The Art of Gay Texting

We did a round-up of the 5 best articles we’ve seen on “gay texting” this month.  Now, gay texting? What be that?  You know–when gay men communicate with each other over text! Duh!

Here’s our take on what these articles have to say. We encourage you to click the links and read the articles. 

#1 The Gay Therapy Center

Summary: 

Many people, especially men, tend to share personal and difficult feelings through text and email because it is easier and less scary. However, this can lead to hurt feelings and painful miscommunication. According to research by Professor Albert Mehrabian, 55% of messages pertaining to feelings are in facial expression, 38% of messages pertaining to feelings are in the way that words are said, and 7% of messages pertaining to feelings are in the words. This means that 93% of communication is through facial expression and tone of voice, which is all lost in a text or email. To avoid this, the author suggests picking up the phone and calling or saving it for your next face-to-face experience. Using too much technology can also lead to “technology hangovers” where it becomes harder to concentrate, listen to someone for an extended period, or when anxiety rises when not checking phones. Changing habits takes lots of practice, but the payoff is a greater chance of experiencing joy.

#2 Elite Singles

Summary: 

Show Empathy

“I know you’ve had a busy day, so I’m grabbing dinner for us.” Showing you understand your date’s needs can be a big win. This kind of message shows that you are paying attention to their daily lives and that you care about their well-being. It also shows that you are proactive and willing to make an effort to make things happen.

Be Clear and Specific

“I really enjoyed our first date. Can we get together this weekend for dinner/drinks? I’m free after 5 pm on both days.” Being clear and specific about your plans can be attractive. This message conveys that you are interested in seeing the person again and that you are taking charge of planning the next steps. It also leaves little room for confusion or misinterpretation.

Show Interest in Their Interests

“I listened to the album/read the book/tried the recipe you recommended, and I really enjoyed it!” Showing you pay attention to their interests can be a big plus. This message shows that you are genuinely interested in the things that they like, and that you are willing to invest time and effort in getting to know them better. It also opens the door for further conversations and activities around shared interests.

Ask to Learn More

“You mentioned that you enjoy doing (insert hobby/interest). Can you teach me a bit more about it this weekend?” Asking to learn more about their interests can be a great way to bond. This message shows that you are curious and eager to learn more about the person, and that you are excited to spend time together doing something that they enjoy. It also creates an opportunity for the two of you to connect on a deeper level.

Show Appreciation

“Thanks for the great evening, I really appreciate the time you took out for me. I can’t wait to see you again.” Showing appreciation for the time spent together can be a great way to end the night. This message conveys that you had a good time and that you enjoyed the person’s company. It also sets the stage for a future date and leaves the door open for further communication.

3. To10.com

Summary: 

“Texting Your Way to Love: How to Flirt with a Gay Guy (or Anyone!)”

Flirtation via Texting

-The key is to be playful yet direct, to make your interest known, and also to give them opportunities to do so.

Teasing

• Teasing is a surefire way to show interest, especially in the early stages of dating. Gently poke fun at something he always does or says or a quirk he possesses.

Goodnight and Good Morning Texts

• This is a great way to make your interest clear. Who sends these kinds of texts to someone they just see as a friend? It lets a guy you’re crushing on know he’s on your mind. And if you’re already dating, it lets him know he hasn’t left your mind.

Sincere Compliments

• Everyone likes compliments, and complimenting a love interest or partner makes your interest clear. While superficial compliments may be common to give and receive, many gay men also appreciate compliments regarding their personality, accomplishments, and actions.

Exclamation Points

• Using exclamation points makes it clear that you’re excited about the other person and their whereabouts.

Sending Funny Things

• If you see something that you think will make him laugh, don’t hesitate to share it with him.

Emojis

• Any simple, lackluster text can become spicy and seductive with the addition of a few simple emojis.

Sharing a Fantasy

• If you have not yet sexted, you can say something like, “wanna hear a sexy fantasy that crossed my mind recently?” and wait for a positive response before continuing.

Letting Him Know What You’d Like to Do Later

-Another approach to sexting is to create anticipation for what you’d like to do later.

SDLGBTN

Summary: 

Signs of Flirtation

There’s no one way to know for sure if someone’s flirting with you, but some possible signs could be extended eye contact, smiling, playful touching, or suggestive comments. if you’re not sure, just ask them directly.

