Why Guys Lie

 

When it comes to love and sex, guys have so many problems with the truth they should have business cards that read, “Professional Liar.”

Take a look at any city magazine’s “Most Eligible Bachelor & Bachelorette” feature and you’ll see what I mean.  Here’s a typical answer a guy gave in a section called, “What I look for in a woman:”

“Someone with a good sense of humor who likes to have fun, is confident in who they are, likes to travel, and is honest and goal-oriented.”

Oh, Please.  Ireland’s pastures long for that kind of manure.   We men are visually-oriented sexcentrics, yet we will never, if asked what we look for in a mate, say what we really want:

“A hot babe who can tent my jeans and suck a softball through thirty feet of garden hose.”

Now, the truth is, that’s not all we want.  We also want mates with a sense of humor and other positive personal characteristics, but we want them wrapped in a package that Austin Powers best described as “Pure Shagability.” So why do guys lie?  Because we want to get laid.  And honesty is of no service to our goal.

Women –and gay men–often ask me why men lie and I always answer the same way: “Because you punish them when they don’t.”  For a guy, the true, honest, priorities-in-line answer to the question, “What I look for in a mate” would look something like this:

“I want somebody who’s so hot, wilted flowers spring to attention when they walk by.   They also have to be smart, kind, have a good sense of humor, like to travel, and be honest and genuine.”

But how would most women (and some gay men) respond to that?  Not well, and men know that.  So they lie.