How To Raise Your Sex Drive Part 21
This part of our series focuses on your partner, so we’re talking to HIM in this post; not you. Sorry, darling!
Kisses are the keys to his kingdom. If you get that wrong it doesn’t matter what else you can do right because you probably won’t get the chance to do it. Ask him to demonstrate what he considers a sexy kiss. Be a good student–shut up and do what you’re told. Kissing is so important to your ability to light up his libido that it’s worth going over a few points about good kissing:
- Be gentle. Start slow and build to a crescendo.
- Move your tongue smoothly. Think swirl, not darts.
- Vary the pace from passive to active, from slow to fast to back and forth, from dry to wet, to gentle and wild.
- Breathe through your nose. It prolongs the kiss.
- Create anticipation by going in for a kiss, stopping before your lips meet, holding the moment the way a pianist holds a chord, then resolving it gently.
- Close your eyes. Nothing ruins the romance more than two giant beach balls staring at you.
- Make sounds. Small, almost imperceptible sounds. Communicate what you like and what you’re feeling through noises, not words. A tiny rumble here, a soft moan there.
- Kiss your partner’s eyes. The heat of your lips on his eyelids will drive him crazy.
- Let your desire show. Look at your partner with a deep, rapacious, insatiable hunger. The way oil company executives do when they see the Alaska wilderness.
Get Him Out Of His Head
It will be hard for him to refuse sex if you can consistently deliver orgasms that lift his house off the foundation. But business-as-usual isn’t going to get him to the detonation. Own the process of making it real for both of you. Don’t wait for the cat to bark. Take the lead. Take control. You can’t expect a man who’s been avoiding sex to lead the process. Make sex an escape from his judgments rather than a reminder of them.
Exercise Together
A University California at Berkeley study provided the first direct evidence that male sweat sexually arouses women, so it’s logical it would work on gay men. This isn’t a license to smell so bad that he loses his short-term memory. Make sure you’re reasonably clean. The research on androstadienone is so compelling that you should…
Let Him Choose Your Colognes
Because of its pheromone-like properties, some cologne manufacturers use androstadienone as an additive. Take your partner shopping and have him choose what he likes. Make sure he tests it, as colognes smell differently when the chemicals interact with your skin. And while you’re shopping pick up some high-quality chocolate. It contains phenylethylamine, a neurotransmitter that activates the brain’s pleasure center, and caffeine, which can provide a much-needed surge of sexual energy.
Clean Up Your Act So You Can Clean Up In The Bedroom
Knowledge and wisdom are two different things. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Now that you have knowledge of your partner’s situation, exercise it with wisdom. Don’t contribute to the problem by making comments about his appearance or comparing him to other men. Contribute to the solution by creating a safe space for his confidence to grow, showing agenda-free affection, and creating an appealing environment for sex.
You can’t do any of this without taking the initiative, leading the process, and encouraging him to participate. He wants you the way you want him to want you. He just needs a little help in expressing it. Be that help.