Ten Ways to Tell if He’s Flirting

So how do you know if a guy is really into you? he might introduce himself differently or touch you more than other guys. if he’s nervous around you or always laughing at your jokes, that’s a good sign. also pay attention if he’s asking about your hobbies, interests, and feelings – that means he wants to get to know you better.

Gay Messages for Him

There’s plenty of gay messages out there for your guy. you can find them online or in stores. whether he wants something sweet or something a little naughtier, there’s something perfect for him. go explore!

Flirty Texting

Flirting over text can be tricky, but if you’re bold and confident and avoid any pitfalls, you’ll be fine. before you text, think about what you want to say and pay attention to the subtle signs of flirting. keep it positive and playful, use genuine compliments, and avoid sending too many messages. there’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but you can tailor your message to your preferences. if you’re stuck, there’s 67 flirty text examples to help you out. make sure to mention the time you spent together and any plans you have. also, use flirtatious and cheeky references, and emojis to make it clear what you’re looking for. remember, flirty texts are best when your partner is in charge and making plans, and when you’re on the same wavelength.

Huffington Post 

Studies show the average person sends or receives over 100 texts a year. If you’ve met somebody you’re interested in, it’s important to learn the art of going from textual to sexual.

Don’t send open-ended texts

Sending an open-ended text like “Hey, what’s up?” is the worst thing you can do. Not only does it announce that you’ve got the personality of a Kansas zip code, it leaves the person on the other end in an awkward situation of having to create the value for a conversation you started.

Deliver value

Instead of trying to start a conversation, aim to bring a smile to the person’s face. Be quirky, fun, and observational. Which text would you rather receive: “Hi, how are you?” or “I just saw a drag queen on a mini-scooter stop at a red light and fix her makeup. Can you believe that?”

Reinforce the memory of your interaction

Reinforce the memory of your interaction by teasing out an inside joke or some recollection of your conversation. The ultimate goal of texting is to bridge it into a fun, awkward-free phone conversation.

Other points

• Keep initial texts short. Long messages can come across as needy.
• Proper grammar is a turn-on to the intelligent, so make sure to proof-read your texts.
• Be confident and take the lead. If the person says they’re too busy or can’t hang out, text something like “Break your plans. I’m more fun.” It might not convince them, but it’ll make them laugh and increase the chances of them saying yes next time.

Dating Advice.com

In today’s technological world, communication has evolved in many ways. While technology has made it easier to connect with people, it has also changed the way people communicate. Texts are shorter, voicemails are a thing of the past and it’s harder to tell how someone is feeling just by reading a text message. In this article, we will explore how technology has changed the way we communicate and provide tips on how to make communication more personal and meaningful.

The Changing Landscape of Communication

Technology has greatly impacted the way people communicate. With the rise of social media and messaging apps, people are now more accustomed to short and to-the-point messages. This has led to a decline in the use of voicemails, and people have become less likely to leave them. Additionally, it can be more challenging to understand the tone and emotions behind a text message compared to a phone call.

One of the most significant changes in communication is the way people start conversations. It is not uncommon to see texts that start with just “Hey” or “What’s up?”. While there is nothing inherently wrong with this, it does not provide much room for engagement or personalization.

Tips for Making Conversations More Personal

However, despite these changes, it is still possible to make communication more personal and meaningful. With a little effort and planning, one can improve the quality of their conversations.

1. Say more than just “Hey” or “What’s up?” When starting a text conversation, it is recommended to ask good questions that will help you get to know the other person. For example, “Hey! What are you doing this weekend?” or “I’m going to see the new DC movie, have you seen it? Do you like superhero movies? I’d have to say Superman is my favorite.” This approach provides more opportunities for engagement and personalization.
2. Respond in a timely manner When receiving a text, it is important to respond in a timely manner. Even if one is busy, it is still possible to send a quick reply. This shows the other person that you value their time and are interested in their message.
3. Have a plan when making a phone call When making a phone call, it is beneficial to have a plan. Write down what you want to say and stick to it. This way, you’ll be more likely to make a personal connection and have a meaningful conversation.

The Do’s & Don’ts of Gay Texting

Here’s our short bible on gay texting. First, let’s look at the bullet-point version and then we’ll expand on each point:

•Use exclamation marks! They are your best friends and using them makes you seem more sincere.

• Respond to texts promptly, especially if you’re not busy.

• Don’t start a text and then just stop replying. It’s rude.

• Avoid using one word responses like ‘okay’ or ‘fine’ that can be perceived as passive aggressive. Instead, show excitement appropriately.

• Don’t attempt to have serious conversations via text – talk in person instead.

• No long essays about your feelings – it’s okay to have one of those 10-page texts like once a year, but don’t hide behind texting every time you’re feeling a strong emotion.

Ok, now that we got that out of the way, let’s dive in.

How and When to Use Exclamation Marks in Texts

We’ve all been there—you’re texting your friend about plans for the weekend and they take forever to respond. Or you send your boss a question about an upcoming project and they reply with a simple “yes” that lacks any enthusiasm. In moments like these, you might find yourself wondering: Should I have used an exclamation mark?

Exclamation marks can be a powerful tool in texts, emails, and other forms of written communication. Used sparingly, they can make the sender seem more sincere and encourage a prompt response. So, when is it appropriate to use an exclamation mark? All the time.

Benefits of Using Exclamation Marks

Exclamation marks can be very useful in written communication for a few reasons. First, they can make the sender seem more sincere. A message that simply says “I’m sorry” can come across as cold or insincere. However, adding an exclamation mark changes the tone completely! Now, the message conveys genuine remorse.

Second, exclamation marks can encourage a prompt response. If your question needs an immediate answer or if you’re conveying time-sensitive information, adding an exclamation mark will let the recipient know that they need to reply quickly.

Finally, exclamation marks can add excitement to a message. They convey enthusiasm and show that you’re genuinely excited about something. This is especially important in written communication because the recipient can’t see your facial expressions or hear the inflection in your voice.

When to Use Exclamation Marks

Now that we know the benefits of using exclamation marks, let’s look at some examples of when it might be appropriate to use one (or two!).

– Plans for the weekend: “Let’s get together for lunch on Saturday! My treat!”

– Good news: “I got the promotion!”

– Apologies: “I’m so sorry about what happened.”

– Meeting reminders: “Don’t forget our meeting at 3pm today!”

Of course, there are also times when it’s best to avoid using exclamation marks. For instance, one-word responses such as “yes” or “no” rarely warrant an exclamation mark. Additionally, serious conversations are best had in person or over the phone so that each party can gauge the other’s reactions and gauge their level of sincerity. Texting is not an effective medium for these types of conversations.

Texting For The Gays: Use Exclamation Marks Liberally

Exclamation marks can be a helpful tool in written communication when used sparingly. They can make the sender seem more sincere and encourage a prompt response from the recipient. However, it’s important to avoid using them excessively or in inappropriate situations such as during serious conversations. When used effectively, exclamation marks can help you create meaningful connections with others through text!

The Role of Rapid Responses

In today’s world, it’s more important than ever to be responsive to texts. Whether you’re communicating with a friend, family member, or business associate, people expect prompt replies. Of course, there are times when you can’t respond right away, but in general, it’s best to reply as soon as possible. This shows that you’re interested in the conversation and that you value the person’s time.

Furthermore, it helps to prevent miscommunications and misunderstandings. So next time you get a text, try to respond promptly, even if you’re not busy. It will make a world of difference in your relationship with the other person.

There’s nothing more frustrating than sending a text and then not getting a reply. It’s even worse when the person you’re texting with starts to ghost you, gradually disappearing until they’ve completely stopped responding. Not only is it rude, but it’s also a major violation of social etiquette. If you’re going to start a text conversation, have the courtesy to finish it.

Otherwise, you risk leaving the other person hanging and feeling frustrated. So next time you’re tempted to ignore a text, think twice. It’s the polite thing to do.

NO On One Word Responses

The next time someone asks how you are doing, try to resist the urge to give a one-word response. Although it may seem like a harmless way to answer the question, using words like “okay” or “fine” can often be perceived as passive aggressive.

Instead, take the opportunity to show some excitement and enthusiasm. If you’re having a good day, let the other person know with a smile and a cheery response. If you’re not feeling your best, there’s no need to put on a false front – simply explain that you’re feeling under the weather and leave it at that. By taking the time to give a more thoughtful answer, you can help to brighten someone’s day and create a more positive communication style.

