How To Measure Your Dick

When you look at your own penis you’re looking down. When you see other men in a locker room you’re looking across. 

This gives you an unfair basis of comparison because looking down compresses the visual line while looking across expands it.  The result? False evidence you’re smaller than everyone around you.

But this is quite literally an optical illusion. It’s caused by the different angles you use to make visual comparisons. You can easily stop the illusion with a simple trick: Don’t look down; look in the mirror.  

Once you look at your dick at the same angle you look at other men’s dicks, you come to an inescapable conclusion: You’ve been wrong about the size of your dick. Some experts joke that this simple trick (looking in the mirror) adds an “optical inch” to your prized possession. More to the point, it puts back the optical inch you lose when you look down instead of across.

The Six-Inch Myth

The average penis size is not six inches. The “six-inch myth” got started when Kinsey did his landmark penis size study back in the ’50s. Although there were 2,000 men in his study, it had a fatal flaw—the results were self- reported. Men were asked to go into a room, get themselves hard, and measure themselves. 

Now tell me, would you believe anything coming out of a man’s mouth while he’s holding his dick?

Men always lie about size. It’s why we came up with maps that associate an inch with a mile. Realizing that too many men were going Pinocchio on their penises, urologists developed a new way of measuring the size of the prize: A third party. 

So, now every legitimate penis study includes medical staff doing the measuring and reporting. And guess what happened? The average erect penis size shrank from Kinsey’s 6.2 inches to 5.1- 5.8 inches, depending on the study.

Exactly How Big Are You? Let’s Find Out.

The single best way to manage penis size anxiety is to actually measure Willie so that you can deal with facts rather than myths. There are two widely recognized ways of measuring your dick. The most common is the “You Wish” method popularized by gay hookup apps. It involves looking at your pinky and describing it as a thigh.

Instead of using wish fulfillments as a measuring stick, let’s use the same scientific method urologists use:  

1. Get undressed at room temperature. “Shrinkage” will occur if it’s cold.
2. Use a cloth ruler. Tape measures or straight edge rulers don’t measure curvatures well.
3. Lie on your back and start where the base of your penis meets your stomach. Do NOT start from the back of your balls. Nobody includes the basement when they quote the height of a skyscraper, so don’t include the tip of your ass in quoting yours.
4. Round up to the nearest centimeter, not the nearest foot.
5. Read it and weep. Most men will fall below six inches.

Actually, there’s a much faster and easier way to make the measurements. You don’t even need to get hard to do it. All you have to do is stretch your flaccid flogger and measure it from the penopubic region to the tip. Believe it or not, every major study shows a high correlation between erectile and flaccid/stretched length.

When all is said and done, the majority of us will fall somewhere below six inches. Skip the weepy letters about how awful it is to have an average-sized dick. Studies show that men with bigger penises are not more sexually satisfied than average-sized men.

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