How To Raise Your Sex Drive Part 19
The most loving thing you can do for your partner is to make him feel completely accepted, body and soul, without judgment or hesitation. This will give him the confidence that crowds out apprehensions, leaving space for sexual desire to grow. The most powerful way to do that is through a series of intimacy exercises that have the power to bring you together in strength, love, and unity.
While these exercises are designed to strengthen the emotional connection with your partner, it may be difficult for one or both of you to sustain the required eye contact, especially when it’s done in silence. For centuries, staring into somebody’s eyes was considered a trespass into their soul. Read through these exercises and if you don’t feel comfortable doing them, don’t. In fact, you have to be very comfortable with them because you have to lead the process.
The rewards, however, are substantial–a completely new, deeper experience of each other as lovers. These exercises are all different forms of saying “I truly love and accept you exactly as you are.” You don’t have to do all of them.
Pick the ones you feel most comfortable with and follow the instructions. Don’t treat the exercises as a prelude to sex. Be sure to talk to each other about what you experienced. If sex feels like a natural next-step then take it, but only if he initiates it.
The Belly Button Balance
Naked, lie side-by-side but in opposite directions (head to feet as opposed to head to head if you were sleeping). Put your right hand on each other’s bellies, feeling your abdomens rise and fall as you breathe. After a while your breathing patterns will naturally coordinate, furthering the sense of oneness. Most couples report a strong sense of being ‘aligned’ with each other. Do this for about five minutes.
The Heart Heater
Sit naked with your legs wrapped around each other’s waist. Stare into each other’s eyes and breathe in unison. Put your right hand on each other’s hearts and stay there for a few minutes. The three points of contact (legs, hands, heart) deepen a sense of unity and connection.
The Observatory
Get naked and sit cross-legged, face to face with your partner. Knees touching. Your hands are resting on his knees, palm up. He puts his hands on yours, palms down.
Now, look into each other’s eyes. In the first part of this exercise, he receives your gaze while you bestow it. Note the color, the size of the pupil, and other features. You’ll notice a lot of judgments come up (good and bad). Make mental notes but don’t break the silence or the eye contact.
Now take a break and cover your eyes with your hands for about a minute. Then place your hands in the same position as before and stare into each other’s eyes. But this time reverse roles. Receive his gaze. Let yourself be looked at. It’s a completely different feeling because you’re allowing him into you just as he’s allowing you into him.
As the observer becomes the observed it might feel like you don’t know where you begin and he ends. That’s the point—to experience unity. It’s not unusual at this point for people to cry as they notice how many barriers they’ve put up against the partner they love.
As those barriers evaporate (remember, you must keep at this in silence for a few minutes) you’ll feel vulnerable, exposed, and fragile. And as you realize that you can be all of those things safely in front of your partner, your emotional closeness grows.
The Star-Crossing
Get naked. Hmmm. Why does all my advice start with the words “Get Naked?” Gotta talk to my shrink about that. Anyway, lie down on a rug and spread your arms wide. Your legs should be about shoulder-width apart. Your lover stands over your crotch, sits his butt down on the ground between your legs, and mashes his butt cheeks against your crotch.
He then lays back and spreads his arms out next to your feet. He puts his hands on your feet and keeps them there. He spreads his legs over yours so that his feet are next to your hands. Hold his feet. If you could see it from above it looks like you’ve formed a star.
Notice the position. Your genitals are facing his but not touching. The space between them carries a very interesting vibe. You’re sexually vulnerable but emotionally connected (symbolized by the touching of each other’s feet).
The exercise brings up different feelings depending on whether your legs are over or under your lover (make sure to take turns). Either way, the point is to experience vulnerability and support simultaneously.
Fingertip Trespasso
Sit across from each other, naked, with knees touching. Raise both your hands, with only the smallest part of your fingertips touching (your right hand to his left, your left to him right). Then stare into each other’s eyes without saying a word. Concentrate on your partner’s left eye as it seems to heighten the experience.
Harmonious Breathing
Naked, sit facing each other with legs wrapped around each other’s waists. Look in each other’s eyes. Inhale in unison. Breathe at the same tempo, same time, same space. Breath and vision can create a union. Look deeply into the left eye of your partner. Then change to the right eye. Now change the breathing pattern. You exhale while your partner inhales. After a couple of minutes reverse. He inhales while you exhale. Now breathe in unison. Put your right hand on his heart. He does the same. Feel each other’s heartbeat.