How To Increase Your Sex Drive Part 18
Have you ever teased your partner about his appearance? Or made veiled comments about his weight? Or visibly noticed other men in front of him? That’s proof that God gave you a brain and a penis but only enough blood to run one at a time.
Any comparisons to other men or comments that hint at dissatisfaction with his body will make your chances in the bedroom fall faster than a six-pack through a beer bong. Your job is to make sure that never happens. Here’s how:
* Don’t make jokes about your partner’s appearance
This is a hard one for men because teasing has a central place in the way they communicate. It’s the driving force of male personalities and the way they show camaraderie. You can’t do that with your partners. Not about their appearance, anyway. Once, a friend came out wearing some new clothes he had just bought. He asked his husband the mother of all relationship-busting questions: “Do these jeans make me look fat?” His husband taught me something valuable that day—that there’s a worse answer than yes. It’s, “Let me back up so I can take the whole thing in before I answer.” He slept on the couch so long the fabric still has the imprint of his face.
* Don’t look at magazines featuring gorgeous men and then hit on your partner
My friend Jeff did it once. Here’s how his partner reacted: “There is no way you’re laying your hands on me after you’ve looked at all those beautiful men. You’re not going to use my body to fulfill your porn fantasies!” The only action he got that night was the on/off switch on the cable box.
* Don’t ask him to do things that invite self-consciousness
This is not the time to switch the stadium lights on and ask him to strip. The same goes for asking him to model swimwear or doing a modified pole dance. It will ignite his appearance anxiety like a propane torch. This is disappointing, of course, because watching a man disrobe is a huge turn-on for gay men, but think of it as a postponement rather than a cancellation. Eventually, he will have the confidence to do all these things, just not right now.
* Don’t pay attention to beautiful men in front of your partner
Shut up and look away. Otherwise, it’s like telling your partner you wished he was prettier, taller, and thinner. How’d you like it if he elbowed you while you were watching porn and said, “Now that’s a cock!”
* Don’t use the wrong porn as an arousal technique
Watching porn together can be an exciting way to spice things up, but the porn you like is probably going to do more harm than good. He’s going to compare himself to the men on the screen and feel bad about himself. Worse, he’ll think you put the porn on because you’re dissatisfied with his body and want to see somebody else’s. Instead, let him pick the porn videos. That’ll ensure a smooth ride for everyone.
* Be specific in your compliments
Saying “I like your legs” is good. Saying, “I love the way your legs look in those shorts” is better. Saying, “It’s hard to concentrate at work because I can’t stop thinking about how your legs looked in those black shorts” is best.
* Show Him How You Feel About His Body
If there’s something you like about his body, don’t just tell him, show him. If his legs drive you crazy, tell him while you massage them. A touch is more powerful than a verb. A stroke is stronger than an adjective. Compliments have limited effects on body-conscious men because they rarely penetrate the wall of negative judgments. Touch operates on a deeper level because the body can override entrenched thoughts. A pleasurable sensation has more power than a negative thought.