Planning Your First Hangout After Meeting Him On The Apps

Always convey that you have a tight schedule. This does two things for you: 1) It gives you a “let out” (if the meeting doesn’t go well you have a face-saving way of letting yourself out). 2) It gives the impression that you’re making time for him, without being arrogant.

Here are a few examples…

“Hey, I’ll be busy for the next two days. I should be available on Wednesday at 6 PM, though!” Tell me if this works for you.

“Things are really hectic for me this week! But I’ll definitely be available on

Saturday around 4 PM. Let me know.”

Be in charge.

Don’t ask where you should meet. Tell him (nicely). There’s nothing worse than going round and round about where you should meet. It’s called definitive statement-making. Look at the difference:

“Uhm, Should we meet at the corner Starbucks or the one on 8th Street?”
“Let’s meet at the corner Starbucks. They’ve got better cookies.”

Notice there are no maybes or “uhm’s” in the second sentence. Learn to put figurative down-strokes on your statements. You’ll sound more confident, raise your social standing and create more attraction.

The point isn’t to be bossy or controlling, but to move things along.

The First Phone Conversation (if there is one)

Don’t let bad phone mojo ruin a potential date. The truth is, most of us are nervous when we dial a stranger, let alone a good looking one whose child we want to carry (!) Here are some tips to get you over the hump.

Prepare, prepare, prepare.

Review his profile, keep it up on the screen and scan it while you’re dialing.

Give him your full attention.

Nothing turns a prospect off like getting a call from somebody who’s simultaneously watching TV or doing something distracting.

Ask lots of questions.

Questions are the breath of life for a conversation. They minimize awkward silences. They’re also a great indicator that you’re interested (why would you ask questions if you weren’t?).

Assume Rapport.

Pretend you’re calling a good friend. Talk to him like you’ve known him for years. Sometimes that means skipping over all the “how are you’s and nice to meet you’s” and launching straight into a conversation.

Sometimes when I call a good friend I don’t even say hello. Example: “OMG, you wouldn’t believe what I just did…” Try that with Mr. Stranger. You won’t believe what an icebreaker it is.

Use Open Body Language On The Phone.

Hello? Can you hear my hands? If you’re nervous about making a phone call to somebody you just met, keep your arms uncrossed, your palms open and smile even though he can’t see you. You’ll come across friendlier and more appealing.

Smile! (Again).

Seriously, grin it up as you dial. It may feel fake at first but then it will feel natural. A smile on your face translates to warmth in your voice. It makes a difference. Try it.

Be The First To Hang Up.

Especially if the conversation starts to drift. It’s better to wrap things up with a perky “Gotta go now! Let’s talk again soon!” than to keep a dying conversation alive by asking him about global warming or the price of soybean futures. But there’s an even better reason to be the one to hang up: Control.

By saying you have to go, you bring in your frame of reference not his. Namely, that you’re busy—a catch—and that you’re not afraid to end things. It’ll make him appreciate your next conversation better.

While you’re on the call, beware some potential problems:

Call When You Say You’re Going To Call.

Sometimes being ambivalent about following up with someone (you kinda/sorta like him but you’re not crazy about him) will lead you to play deliberate phone tag. Maybe you call when you know he’ll be at work.

Or you tell him to call when you know you won’t be available. Eventually, when nothing happens because of all the missed connections, you tell yourself, well, at least I tried. No, you didn’t. Suck it up and call when you’re supposed to. You never know—he might just end up being the love of your life.

Consider Using Skype or Other Video Chatting Service.

Let’s get real here. The thing that’s going to determine a successful hookup or meeting is whether you’re physically attracted to the guy you’re meeting. Doing a video chat can help you make that determination without the awkwardness of meeting.

Once, I traded pics with a really cute guy. The problem was, he only had three pics and he lived far away. Naturally, I was skeptical. We went on video chat and from the moment the video came on I was hooked. He was actually better looking than his pictures!

Video chatting is the equivalent of a pre-purchase sample. It’s like a taste-test before you commit. I strongly suggest you sign up for a video chatting service. They’re free!

Getting from “I like this guy’s profile,” to “We have a date!” doesn’t have to take a long time. There’s no formula, time-wise but exchanging two e-mails, having one or two phone conversations (preferably a video chat), and meeting—all within a few days isn’t unreasonable (for hookup sites it can literally be immediate).

SUMMARY

Keep your messages short. Otherwise it’s too much too soon. A short paragraph or two is fine. For hookup sites, a sentence or two.
Mention some aspect of his profile. It sets the tone for common ground and makes him feel you took the time to read it.
Ask questions. They’re more likely to lead to a response. Plus, it makes it easier to talk about something.
Stay away from politics, religion or race.
Spell Check! Bad grammar? Good luck. Nobody wants an uneducated oaf.
Upgrade to a phone call quickly. The longer you stay on email or text the harder it will be to make the transition to a meeting.
Ask for his number; don’t offer yours. If he gives it to you it means he’s interested. If you simply give him yours you have no power over the situation.
Tell him you have a tight schedule when setting up a meeting. It makes you seem in demand.
Don’t ask where you should meet; tell him. It’ll move things along faster.
First phone conversation: Prepare by reviewing his profile, turn off background tv noise or music, and ask a lot of questions.
Use open body language on the phone. Keep palms and arms open and SMILE. You will over-ride the natural nervousness of talking to a stranger.
Be the first to hang up. It gives you more control and leaves the other person hungry for more.
Call when you say you’re going to call. Anything less and he has a right to call you a flake.
Use a video chatting service before you meet. It’s like a taste test before purchase. If he’s not all that, you’ll avoid unnecessary meetings and if he is, you’ll have something to look forward to.

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys

Gay Dating Resources

Gay Dating Advice
Gay Texting Tips
Gay Body Language
How To Meet Guys