QUESTION:
As an underpaid psychoanalyst, I thought you might be able to help us. After a month’s breakup last year due to infidelity on my part over a need to get some butt, my lover and I decided to give it another go. I told him I’d agree to a monogamous relationship if he’d learn to, er, uhm, take it like a man. I expressed my need to be the top occasionally and that I was not willing to live out the rest of my life without fucking someone every now and again. I feel our acts of love should be a free exchange of roles (top some; bottom some). He said he’d be willing to work with me on learning the pleasures of receiving. I was elated because I really love this guy.
So I moved back in and agreed to monogamy. It has been almost a year and I still haven’t gotten any. We talk about it some, to which he replies “Later,” and I occasionally ease my finger up his arse when we make love, but he is adamant about not going any farther. He says he just doesn’t get the pleasure I do out of being penetrated. Hmmm. Frustration is setting in and my eye is wandering. Frankly, I’m afraid I might end up cheating on him again. Maybe I was a bit foolish thinking he would change. And, maybe I’m a bit foolish even bringing this up as a point of contention in an otherwise perfect relationship. For the sake of love, do I just give up my need to top?