What Kind Of Top Do You Want To Be? Part 3 

For the past few weeks we’ve explored an important question you need to answer for yourself: what role do you want to take on in bed when you penetrate?

A dom top? A tender top? Something in between? What characteristics of a grab-it-and-growl dom top do you like? Some? None? All? Each of these archetypal penetrators express themselves uniquely in their lovemaking. 

Look at the past blog installments describing these archetypes. What characteristics of each do you like?  Like, does a tender top resonate with you? Again, absorb what feels right so you can express it authentically. 

Is Masculinity Over-rated?

Of course, there’s another way to look at your inner top.  Perhaps we are aiming too low.  We’re aiming for masculinity when we should be aiming for wholeness.  A whole man embraces both the masculine and feminine parts to his existence.  A whole man understands that aggressiveness and submissiveness are natural aspects of his masculine character.

Viewed from this perch, the questions veer in a different direction. Do I need to take any role in bed? Can’t I just be in the moment and let the chemistry with my partner unfold?  Can’t I let circumstance and spontaneity guide my actions?

If sex were a library and you were searching for the perfect top the librarian would say,  “Look in fiction.” He doesn’t exist. It is your personal expression of being the penetrator that matters. The one crafted out of preference, inspired by fantasy, tempered by need, fueled by desire and designed for pleasure.

Next week we’re going to cover a unique problem tops face in getting their partner to bottom for them: Overcoming “anticipatory anxiety.”