How To Hit On A Straight Guy

QUESTION

I am a 26-year-old guy I’d like to say I look good and am well rounded though it’s a process. I know what qualities I like in a guy –the problem is getting up the nerve to find one much less talk to them.  I tend to like guys who work out and just have that masculine air about them. This typically backfires on me because I can’t tell if they are straight or gay. I end up not talking to them so I don’t make a total ass of myself and start hitting on the str8 guy and getting my ass beat or something like that.

I have tried the small talk thing–people don’t get subtle hints from me in the least. I say discretion is the better part of valor, however there is such a thing as too much. I’m not looking for an Adonis to come prancing on a rainbow but how can I hit on a guy where if he’s gay he’ll get it.

ANSWER:

You sound like a man-hating homosexual. Your letter fairly drips of condescension towards guys who don’t fit a total macho, masculine persona. I mean, what was that line about an Adonis prancing on a rainbow? Dude, lighten up.

I have to admit, it’s pretty hard to tell these days whether a guy is gay or not. Heterosexuals are becoming more homo and homosexuals are becoming more hetero. When you meet somebody who is in the middle of that space it’s hard to tell where their manhood likes to point.

Your paralysis stems from a false idea you have about how to pick up a guy.  Namely, that you have to “hit on him” rather than simply be friendly and see where that takes you. First, you have to establish a connection and the best way of doing that is to engage him in a conversation that’s interesting and funny.

Your problem as much as attitude. You have to stay open, friendly, and exciting if you want anything to happen.

There’s an old Irish saying: make her laugh and you’re halfway up her leg. I think that applies to men as well. And you’re never to make them laugh with an attitude like yours.

So your mission going forward is to make guys laugh. When that happens guys want to hang out with you. And at that point you can see and feel where the floor is sloping in terms of their sexuality. It doesn’t take much to ask, “where do you hang out?” If they don’t mention a gay or mixed bar you pretty much have your answer—they’re straight. Of course, if you’re in a small town where there really is not a gay bar or if the guy is too closeted to actually name a gay bar then you have to dig a little deeper.

And by digging what I really mean is to look at certain behaviors like prolonged eye contact and who he looks at when someone enters the room. One great way of telling whether a homo-looking heterosexual is actually a ‘mo is to see him in a crowd of good-looking women.

The more comfortable he is the more likely he is gay. Straight guys, a great deal of them anyway, have what I call hot girl phobia. They get all nervous and freeze up and don’t know how to talk to really beautiful women. The gay guys? We couldn’t care less and that’s why we’re so comfortable around women.

It’s okay to hit on a straight guy just like it’s okay for straight guy to hit on women. What’s not okay is to be disrespectful or make assumptions or rather act on assumptions that are not true.  Just like a straight guy should never assume a girl is interested without a “signal” of some kind (prolonged eye contact, flirtatiousness, etc.) gay guys should never assume that a guy is straight unless he gives some kind of signal.