Don’t Text Your Drama

In the digital age, it’s easy to communicate with others without ever having to leave the comfort of our homes. We can text, email, and even video chat with just a few clicks. While this convenience is great for keeping in touch with friends and family, it’s not always the best way to have deep or meaningful conversations.

That’s because it’s often difficult to gauge tone and intention via text, which can lead to misunderstandings. What’s more, we can’t pick up on important nonverbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions. For these reasons, it’s usually best to avoid having serious conversations via text. If you need to discuss something important with someone, it’s best to do it in person. That way, you can ensure that both parties are on the same page and avoid miscommunication.

Don’t Overshare

Feelings are a tricky thing. They can be so overwhelming sometimes that all we want to do is hide away from the world and avoid everyone. But that’s not really living, is it? It’s important to feel our feelings and work through them, but that doesn’t mean we have to share every single one with the people around us.

There’s nothing wrong with bottling things up sometimes – in fact, it can be healthy. It gives us a chance to process our emotions and figure out what we’re really feeling. So next time you’re feeling a strong emotion, try putting your phone down and taking some time for yourself. You might be surprised at how much better you feel afterwards.

If you’re ever in doubt, err on the side of caution and keep your thoughts to yourself. It’s better to be thought of as private than to be known as the person who always overshares.

What’s Driving The Popularity of Gay Romance Novels?

While L.G.B.T.Q.-centric romance novels are nothing new, they have seen a surge in popularity in recent years. This is despite the fact that many books with themes about LGBQ life are being banned in classrooms and schools around the country. Here, we take a look at the growth of this genre and some of the most recent and upcoming titles in the space.

The availability of piracy websites and online retailers like Amazon has helped fuel the growth of this genre by making these books more accessible to readers. In addition, social media has played a role in promoting these titles by creating a community of like-minded individuals who can share recommendations and connect with one another.

There are a number of factors that have contributed to the growing popularity of LGBQ romance novels. One is that they provide an escape for readers who may feel marginalized or ridiculed in their everyday lives. These stories allow them to see themselves in the protagonists and feel represented in a way that they may not see elsewhere in the media.

Another reason for the genre’s popularity is that it is often sexier and more explicit than traditional romance novels. This allows readers to explore their own desires and fantasies in a safe and consensual way. Additionally, many of these novels deal with important issues such as coming out, homophobia, and transphobia, which can be enlightening for those who are not familiar with these topics.

Finally, it should be noted that LGBQ romance novels are not just for women or gay men—they are for anyone who enjoys a good love story, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. In fact, many straight women enjoy reading these books because they provide insight into the male perspective on love and relationships.

Despite the many challenges of the past year, the sales of L.G.B.T.Q. romance books have surged, reaching an all-time high. According to NPD BookScan, which tracks the sales of most printed books sold in the United States, about 850,000 L.G.B.T.Q. romance books sold at traditional retail outlets in 2021 — a 740 percent increase over a five-year period, and more than double the number sold in 2020.

This boom can be attributed to a number of factors, including the growing visibility of queer characters in popular culture and the increasing acceptance of L.G.B.T.Q. relationships. In addition, many readers are seeking out stories that reflect their own experiences and provide a sense of connection and community. Whatever the reason, it is clear that there is a growing appetite for LGBTQ romance books, and publishers are responding with an ever-growing selection of titles to choose from. So whether you’re looking for a steamy romance or a heartwarming love story, there’s sure to be a book perfect for you!

Despite its small size, the romance category continues to be one of the most popular genres with readers. According to BookScan, romance books made up 4 percent of all print sales last year.

Romance readers are passionate about their genre and are always on the lookout for new authors and titles. While the category may be small, it is certainly mighty, and romance publishers continue to experience strong sales despite competition from other genres. Thanks to the loyal support of romance readers, the genre shows no signs of slowing down.

Even as many books with themes about L.G.B.T life aimed at children and young adults were banned in classrooms and schools around the country, the growth of L.G.B.T publishing came.

This may be because the need for these stories is more important than ever before. Through their writing, LGBTQ authors provide visibility for an often marginalized group and give voice to experiences that are often left unspoken.

In a world where queer people are still fighting for basic rights and acceptance, these stories can be powerful tools for change. They remind us that we are not alone, that our stories are valid and worth telling, and that we have the strength to overcome adversity. In a time when the future of the L.G.B.T community is uncertain, these stories provide hope that someday, we will all be free to live our lives openly and authentically.

LGBTQ romance novels are experiencing a boom in popularity due to a number of factors, including increased accessibility, social media promotion, and the fact that they often deal with important issues such as coming out, homophobia, and transphobia. If you’re looking for a good love story, regardless of your gender or sexual orientation, be sure to check out some of the latest titles in this genre—you won’t be disappointed!

The lube that can squeeze a Cadillac into a dog house

Everyone agrees silicon is the best but how the hell do you get the stains out?

From a reader:

I only use silicon lubes but they’re starting to ruin my love life. They ruin the freakin’ sheets! You should see the look on the dates I bring home when they see the lube stains! How do I get them out?

My answer:

Spot removers like Oxy Clean will work, but only if you wash the sheets as quickly as possible (and in the hottest water safe for the material). But that’s a no-go unless you’re self-servicing. What are you supposed to do when you’ve just finished with a date in your arms– flip ’em off the bed, strip the sheets, gun them with spot remover, shove them in the washer, jump back into bed and say, “Now, where were we?”

Great. Save the sheets, lose the date. Although, depending on how many shots you knocked back the night before, saving the fabric over the prey may be a better move. In that case, get the spot completely out BEFORE you put the sheets in the dryer, otherwise the heat will bake the spot in.

Your best bet for clothing or bedspreads? The dry cleaners. They use commercial products that aren’t available to the likes of you and me.

So why bother with a silicon rather than water-based lube? Because it’s so good, it’ll help you squeeze a Cadillac into a doghouse. The silky smooth texture lasts so long nobody has to stop in the middle of the action to re-apply. Meaning, you don’t have to install that in-bedroom, three-gallon wall pump of water based lube you were thinking about.

The real secret to stain-free silicon shagging is squeezing out just enough so it doesn’t drip when you apply it. If you fumble during the tumble and make a big spill, even the manufacturers say only one thing will work: Luck.

Gay Sex Advice: Delayed Ejaculation

“Sometimes I’m harder to get off than Martha Stewart on a set of dirty sheets”

From a reader:

Why is it that I can finish myself off when I’m alone but not when I’m with my partner? I get rock hard but I just can’t seem to orgasm when I’m making love. Help!

 

Answer:

The most common cause of “Delayed Ejaculation” are psychological: Traumatic events like a public humiliation, growing up in a home that considered sex dirty, saving it for the hot chick (or guy) you’re meeting later for drinks, you know, that kind of thing. Since you can ejaculate in some situations but not others, we can safely say there isn’t a medical cause. You’ve got what I tenderly like to call “Issues.” Note the capitalization. It’s my way of saying THERAPY without having to type out the word.

If you can’t bring yourself to make an appointment with a sex therapist because you’re too ashamed (or because you’ve slept with all of them), then let’s hope the real issue is habit. Yes, habit.

See, we men “train” ourselves how to orgasm by masturbating in certain ways. If that certain way is “partner unfriendly” – a pattern that can’t trigger the orgasm reflex during intercourse—then you won’t be able to butter your partner’s bread. If that’s the case, change your masturbation patterns so that they mimic the speed, rhythm and pressure of intercourse. Grip your prize a lot looser, and instead of your hand pumping your penis, thrust your penis into your hand. Basically, you’ve got to re-train yourself with new ways of coming up with the goods.

There’s a great penetration simulator device out there that might help. It’s called the Fleshlight Sleeve. You insert yourself into the vagina (or butt)-shaped device and pump it like a bad set of brakes. Be disciplined about your new self-service patterns and it shouldn’t be but 4-6 weeks before you put the “ohh” back in orgasm.

Why do you sleep with married men then blame them for cheating?

The Question: A few years ago I got out of a terrible relationship (he cheated, was abusive, alcoholic) and at the time I moved into a house with a good friend. In the house lived 4 guys and we all became very close. One man in particular I became very close with. Within 2 months of me living there we hooked up but nothing serious. He is 9 years older than me and I just wasn’t in a place to get involved. As time went on we became even closer. We talked on the phone on our way to work; we would email all day long and then talk on the way home from work. Once I was back to my place, I would go up to his place and we would cook dinner together and hangout and talk all night long.

