Building Rapport With Your Body
Okay, you shook hands with your palm open by ten degrees and magnified the positive impressions by touching him on the elbow. Congratulations. You planted the flag. Could the pole be far behind?
Yes, if you start acting like him. Assuming you’re running the conversational bridges and rapport builders we talked about in Chapters Six and Seven, it’s time to launch a courtship phenomenon scientists call “Mirroring.” It’s a fancy way of saying that when men are in heat, they subconsciously imitate each other’s gestures, postures and expressions.
It creates rapport, a feeling of acceptance because they see themselves reflected in each other. It’s also a way of saying, “I like you, I’m on the same wavelength.” Or more to the point, “I want to pound the dust out of your rug.”
An Example
Let’s say you’re chatting up Shagability and you turn to face him a bit more directly. If he likes you, he’ll “mirror” you and turn to face you a bit more—all within five to fifty seconds. Don’t mirror too soon or too well, or he’s going to think you’re ridiculing him.
There’s a difference between mirroring and aping. So, if he leans back and drapes a leg over an armchair, then wait 30 seconds, lean back and extend your leg out. Imitate the essence without copying the specifics.
Is He Interested?
Check to see if he mirrors you. Change your posture, your sightline or what you’re doing with your hands and see if he does the same thing. You can also check by mirroring him and seeing his reaction. If he stays in the new position for a couple of minutes, he’s telegraphing his comfort with you.
If you mirror him and he immediately changes his position, he’s telling you he’s not on the same page. Back up and put that mirror in storage for a little while.
Mirroring can be a little misleading because men also tend to do it with guys they want to be friends with. So how do you tell the difference? By looking at…well, it won’t make sense without a little background.
See, when guys talk to other guys they’re interested in, they point to themselves. And you’re not going to believe where. I’ll show you. Stand with your feet about shoulder-width apart. Put your hands on your hips.
There. According to researchers, that’s a man’s most common “I’m interested in you” pose.
Now before we go on, try other versions of it—like putting your thumbs through your front belt loops, or tucking them under the top of your belts or your pants. Okay, got it? Now follow your hands down to your fingers. Where are they pointing?
Ahem.
The Crotch Point
Yes, when men are interested in you they’ll point to their penis. Communication researchers call this the “Crotch Point,” or the “Cowboy Stance.” It’s a primitive way of calling attention to your best (and if you’re lucky, biggest) asset.
It’s a more subtle version of the “penis display” primates use to assert dominance (instead of fighting, apes often spread their legs. The one with the biggest display wins). So, if you want to know if he likes you look down. Is he pointing to his burrito?
We do a lot to point down there—we wear tight pants or Speedo’s (some of us anyway), put on long floppy belts or wear long dangling keys from belt loops. What do you think crotch grabs on the dance floor are about? We will subconsciously do or use anything to point to that access of evil between our legs.
Once you’re mirroring each other like the left and right side of a dress shirt, an exchange of phone numbers –or body fluids—is practically inevitable. Congratulations, you bagged somebody who initially ignored you! Now you know: Just because he ain’t lookin’ doesn’t mean you can’t hook him.
Remember The Sequence
Keep hooking them by practicing regularly. Remember the sequence:
1. Approach from the side; never head-on.
2. Smile in a way that creates laugh lines.
3. Keep your palms open and your arms uncrossed.
4. Once you talk, get him to look in your eyes with the Align/Direct/Reinforce method.
5. Shake hands with your palm open by ten degrees.
6. Touch his elbow during the handshake.
7. Touch him lightly by grazing his hand, arm or elbow at appropriate times during your conversation.
8. Mirror his posture and gestures within five to fifty seconds.
9. Open the condom without ripping the package.
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Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys