Q:
Do you think I should be honest about how many sexual partners I’ve had? It’s not like my new boyfriend is ever going to meet them (well, at least most of them!) and I think whether they deny it or not, deep down men don’t like the thought that their partner has had lots of men.
— No Virgin
Dear No Virgin:
Couples dive in dangerous waters when they ask about their partner’s sexual history. Friends may be impressed that you need a logarithm to figure out how many parts you’ve poked but potential partners will most likely be appalled. Which frankly, seems a bit strange to me. I love to hear my boyfriend’s past exploits. It doesn’t bother me because I’m more concerned about our future than his past. Besides, there’s a curious double standard going on. Guys want their partners to be great in bed, but they don’t want to hear what it takes: Practice!
Unless you’re pretty sure of his reaction, I would avoid the conversation at all costs. If he asks, then duck, dodge and weave. The best way is to simply say, “You know, I make it a personal policy not to talk or ask about past relationships. Nothing good has ever come of it. I’d so much rather talk about *our* sex life.”
If he’s insistent, then you KNOW he’s going to have a fit if the number is north of what he considers acceptable. All the more reason not to tell him. But if you feel you have to, remember the best defense is a good offense. Ask him what number is acceptable to him. What number keeps you in the “good girl” category and what number cages you in the “slut” pen? If he gives you a number, then you’ve got to decide if you want a relationship that requires lying to keep the peace.