After a few months the attraction between was got the best of me and we hooked up again. When I said I was ready to sleep with him, he wouldn’t sleep with me because he knew we didn’t want the same things (he wanted to be together and I just wasn’t ready). After that we stay very close and continued “playing house” (cooking every night, going away together, spending our weekends together) without any physical relationship. I also dated other people as did he, but I assumed we would eventually be together or just be very good friends.

The next year I had 2 new roommates move in, both female, and I told them right off the bat that he was off limits. That we had something and that I really cared about him. One of the new girls and I did not get along right off the bat, and it turns out that she started seeing him but never told me. I was furious. Not because they were hooking up, but because I felt betrayed and embarrassed.

Fast forward 2 years. I have sense moved out of that place, but remained very close with the guys who live there. The old roommate and the one guy are still together. When he and I see each other we still flirt like crazy and just genuinely care about each other. I have assumed they will get married and closed that chapter in my life. However, I went over there last week to visit and things got a bit out of control. A bunch of us were hanging out and the old roommate/girlfriend was not there. We were drinking and having a great time.

I noticed that the guy was being overly affectionate (playing with my hair, hugging me, always getting me a drink ect.), but thought nothing of it. At one point he even walked over to me and kissed me on the mouth. As the night went on people slowly began to go to bed. I asked this friend if I could just crash on his couch and he said no problem (I have done this a million times; I used to always do it when I lived there as he had air-conditioning in the summer and I didn’t). The second everyone was gone he came over to me and I thought he wanted to dance. Instead he pushed me onto his bed and started kissing me.

At first I kissed back, but then realized what I was doing and stopped. He made a comment like “This is our last chance”. We then talked about it for a while and he told me this is something we should have done 3 years ago. I agreed with him, but I also said “aren’t you practically married?” (On a side note, at 35 he will be moving in with her in 1 month and this is the first girl he has ever lived with. She is 25). He said he was practically married but that he needed to know that he wasn’t missing out on me. I agreed with him, I also needed to know that I hadn’t made a huge mistake years ago. Kissing led to much more but we stopped. I decided I needed to leave and as I was leaving things got super heated and we ended up sleeping together.

The sex wasn’t bad, but I didn’t feel fireworks. Afterwards we just laid there together. I asked him what he would do when I left in the morning, because she would still be there. He answered saying that we were friends who did what was natural to us and had it not been that night it would have happened another night. That we would always share this and when we’re in a room together and we make eye contact we’ll never forget it.

Here’s the thing, I don’t feel bad about sleeping with him. I agree this is something I needed to know. I don’t feel guilty, or like “the other woman” and I certainly don’t want to date him. My question is, why do guys cheat. In this situation he has had a girlfriend for 2 years, he is moving in with her and says he is practically married to her. So why, on this particular night did he decide he would chat on her. It actually makes me angry that he did. Granted I contributed to this fact, but he initiated it. So why do guys do this when they have a good thing?

The question is, why did this guy cheat? Having been cheated on myself, I think some guys do it bc they are freaking out in their current situations. This guy is 35 and is moving in with a girl for the first time??? This girl was someone he cared about an obviously had wanted a relationship with. Maybe he did this so he could move forward with his current relationship and not ever wonder about “what could have been”…maybe the OP felt the same way.

|Age: 27

Ahhhhhh…..now I get it.

I’ll preface my response with a story.

I played softball years ago with a group of people. One woman on the team and I became friends. She, like me, was the youngest of 5 girls and from Boston. She also lost her father when she was very young. Red Flag #1.

So one night she goes away on business with a co-worker she had been crushing on. A married co-worker. She comes back and she tells me that she had slept with him. She then told me that she went to his office that morning to say Hi, but what she really wanted was to get a look of any pictures he may have had in his office of his wife.  Red Flag #2.

Then, a few weeks later, she and I were out for drinks. Some guy approached me and started talking to me. He walked away for a minute, and she mentioned that she thought he was cute. I really couldn’t care either way about him.  But I didn’t tell her that because I was still feeling him out. He came back with a beer for me, we chatted a bit, I wasn’t all that interested but, again, I didn’t tell her that. I asked her to watch my purse as I went upstairs to speak to another friend. I came back down 15 minutes later and she’s gone. My purse was sitting in the middle of the floor. Red Flag #3.

