Why Do Gay Men Like To Label Themselves In Bed?

 

Even in the fudge-packing world of butt pirates, as a sex advice columnist, I’m a contrarian. I’ve often been asked what position I prefer, top or bottom. I always answer truthfully and consistently none of your fucking business.

I won’t even answer the question when friends ask. Why? Because unlike my readers, I’m allergic to labels.

The only thing gay men seem to like more than assuming the position is assuming an identity. Oddly, we created whole identities out of sexual positions. Sex has a glorious, unlimited horizon. It’s uncharted territory no matter how many times we’ve been there before. 

It’s a journey toward discovery, an extreme sport, an escapist plot. It’s a tactical game, a tactile trade, a longing proscribed, a desire for bribe. It’s a criminal act, a loving act, sometimes purely an act. It’s all these things, none of these things, some of the time, none of the time, and sometimes at the same time.

And the best description we can come up with is “Top” and “Bottom??

We suck.

Labels take you from liberty to limitation in 60 self-adhesive seconds. If you perform a sexually aggressive act, labels demand you take on a sexually aggressive persona. 

If you perform a sexually receptive act, labels mandate the conception of a submissive identity. Label love turns the principles of pleasure into the politics of penetration.

Other than label love, the letters I get on this subject tend to focus on guys who can’t seem to put anything up their butts, guys who can’t keep anything out of it, and guys who have a love-hate relationship with the whole mess.

The most interesting questions, as always are not the medical ones, but the ones that reveal something much greater than the sex acts they’re inquiring about. For instance, the letter from a butch guy who didn’t want his nelly boyfriend to top him. Interesting question. Would you let a nelly queen fuck you?