Your Gay Love & Sex Questions Answered
“You can’t love someone until you love yourself.” Bullshit.
If I waited until I truly loved myself I’d still be a virgin. If I waited until I loved myself I would have never dated. If I waited until I loved myself I wouldn’t have had a single relationship. If I waited until I loved myself I’d be…
Dead. Or worse, boring.
That quote — “You can’t love someone until you love yourself” –is the perfect example of old time narcissism disguised as New Age aphorism. It’s an excuse for navel-gazing, a feel-good defense of romantic failures.
Whoever came up with that quote got on the Grey Goose bus and misshed their shtop. It’s like saying you can’t get on the field until you’re good enough to play. Ah, not quite. The only way to get good enough to play is to get on the field.
It’s interaction not introspection that builds self-esteem. Love ain’t a spectator sport. You don’t score by playing with yourself–that’s emotional masturbation. Any time you see the word “until” in the same sentence as “love” you know it’s a bunch of crap.
You can put conditions on a lot of things, but love ain’t one of them.
How To Tell Older Guys You’re Not Interested Online
From a reader: Whenever I’m online I’m always being hit on guys old enough to be my father. I’m 24 but all the guys who leave me messages are like in their late 30s or 40s. I like guys around my age or a little younger. Is there anyway I can attract younger guys and tell older guys I am not remotely interested without being rude?
–Young for fun
Dear Young,
Thanks for at least wanting to be nice about it. I’ve actually seen a profile that said, “Please don’t email me if you were the one who hit the switch when God said, ‘Let there be light!’”
Actually, that’s kinda funny; you might want to use that. No, seriously, here’s what you say: “Strictly into guys my age (24) or younger, no exceptions. Thanks for respecting my preferences.”
And if you still keep getting emails from older guys? Delete, delete, delete. You don’t owe anybody a response if they’ve contacted you after you’ve asked them not to.