How To Increase Your Sex Drive Part 16
You may be the one smoking with hurt but if you have a partner he’s breathing it in. Second-hand suffering is hazardous to his health. He’s feeling rejected, hungering for your touch, and having his opinions dismissed.
You have shared custody of sexual challenges. You may own the issue but he’s making a lot of the payments. He’s got a vested interest in helping free you raise your libido and my guess is that he’d be more than willing to do whatever he can. So hand him this chapter. He’ll get a better understanding of what you’re going through and find out ways he can help.
Okay, Mr. Lover, has he given you the book? Good. Read it when he isn’t around. Otherwise, he’ll have one eye on what he ’s doing and one eye on your reactions. And really, that’s not an attractive look.
What About Me?
You’re hurt, angry, and rejected. What’s especially galling is that nothing on your end has changed. You’re still the same guy he was attracted to when you first met. You haven’t let yourself go, you’re reasonably attentive to him, and other areas of your relationship are in a decent state. In some cases, sex was problematic from the start. In others, it was fine, maybe even great, but then things went south. What happened?
You start feeling isolated. You wonder how he can sleep so peacefully when you lie there looking at him with so much longing. You resent that he controls the sexual relationship. The sex seems so infrequent and meager you feel like he ’s doling it out as if he has to make it last until the end of the month.
Thoughts flash through your mind: He no longer finds you attractive, he doesn’t love you, you don’t sexually satisfy him, he’s cheating on you. Sometimes he dismisses your needs as pure horniness as if all you wanted was a release and didn’t care how you got it.
He doesn’t understand that the only way you feel really connected is when you’re touching, holding, and making love. That it makes you feel like a man, a man who knows how to take care of his man.
Role of Sex
He doesn’t understand that sex–his touch, his warmth, your union with him– is the way you express and receive love. That when sex goes, it’s not like a cookie got taken away, it’s like the foundation of your love cracked.
Up to now, you’ve probably been kept in the dark about why sex dried up like a peach in the back of the fridge. Men don’t exactly announce their anxieties (“Honey, I’m going to avoid sex, and if you guilt me into it I’m going to shut the lights, wear camouflage clothing, pretend that I like it, hope it goes by quickly and emotionally detach from it because I don’t really feel up to it”).
So let’s get this out of the way: It isn’t your fault. You are not the cause of the problem but that doesn’t mean you can’t contribute to the solution. There are some subtle and not-so-subtle things you can do to raise his libido and have the kind of sex that will take your relationship to the next level.
Next week: The first step is learning the art of Affection For Affection’s Sake.