriend doesn’t have nearly as good a body as my old boyfriend but he’s SO confident in his body that he actually turns me on more!  Who knew that confidence could literally change the way you perceive someone’s body?

 

—  Glowing and Growing

 

 

Dear Glowing:

‘Body Confidence’ produces a cascade of heat-raising turn-ons.  It challenges all the senses, making sex fire on all cylinders.  Your boyfriend’s confidence improves his posture, making him stand straighter with shoulders back, and chest pushed forward, giving you a ‘boon with a view.’   Body confident guys are also more likely to spring a few surprises, heightening anticipation and completely changing the way you perceive their bodies.  The search for aphrodisiacs is over.  Bury the herbs and grow the confidence!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Q:

My boyfriend wants me to talk dirty to him during sex. I don’t know what to say, I feel stupid and I keep laughing. What can I say, and how can I keep a straight face?

 

—  Giggly

 

 

Dear Giggly:

“Talking dirty” adds another dimension to the sexual experience.  Think about it:  Sex engages 4 out the 5 senses (taste, touch, sight and smell). But unless you talk, you leave the fifth sense—hearing– out.

 

Adding wordplay to foreplay is a great way to make your sex life fire on all five cylinders.  The first rule of spicing things up with Tabasco Talk is to forget the flowery prose.  Any word with more than two syllables is a word with too many syllables.  Start by simply narrating the action.  Describe what you’re doing and feeling.  Once you get used to talking in bed, the trashy talk will come naturally.

 

Try an Erotic Appreciation Exercise.  Simply notice something about his body that you like and say something about it (“I like the shape of your penis when it’s completely hard”).  Then say something about his style of lovemaking. Like, “I love the way your kisses automatically make my nipples erect.”  It’s simple, really.  All you’re doing is putting your thoughts on external speaker.

 

If you’re still feeling a little funny, then do what you do when you eat a great dessert– Moan & Groan.  Not many syllables to them, but animal sounds can speak a thousand dirty words.

 

 

 

 

 

Q:

I love giving head to my boyfriend but he’s one of those guys that should have been born straight—his room’s a mess, he’ll go a day or two without showering and he thinks being clean means not using drugs.  The thing is, he’s got the most beautiful dick I’ve ever seen and I’m obsessed with having it in my mouth.  Yet the smell repulses me.  Am I being unreasonable that he keeps himself clean?  Or am I just spoiling the spontaneity by insisting that he shower first?

 

— Gagging for the wrong reason

 

 

Dear Gagging:

Most men would crawl through cut glass to get more oral sex and yours won’t even reach for a bar of soap?   Something’s not right.  One possibility is that he simply doesn’t enjoy oral sex enough to keep clean.

 

An uglier possibility is that you’re [Read more…] about You want him bad, but he stinks…

Q:

My boyfriend has developed a foot fetish. He spends hours under the duvet, sucking my toes and licking my feet, but I’m there, sitting up and bored. I just don’t know how to steer him in the right direction.

 

—  Lick me not

 

Dear Lick Me Not:

Try putting your feet next to your crotch.  If he slips it’ll be a mistake you won’t regret.

 

Seriously, he’s admiring something beautiful about you, so take it for what it is—a compliment.  [Read more…] about How to deal with a foot fetish

Q:

My partner keeps asking me what my sexual fantasies are, but I can’t come up with any.  He says I must have fantasies. Am I abnormal?

 

—  Regular Joe

 

 

Dear Regular:

Just because you’re not fully conscious of sexual fantasies doesn’t mean you don’t have them.  Part of the reason you’re coming up blank is that your partner is asking the wrong question.  Rather than ask, “What is your fantasy?” he should be asking, “What turns you on?”  Then take your answers and apply the following subjects to them: [Read more…] about How To Recognize Your Innermost Sexual Fantasies

Q:

My boyfriend and I are planning a trip to spend time with our parents.   It sounds pretty normal but the thing of it is as soon as we get into bed I want to jump him like an animal.  I don’t know if it’s the sneaking around or the “I’m so bad” part of doing it at our parents’ house, but it has been the best sex we’ve ever had.  My boyfriend’s not as in to it as I am.  I have actually had to force him to do it a couple times but once he gets into it it’s amazing.  How can I get him past his inhibitions so we can get down to business?

 

—  Father complex

 

 

Dear Father complex:

If you want him to drop his drawers you have to raise some issues.  Like how not to get caught.  Talk to him about soundproofing your parent’s guest bedroom.   Here are a few tips to keep the nosiest parents at bay: [Read more…] about How To Have Sex In Your Parent’s House

Q:

I’m a woman who’s read your book three times, working on a fourth.  I love your style and your common sense attitudes toward health and insight into male minds.  
 
I’m writing because I am married to a man who I believe is gay.  We’ve never had sex — not before or after the wedding.  Not even on the honeymoon night.  From comments he’s made and where his eyes wander, I believe he is attracted to men, not women.  He makes constant references to cute men, tight asses, loving the way males look and feel, and so forth.  I should have known — all the signs were there — but I liked him so much as a person and I was terribly lonely.  

 

I believe he only married me because he was trying to deny his Southern Baptist upbringing in the belief that homosexuality was a damnable sin.  Being married made him “safe” and meant he didn’t have to face some facts about himself.  I hate him for using me as his “beard”, but I also I know I should have cut it off before saying “I do”. 
 
Here’s the problem: even though he refuses to have any physical contact, let alone sex (I’ve offered him everything from anal to blow jobs to hand jobs; he turns me down flat and seems repelled) he won’t hear of any options.  As best as I can tell, he seems to expect me to live a life of faithful celibacy.  He won’t even consider counseling to work things out. 
He’s very controlling.  I don’t have a job anymore, and I don’t have any friends I can go to.  My family, also strong Southern Baptist by nature, refuse to countenance the idea of my leaving him for another life.  I don’t have any money of my own, and I don’t have a car.  What can I do to get out of this awful situation?

 

— Sad and Broken  

 

Dear Liza Minelli:

You married a guy that was gayer than Christmas at Bloomingdale’s and it’s just now occurring to you that it won’t work?  Honey, those weren’t clues he was throwing at you, they were meteors.  And now you’ve gotta crawl out of the holes they’ve made.  Or rather *YOU* made.  Accepting responsibility is your first step.  Don’t kid yourself—you aren’t a victim; you’re a volunteer.  He may be an asshole but you gave him all the tools to shape his assholiness:  encouragement, compliance, and an unwillingness to leave when you could have. [Read more…] about Woman Marries Closeted Gay Guy. How Does She Get Out?

Q:

I freaked when I jerked off the other day because there was blood in my semen.  It hasn’t happened again, but I’m worried it will.  Is this a sign of something serious?

 

—  Palmed out

 

 

Dear Palmed:

You experienced ‘hematospermia’—blood in the ejaculate.  It’s more of a scare than a problem.  I know because it happened to me once.  My first reaction was “I’ve got cancer.  I’ve got six months to live.”  Then I remembered I’m a sex columnist and knew better.

 

In half the cases there’s no known cause for it.  If it doesn’t happen again, don’t worry about it.  But if it does, quit punching the monkey and punch your doctor’s number.  It’s most likely a prostate infection easily treated with antibiotics, but sometimes it’s a symptom of something more serious.