How To Deal With Low Libido Part 8
Men with low libido are less able to detect their sexual desires during the infrequent times it does make an appearance. They are less likely to pay attention to, accurately identify, and therefore act on the physical sensations of arousal like a quickening pulse, muscle tension, and blood flow.
Sex is the physical expression of your need for emotional intimacy, love, union, and partnership; a tangible way for you to give something of yourself. Typically, the desire for it appears on your door as a loud, insistent knock. Over time, your mind has learned to block its sounds. Occasionally, it opens the door, treats this longing as an unwanted vacuum cleaner salesman, and tells it to go away.
But your body insists so the knocking continues. The mind goes into pretend mode. It thinks, “Knocking, what knocking? It’s the tree branches bumping together.” It’s not long before the body, weakened by a lack of nurturing, knocks softer and softer, to the point that it becomes so faint your mind doesn’t have to ignore it or pretend it isn’t there–it truly doesn’t hear it.
For the most part, the knocking never really goes away. Just because you can’t hear it clearly doesn’t mean it’s not there. Your job is two-fold: To be on the lookout for the knocking when it comes and create the environment so that it will.
I Don’t Feel A Thing
There are two types of libidinal depressions: Low Libido or Low Sensation. With Low Libido, you don’t want it, you don’t think about it, you don’t fantasize about it, you’re not even receptive to it.
With Low Sensation, you may think about it, you may want it, you may be receptive to it, but your body doesn’t react the way it used to. It’s a classic case of “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.”
None of my recommendations for jump-starting your libido will work if you have such an underlying physical condition. Start eliminating the possibilities by looking in your medicine cabinet.
Any drug that affects your hormones, nerves or blood circulation has the potential to make you able to say “NO” to sex in eight different languages. Everyone knows anti-depressants can let the air out of the libidinal balloon, but did you know that popular over-the-counter drugs like Tagamet, Benadryl and Aleve have the potential to do it too?
If you suspect there might be a physiological component to your low libido/low sensation, wiggle your index finger and dial your doctor. Otherwise, let’s assume that your low libido/low sensation is caused by stress, fatigue or maybe that you were simply born with a lower libido than other men.
A Word About Alcohol
Alcohol mugs libidos. It sneaks up behind you, knocks you to the ground and steals your valuables. It relieves you of your libido and absconds with your performance. Alcohol metabolizes in the liver, which is also responsible for metabolizing testosterone, a crucial sex hormone.
Too much liquor and your liver may start converting your testosterone to estrogen, contributing to a loss of sex drive. Alcohol also dulls the nerves that transmit sensations and decreases the body’s ability to pump blood around the genitals, which is critical to sexual functioning. You should not be drinking while you’re trying to raise your libido.
That said, I feel your pain. Sex tigers don’t drink milk. It’s hard to imagine a romantic dinner without at least a glass of wine. Advising moderation is fine, but how much is too much? A study at Southern Illinois University showed three and a half drinks for a 150 pound person starts getting in the way. Every measure of arousal the researchers looked at went south after three and a half drinks.
The good news about alcohol is that it tends to relax you and melt away reservation, inhibition and worry, the absence of which makes for great sex. So yes, alcohol is great for sex, until it isn’t. Stay away from alcohol as much as you can for the next few months. Nobody likes to be “chemically inconvenienced,” but drinking moderately or not at all will be a big help.
A Word About Smoking
If you smoke like the catalytic converter just went out on your muffler, you’re going to reduce your sex life to ashes. Nicotine constricts blood vessels which leads to hardening of the arteries. As your arteries become harder and narrower they let less blood into your genitals, making it harder to get in the mood, enjoy sex, or achieve orgasm.
Quitting reverses the process, but not without some side effects along the way. It’s not unusual for people who quit to temporarily feel mentally unfocused, sexually unsettled, or suffer a temporary loss of libido. If the problems persist, talk to your doctor about nicotine-replacement therapy to help ease the transition.