Guest blogger Jackie Summers on what happens when rising demand meets a tight supply.
Sex. Money. In one way or another, these things manage to dominate much of our adult lives. So what happens when we apply economic theory to male/female relationships?
The laws of supply and demand claim that the greater the demand and the more scarce the supply of an item, the greater the cost. The producer names the tune and the consumer has got to dance. Apply this theory to sexual relationships and you get some interesting scenarios. You like sex and you’re a straight man? You must deal with a woman; they have the market absolutely cornered.
As a consumer this is a terrifying thought. Once the producer realizes that the supply can be obtained thru no other source, they could potentially set the price so astronomically high as to make it essentially unobtainable. Obviously we are not speaking about prostitution: the ‘price’ in this case simply becomes the minimum standard a woman is willing to accept in a man she chooses to be intimate with: his level of education and financial success, his attractiveness and personal grooming, his manners, conversational skill, charm, charisma, sexual prowess, his ability to be monogamous. If this theory were true, and women realized it, they could and should, run the world.
So why don’t they? Why don’t more women hold men accountable for their actions, or inactions? Why do these beautiful creatures we crave so deeply, date, have sex, bear children for and even fall in love with men who lie, cheat, are lazy, cheap, controlling, jealous, insecure, are abusive or just lousy lovers?
The reason is, as one very smart woman recently pointed out to me, the theory has at least three major flaws:
1) No matter how much a consumer wants a given product, the producer wants you to have that product. In other words, men may want sex, but women want sex just as much (well, almost).
2) Some women allow loneliness or low self-esteem to cloud their judgement. They fail to see innate value in themselves, and are willing to accept sex as a poor substitute for attention and affection. There will never be a shortage of men willing to exploit this and prey on such individuals. Jax maxim of the day: no man will value you more than you value yourself.
3) There have always been and will always be producers who are willing to flood the market with an inferior product. This drives the value of the market down as a whole. If sex can be obtained on any street corner, by any man who is either not required to meet the minimum criteria set by a woman, or is actually willing to pay for it as if it it were a commodity, what motivation does he have to conform to a higher standard?
The answer is devastatingly simple. It ain’t about the sex, it’s about the woman.
‘Pussy, ass, mouth, armpit’ the aforementioned woman bluntly pointed out ‘is all the same, if sex is all a man is after’ (yes, she invoked armpit sex). At the end of the day, what distinguishes one woman from the next is not what’s between her legs, it’s what’s between her ears.
A woman of charm and distinction, an emotionally evolved woman, a woman of passion, of cultural sophistication, wit, self-sufficiency, ambition, humility, a woman with breadth of character and depth of personality–this is a woman who can have any man she wants. Yes she wants sex, but only from a man who meets–or exceeds–her baseline minimum standards. Those whose criteria are deemed insufficient are not allowed to place their offering at the altar of the temple punanni. She’s willing to wait for it, because even though she gets horny and is not entirely immune from occasional bouts of self-doubt and insecurity, she sees enough intrinsic value in herself to not need a man in order to feel complete.
She could care less about the fact that other women lower their standards and give of themselves so easily, asking so little in return–she has zero interest in a man to whom this would appeal. Not everyone can afford a BMW, and not every man can be with her. Really, why would you have a lower standard for who you allow into your body than how you handle your finances?
For her, the succulence of intimacy is merely the culmination of a dance that has engaged her whole person; he stimulates her mind, soothes her soul, inflames her senses and arouses her body. Sex to this woman (and the man fortunate enough to be with her) isn’t commerce; it’s two equals exchanging something they both greatly desire, over and over and over again.
I can’t speak for all men, but personally the last thing I want is to have to force myself to talk to a woman I only want to sleep with. What I really want is to buck like funnies with a woman I love talking to and spending time with; someone who recognizes and appreciates the work she’s put into herself and sees it reflected in me, and wants to rip my clothes off. That woman can have everything that I am, and everything I will become.
And if she’s out there I hope she’s reading this…
© j summers 2010
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