Interesting Question From A Reader:
“I’ve come to realize I have a thing for dominant guys though I haven’t acted on it. I can’t help but think that guys into BDSM or dominance have serious psychological problems and do I really want to go there? I mean, are these men to be avoided at all costs or do normal, sane dominant guys exist?”
Our Answer:
So the guys who want to be dominated are sane but the guys who want to dominate are not? “Hello, Pot? This is Kettle. You’re black.”
We’d beat you with a cane if we didn’t think you’d get hard. But then again, we should be nicer to a guy who’s just coming out about his sexual desires. Your predicament is remarkably similar to closeted gay guys: Horrified at your own feelings and attacking the people who share them. Then, drunk on the feeling of superiority (“I’m not like them”), you’re certain that “they” are morally wrong or psychologically impaired.
Christ, you’re not a submissive; you’re a Republican!
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Like closeted gay guys, you’ll convince yourself it’s just a phase and hook up with different women. For gays, it’s about turning straight. For you, about staying vanilla. Just like the gay guy who’ll try to make it work with women (“honey, why don’t you turn over on your stomach?”) you’ll try to make it work with yours (“Honey, my wrists aren’t going to be handcuffed to the bedposts by themselves”).
Next, is a ritual self-delusion. The gay guy convinces himself that he’s bi; you convince yourself that you’re conventional. Over time, Desire (always the design flaw) breaks the chains and you experiment with the real thing. You’ll never go back. And later, much later, you give your sexual proclivities the importance they deserve: Right up there with what you had for breakfast.
Now that we’ve laid out the next two years of your life, wouldn’t it be easier to fast-forward to the good parts? Like getting dominated by hot guys on a regular basis? Get going by asking yourself questions. What is your deepest, darkest desire? If you could do anything, what would it be? Crawl along like his pet? Play ashtray to his cigarette? How? When?
Fantasize about looking the part, setting the scene and learning, ahem, the ropes. Always start with manageable scenes and if you’re comfortable, ramp them up. Start safe, play sane and build slowly.
If it’s all agreeable, then off you go to the next level. There’s a new world of hurt out there just waiting for you: Whipping, caning, flogging, trampling, hitting, spanking, humiliation, and objectification.
Damn. That sounds like an editorial meeting at our offices.
Of course, you can always resort to the most conventional application of pain– calling your cable company’s tech support. Either way, after taking your erotic inventory (a clear picture of your deepest desires in action), it’s time to go on the hunt. Trust me, he’s out there. And for the record, he’s not psychologically imbalanced. Bitchy, maybe. Disturbed, no.
Dude, it’s time to pull the ill out of vanilla. Come out of the closet. It’s not like you have to sit your parents down and confess, “Mom, Dad…I need some money to buy a stretching rack.”[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]