How To Deal With Low Libido Part 10
In our last installment on low libido we talked about the importance of sex cues. Below is a list of the most common ones.
This is not a comprehensive list as every man is different, but it’s a starting point. If you don’t know whether something is a sexual cue for you, find out. For example, if you’ve never read erotic stories, buy them and see if your panties don’t float to the floor.
Sex Cues
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- Watching romantic movies
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- Viewing soft or hard porn (especially made-for-men films)
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- Reading erotic books or stories
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- Hearing a resonant male voice
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- Smelling a favorite after-shave
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- Smelling a man’s natural scent
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- Seeing a man dominate (in sports, business, or sex)
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- Consciously fantasizing about sex
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- Talking dirty
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- Doing something physical that gets you in touch with your body: Sunbathing, dancing, exercising, playing a sport.
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- Affection (hugs, kisses, holding hands)
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- Showering together
- A heart to heart talk with your date or partner
Context Makes Cues More Powerful
You can give your sexual cues more horsepower by providing them with a cue-friendly context. If a cue like reading erotic stories makes you hot, reading it in a crowded subway probably won’t. But reading it alone under a soft light while listening to chill-out music is a horse of a different color. Or a man on a horse of a different color, depending on your erotic preferences.
Identify, Cultivate & Engage Your Turn-Ons
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that a cue is not a cue unless it drenches you with desire. You don’t need a downpour; a sprinkle will do. Low libido men tend to wait until they’re overwhelmed with the desire to act on it.
This is a mistake, first because you’ll be waiting a long time for a powerful mood to strike, and second because it’s more effective to oxygenate a small spark into a three-foot flame. Look for subtle effects, subdued responses, and understated feelings. Like a certain male body part, arousal starts out flaccid but with a little massaging it can grow to impressive lengths.
Remember The Time That…?
Once you identify the cues that make your body sit up, point, and yell “squirrel!” it’s important that you access your sexual memory bank. Specifically, for memories of the best sex you ever had. When was the last time a man kept you in the bedroom so long your family put your face on a milk carton?
Play it back in the theater of your mind with a 70 MM camera and an Imax screen. Where were you? What were you wearing? What were you doing? What was he doing? What were you feeling? What was he saying?
Basically, you want to add oxygen to the spark created by the cue. This is what I mean by desire being a decision. You decide to look for sexual cues. Then you decide to access them in a context where sexual response can flourish, and then you decide to fan it with flashbacks.
Cultivating sexual cues is like cultivating sensuality–by understanding what your body needs and freely offering it, the body pays you back with a higher mood state. Over time, you will gradually experience an increase in your sex drive. As you do, it’ll be time for…