How To Avoid Conversational Dead-Ends On The First Call

 

The trick to preventing conversational dead-ends is to jump from one subject to the other BEFORE any one subject dries up.  You do this all the time with good friends–you just don’t realize it.  Here, look at the difference in conversational styles between:  

You and a Stranger…

You:  Have you been to that new boutique hotel downtown?

Stranger:  No, I haven’t.  Have you?  (continues thread)

You:  Yeah, it’s pretty rad (continue thread)

Stranger:  What makes it so different?  (continues thread)

You:  It’s got a pool in the middle of the lobby.  (continue thread)

Can you spell B-O-R-I-N-G?  Now look at the same conversation if you’d had it with a good friend…  

You:  Have you been to that new boutique hotel downtown?

Friend:  Oh yeah, I banged a guy in the condo next door!  (opens a new thread)  Is it worth going to?  (jumps back to first thread)

You:  Is there any building in this town you haven’t had sex in?    You’re like a walking petri dish.  (Open new thread).  Anyway, the hotel’s pretty rad, actually.  (Return to original thread).  

Friend:  It’s not my fault you can’t get laid.  Try talking to a guy without looking at your shoes for once.  (opens yet another thread).  What makes it so different?  (Returns to original thread).

You:  Yes, I want to be just like you–walk into the STD clinic and say, “I’ll have the usual!”  (open another thread)  No, thanks.  Anyway, it’s got a pool in the middle of the lobby.

Strangers talk in a single thread (boring); friends talk in multiple threads (exciting).  Think of a subject you bring up to him as a “thread” in the mosaic of a conversation.  You’d have a pretty boring piece of fabric if you made the whole thing out of one single string.  So create multiple ones.  Multiple threads create energy, rapport and the feeling that you have a lot to talk about.   

Multiple threads also create a mild form of suspense in the way the best TV shows do.  Before they go to commercial break TV shows end with a mini-cliffhanger so you’ll be sure to stay tuned.  You can do the same thing in a conversation through multiple threads.  

Example:  

“Which singer would you want to be in the Village People?  Wait!  Before you answer, did I tell you what happened to me today?  (tell your quick story, then…) Oh my bad, so which singer would you want to be?”

Multiple threads create open loops to give you the opportunity to come back and close them.  They add suspense.  Any time you introduce an unresolved question, an unfinished sentence, or cut a story off you add a little intrigue.  Another example:  So my secret to making a perfect cup of coffee is to, wait, did you just see that dog hanging out of the car window?!  

You can easily add multiple threads by noticing something new and getting more excited about it than what you were talking about.  Then return to the original thread.

 

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