How To Have Gay Sex With A No Pain Contract

Getting ready to bottom means using fingers, sex toys, and of course, penises to stretch your sphincter. By signing my NO PAIN CONTRACT you promise to never, EVER go past your comfort threshold with these sphincter-stretching exercises or the lovers you go home with.

Not even a little bit. The terms are simple: No Pain, No Way, No How, Not Ever.

Signing my NO PAIN CONTRACT will help you go on a voyage you might otherwise not take. It’s your word to yourself that it will be a safe, enjoyable journey, not some painful slog requiring an upgrade to your health insurance.

The great part of my NO PAIN CONTRACT is that it comes with a money-back guarantee. Violate any of the terms and you’re obligated to pay me the equivalent of the digital edition price of this book—$9.99 USD.

Hey, I said there was a money-back guarantee!

Oh, it gets better. By signing the contract you also agree to pay me $9.99 each time you violate the terms of the contract. It’s a memorable way to keep you honest and operate on the principle that pain is a choice.

Ready to sign?

(Holds up pen)

NO PAIN CONTRACT

This is an agreement between Me, Myself, and I (hereafter referred to as “Moi”).

“Moi” agrees to approach anal sex with a commitment to NO PAIN.

This applies to all insertable objects, including fingers, sex toys, cucumbers, lightbulbs and other idiocies horny men tend to think are good ideas at the moment.

Oh, and penises. Especially penises.

“Moi” agrees to never push himself past discomfort into pain, even if he’s in bed with a guy so hot wilted flowers stand at attention when he walks by.

“Moi” agrees to pain only under the following circumstances: NEVER.

If “Moi” violates the terms of this contract he agrees to pay the author of How To Bottom Like A Porn Star the retail cost of the book’s digital edition–$9.99.

 

_________________________
Signature

Have A Pre-Coital Cigarette

Ahhh, now that you’ve signed the contract, doesn’t it feel like the weight of a huge penis has been lifted off your shoulders?

You have contractually obligated yourself to anal sex with NO PAIN. You have now replaced the expectation of pain with the expectation of NO PAIN.  You have now replaced a formula that makes no sense (no pain=no gain) with one that does (no pain= gain).