The Role of Cock Worship in Topping
Making your partner feel safe is the first step to great topping. The next step is to replace anticipatory pain with anticipatory pleasure; a pleasure intricately connected to what’s dangling between your legs.
Let me explain. Most men who bottom do it for two related reasons. Physically, they experience intense feelings unavailable to them in other sex acts. Psychologically, they want to submit to the power of a hard dick in a way they cannot with oral or manual sex.
For guys who like to bottom, oral and manual sex are more about what they can do to a dick. With anal sex, it’s more about what it can do for them. That’s why “dick,” specifically your dick, is the best way to understand your partner’s central motivation for bottoming.
Your dick is not just an appendage, it is the very symbol of everything he likes about men in general and you in specific. It’s worth exploring this a bit further because it has a direct impact on how you should approach topping and how good you can get at it.
The question we’re trying to answer here is simple: Why are we, as gay men, whether we prefer topping or bottoming, so attracted to erect penises? Let us count the ways.
A Hard Dick Is A Powerful Symbol of Something We Love: Masculinity
We are attracted to maleness, strength and virility and nothing personifies these traits more than the erect cock. It’s strong, it’s hard and it commands you to surrender. Few things can put your femininity in stark relief to masculinity more than a hard penis. It is not just the staff of life but the stuff of dreams. Wet dreams. It epitomizes almost every aspect of masculinity: It’s big, thick, hard, strong, muscled, driven, and, it must be said, without conscience.
If you like a man for being a man, then it’s only natural to crave the symbol of his manhood. When you hold your partner’s erect penis you should (hopefully) be in awe of its strength and want to feel its masculine power in every part of your body.
A Hard Dick Is Proof You’re Desirable
Knowing you can turn your partner on (look at that erection!) is the ultimate sexual compliment; a statement of your desirability. It’s a sexualized electrical current with a feedback loop—he gets excited so you get excited. He sees your excitement and gets more excited. And soon you’re both sucked into a vortex of desire.
A Hard Dick Is Proof You’re Powerful
You have power over anybody you give an erection to. After all, that hardon is a response to your presence. YOU are eliciting this response. I don’t know of a more convincing display of power than to completely own a man’s attention, to change his physical, emotional and psychological state. You got him hard? You have him right where you want him. Well done!
A Hard Dick Gives Your Partner The Chance To Submit
It is thrilling to yield to the power of a hard cock, to lose yourself in the adoration of the force, might and power of a man’s hardness. It is exhilarating to feel “owned” by his masculinity. Of showing reverence to Strength.
Submission means that by bending his will to the authority vested in your cock he can experience a form of therapeutic escape, of safety, protection. By glorifying your strength he can disappear into the unavoidable nothingness that comes from relinquishing all power. In this scenario, his butt is a spiritual offering, a way to exalt your command over him.
Anal sex is his chance to willingly succumb to your cock— to give himself over to it, mentally, physically and spiritually. Your cock is his Sun and he orbits around it.
Damn. Anybody else feel like a biscuit that just got buttered? Whew!
Your Hard Dick Gives Him The Chance To Dominate YOU
Paradoxically, bottoming—the ultimate in surrendering your body to another’s pleasure—is a vehicle to exert dominance. The pleasure of giving sits side by side with the pleasure of taking. Like Frieda Kahlo’s eyebrows, they cannot be separated. With anal sex these pleasures exist simultaneously.
First, he can control you with his ability to give you a hardon. Then, he decides how you’re going to feel by offering his butt. Then, he controls how you’re going to react when he lets you do the things you want to. HE will be responsible for YOU having the most sensational, meaningful experience possible.
A Hard Dick Brings You Emotionally Closer
Both you and your man are at your most vulnerable at the onset of anal sex. For example, he may feel emotionally at risk as he prepares to have your penis penetrate his body.
You might feel emotionally at risk as you prepare to “know” him in a kind of intimacy you may not be prepared for. This shared vulnerability increases the potential for connection by easing each other into comfort, rather than withdrawing into separate insecurities.
Given the centrality of Dick in our sexual longing, it stands to reason that the best tops give their partners an experience of everything we just talked about. And it all starts with the subject in the next chapter–foreplay.