Two Questions Every Guy You Hit On Thinks About

 

1. Are you hitting on me? If he likes you, you’re in. Stop reading. Go home. Enjoy him. If he’s not sure or he’s not immediately attracted, you better give him a reason for talking or your going to get your approach stamped, “REQUEST DENIED!” So say something like, “Help me settle a bet with a friend…” or “I’m asking you because…” The point is to give him context. You can always try the direct route—“because I want to bend you over the railing and pound the dust out of your rug.” But really, if it were that easy you wouldn’t need to read this post.

2. How long are you going to be? If he’s not immediately attracted to you, he’ll spend the whole time trying to get rid of you. So, use a “Time Constraint” –something that lets him know he’s a pit stop, not a landing spot. Like, “I have to get back to my friend in a sec, but I have to ask you…” Pair it with symmetrical body language—leaning away, or taking a couple of steps away as you’re talking. When it comes to dating or hooking up, the shortest distance between two zippers isn’t always a straight line.

By giving him 1) a rationale for talking and 2) leaving quickly, you’ve set up an exquisite question in your future ex-husband’s mind–“Was that guy interested or just being friendly?” That’s exactly where you want him: Wondering. Because wondering will make him more receptive to your company when you come back–and you will (more on how later), giving you the opportunity to charm the pants off him.

And inch him closer to that railing.

 

Can You Tell What He’s Like In Bed By How He Acts On A Date?

Are there hidden signs, give-away gestures that can tell you whether you’re going to have sex after a date?And more to the point, if the sex will be any good? I was having drinks with a few friends and we came up with some thoughts. Like, if you open the car door for your date and he doesn’t reach over to unlock your door it usually means he doesn’t like to give head.

We were joking, of course. There’s only one sign that accurately predicts how he’ll be in bed:

If a guy makes it a point to say he doesn’t have sex on the first date he’s going to blow you so hard your shoes are going to fly off. Anytime somebody insists on casting themselves in a morally superior position, they’re hiding their inner beast.

Still, I love the idea that how he acts on a date will predict how he’ll act in bed. Here’s a few thoughts I came up with. If he:

Gets in the car without opening the door for you: No foreplay.

Takes too long deciding what to order: Takes forever to cum.

Orders salad dressing on the side: Hand job but no fucking.

Gives explicit orders to waiter: Demanding top

Insists on ordering for you: Power bottom

Asks for “The Usual” when ordering drinks: Missionary position only.

Finishes eating before you do: Premature ejaculator

Insists on having some of whatever you ordered: Will hog the covers.

Changes mind after ordering: Won’t call you after the date.

Changes tables: Nymphomaniac

Sends food back: Won’t swallow

Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts: Wants you to talk dirty in bed

Answers cell phone at dinner: Pivot man at the orgy.

Wants to split dessert: Dying to move in with you.

Gets credit card refused: Dying to move in with you.