She proceeded to call me daily at work and at home. I didn’t answer. I knew why she was calling, and I wasn’t letting her off the hook that easily. When I finally did answer a few days later, she was all “Oh my God…are you, like, mad at me?” I asked her why she’d ask that. Which is what you should do when you know someone feels guilty for something. She said she thought I was mad about her taking that guy home. She fucked him, she said. No, I said. I didn’t even know you left with him.

I was just pissed you left my purse on the floor. Her flat response spoke volumes. “Oh” she said. That’s when I realized that she wanted me to be angry. But I wasn’t, since I didn’t want the guy in the first place.But she wanted the satisfaction of feeling as though I was hurt that that guy chose her over me. That’s why she did it. That’s why she wanted to see pictures of the married co-worker’s wife. She wanted to see if she was prettier than her so she could think he would eventually choose her over the wife.

Another night she and I went to a Corporate Challenge, which was a marathon type event held every month for professionals in Manhattan. We walked in to the bar and looked for seats. As we walked towards the end of the bar she said to me, without even turning her head my way, “Do you ever notice how many guys look at you when you walk in to a bar?”

Right then, I ended the friendship in my mind. Her needs were too great. Her issues were obvious to everyone but her and she was never going to change.

The woman who submitted this letter to me was basically trying to get me or anyone else to soothe her ego after the guy didn’t immediately break up with his girlfriend. She needs to believe that she so haunted this guy that he needed to clear her out of his system before he could ever love anyone else fully and completely. She expected him to be torn or conflicted. When he wasn’t, she was hurt. She wanted to hear he was having second thoughts, that things weren’t working with his girlfriend, etc.

But the thing to remember about women like this is that this isn’t simply about competition. No, this isn’t merely a case of one woman wanting to “beat” another. The woman who wrote this letter, and women like her, are not actually competing with other women. They are competing with their own self-esteem and sense of self-worth. The only person they are trying to prove something to is themselves. They need to believe that they are so special/important/interesting/worthwhile because there’s this little voice in the back of their head that tells them every day that they aren’t. That voice is who women like this are competing against.

They need to believe that they somehow defeated that voice in their head. Only that voice is never silenced, and this behavior continues. Every time they are not “chosen” they become more determined. Which means their behavior and the routes they take to be the victor become more severe and more desperate.

They will not stop until they become The Chosen One.  Whether it’s breaking up a marriage, destroying another woman’s relationship or fighting for attention with a man’s young daughter.

They will not accept second place.

That quote was part of a long list compiled by writer Sandra Prior.

It’s one of the best lists I’ve ever read about The Male Mind. Rounding out the rest of my top ten:

1. I think about you more than you realize. I just don’t phone or e-mail you every time it happens.

2. Making me ask a man for directions is like me telling you to ask another woman for fashion advice.

3. I love being seduced, so please do it more often. Always being the one to start things off sexually puts more pressure on me than you realize.

4. It’s actually not okay to pee in front of me all the time. It’s just a little too familiar, you know?

5. If I stand a chance with you, never play hard to get. I’m so freaked out by rejection I’ll just assume you aren’t into me and stop calling.

For the rest of my top ten (and the 40+ quotes on the rest of the list…)

6. Ask me to do something for you and you’ll remind me I’m a man. Tell me how to do something and you’ll remind me of my mother.

7. You may have heard you can tell whether a guy is good in bed if he’s a good dancer. It’s not true. Like most men, I’m too self-conscious to let loose on the dance floor.

8. I’m honestly blind to reading your body language in bed. Speak up.

9. You can discover what fires me up if you can find my porn stash.

10. When you get up from our table at a restaurant or bar to go to the bathroom, I scan the room to see who checks you out.

New Gay Dilemma: Suffering From Dicklash

I don’t know what normal people do on Mondays, but I spent mine looking at hot naked men all day. Well, not all day. I went for a doctor visit first, which is exactly that. We quickly dispense with the boring medical business; then talk shoes, boys, plastic surgery, and cosmetics. Then we plan to go to lunch or something. We spent most of the visit discussing whether or not she should get implants, and I told her I would do a post on my personal decision process later this week.

I saw so many pictures of naked men that I now have a condition called “dick lash”.

My eyes hurt from taking in so much male pulchritude. I swore when I went to the gym later that I wouldn’t even glance at any of the glistening weight room boys. After a few hours of nothing but pictures of gorgeous, barely dressed, sometimes butt ass naked men, I have come to a conclusion.